Sexual Needs
As 2024 draws to a close, it’s time to focus on what truly matters: prioritizing your sexual needs. Embracing self-awareness and honesty in this area sets the tone for a fulfilling new year. Let’s explore ways to identify, communicate, and nurture your sexual needs, making 2025 a year of deeper connection and satisfaction.
It’s been tough and you need to treat yourself for getting through it like the absolute trooper that you are, self-care has never been more important. Honestly celebrate you however you do it, but this is my step by step guide to taking yourself on a date.
5 Helpful Steps To Focus Your Sexual Needs
Starting At Step One:
Order your favorite take out (or cook your favorite comfort food), I don’t care if you’re on a diet, you have earned this. In a year where a lot of huge things have been taken from us, you deserve this little thing as a congratulations for getting through it. Eat that, eat dessert, have seconds and thirds and fourths, whatever fills the void that the last year has made in all of us.
Taking The Second Step:
Run yourself a bath, get some bubbles going, light some candles, play some music (in my case I usually pop on my favourite show), and just relax. I really cannot recommend Wildfire Black more, it’s such an amazing 4 in 1 oil, but a pump or two in the bath will leave you feeling amazing inside and out!
Now what you do in the bath is totally up to you, you can start the big celebrations in here if you like, nothing better than masturbating in the bath sometimes. I like to take the time to wash everything super slow and just take my time taking care of myself. It really is the little things and taking the time to go over every part of your body slowly while cleaning is so relaxing, this is definitely one of the things we skip over with the day to day happening.
Ready For Step 3?:
Do your skin care! Moisturise everything! All the lotions and serums and whatever!! It doesn’t matter if it’s a 12 step routine or a 2 step, do whatever makes you feel comfortable and nourish from the outside in. COVID has really made some people forget that taking care of yourself and simply existing is so important, especially to help you de-stress from everything going on. Fuck it, put on a facemask and keep watching your shows, or listening to music, just find your zen in this time, use it to really remind yourself that you’re doing great and this year hasn’t gotten the best of you.
Let’s Look At Step 4:
Do something you love, have a dance, bake some cookies, read a bit, go on a google deep dive, SIT ON TIKTOK FOR AN HOUR. It doesn’t matter what you do here, as long as it makes you happy you’re doing it right, self care is about making the heart happy and full. I should probably take my own advice and do some reading, I bought Midnight Sun as soon as it came out and I’m still only 15 pages in… Anyway!
Finally It’s Time For Step 5:
My favourite step, of course. Masturbate!! I cannot write about de-stressing from a horrific year without including masturbation, it’s the good vibe hot spot. Again, dim the lights (or don’t ?), light some candles, or use an oil burner. You can go to the Wildfire Black again for this one as it can be used as an aroma and it includes aphrodisiacs so if the bath didn’t get you in the mood that definitely will.
Get your favourite sex toy out, dress up if you want. And do you (pun intended). Nothing releases happy hormones quite like a bit of one on one time with yourself! And then tuck yourself into bed, you’ll have the best sleep of your life, trust me!
10 FAQs To Educate You On Sexual Needs:
- What are sexual needs?
Sexual needs refer to desires, preferences, and physical or emotional requirements that individuals seek in their intimate lives for fulfillment and satisfaction. - Why is it important to understand my sexual needs?
Understanding your sexual needs promotes self-awareness, better communication with partners, and overall well-being, fostering more fulfilling relationships. - How can I identify my sexual needs?
Reflection, open communication, and exploration of personal desires and boundaries help in recognizing your unique sexual needs. - Can sexual needs change over time?
Yes, sexual needs can evolve due to factors like age, life experiences, or relationship changes, making it important to regularly reassess them. - Why is it important to communicate my sexual needs to my partner?
Clear communication enhances intimacy, builds trust, and ensures both partners feel heard and respected, leading to more satisfying connections.
It’s Ok To Have Different Needs Than Your Partner
- What if my partner and I have different sexual needs?
Differences are natural; open dialogue and compromise can help balance needs while respecting each other’s boundaries and comfort levels. - Are sexual needs purely physical?
No, sexual needs often encompass emotional, mental, and relational aspects, such as feeling desired, valued, and safe in intimate moments. - How can unmet sexual needs affect a relationship?
When ignored, unmet needs may lead to frustration, distance, or resentment, underscoring the importance of addressing them for relationship health. - What role does self-care play in fulfilling sexual needs?
Self-care helps you stay attuned to your desires, fostering confidence and satisfaction, which positively impacts intimacy and relationships. - How can I start a conversation about my sexual needs with my partner?
Approach the conversation with honesty, respect, and an open mind, focusing on shared goals and a desire to enhance your relationship.
Have These Steps Helped You?
This is obviously just my advice and how I would do it, but the point is you don’t have to follow this, just be sure to take some time to do the things that you like, that help you feel the best you can.
This year has been rough for everyone, it really has, and we all deserve a night dedicated to ourselves. Whether that’s from you to you, with a partner, going to a gym class, working on your car, or as I said taking care of yourself and taking care of your sexual needs.
Just be sure to make it so that at least one day this year was all about you, and end it on a good note, let’s go into 2025 taking care of ourselves and existing happily in the world, and let’s hopefully leave the past where it belongs.
When does consent not count?
Many of us question each others Sexual Ethics.
In 2015, Conor Gallagher reported a story where a Dublin woman with Down syndrome was allegedly raped by a 34-year-Faisal Ellahi (Down syndrome woman ‘lacked capacity to consent to intercourse’).
The man plead not guilty stating that the sex was in fact consensual. He also stated that he was unaware of her limited mental capacity. It is a common misconception that those people with Down syndrome or other forms of intellectual disabilities do not feel the need to explore their sexuality. However, the reality is, that all people including those with intellectual disabilities have sexual needs, desires and feelings and these need to be addressed and explored.
It Is Difficult To Accept that People With Intellectual Disabilities Have Sexual Needs
As a society we have made it difficult for people with disabilities to explore their sexuality but placing down laws that restrict this exploration by calling it protection.
But what is an intellectual disability?
Down syndrome, is a form of an intellectual disability characterized but not limited to: a deficit in at least two areas of adaptive behaviour which can be an inability to self-care, communicate, work or learn,. With a clear lack of social skills, purpose or direction; and an IQ of 70 or below (The Intellectual Disability Rights Service, n.d).
A person with an intellectual disability, even a mild one would have little comprehension of what the legal process required of them without help. In Australia, one needs to seek ‘informed consent’ that is when a participant engaging in sexual relations lacks the capacity to consent. The participants should be informed of all relevant information before deciding if they wish to continue (National Health and Medical Research Council, 2017).
The capacity to consent is subject to change, a participant might agree to sexual activity and then say no once sexual conduct begins just like how consent works for everybody else.
Other Intellectual Disabilities Than Can Range In Severity
- Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): Impacts social skills, communication, and behavior, leading to challenges in social interactions and learning.
- Fragile X Syndrome: A genetic condition causing developmental delays, learning disabilities, and behavioral issues.
- Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD): Results from prenatal alcohol exposure, leading to cognitive impairments and behavioral challenges.
- Williams Syndrome: Involves a genetic deletion, causing mild to moderate intellectual disability and unique personality traits.
- Prader-Willi Syndrome: A genetic disorder affecting behavior, cognition, and physical development, often leading to learning difficulties.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Back in the Dublin courtroom, the court heard that the woman with Down syndrome lacked the ability to consent to sex (Gallagher, 2015). This was due to the fact that the woman could not independently protect herself. The court also heard that she had a trusting nature because life had not taught her to be cautious of others.
This is not the man’s fault that she was not given the adequate tools or information to make an informed decision. The woman consented to an act she thought she was prepared but perhaps was not. There is a lack of education and sexual discourse as it is somewhat of a taboo to think that people with intellectual disabilities are engaging in sex.
There Seems To Be Contradictions
The court also heard that people with intellectual disabilities in fact have sexual desires and have the right to express them (Gallagher, 2015). There is a real contradiction here where we have started to address that people with intellectual disabilities are sexual beings, but we are still limiting their sexual conduct and discourses.
To help provide a healthy sexual experience for people with intellectual disabilities there must be more education around sex, consent and sexual practices but we are creating legal barriers that effectively halt sexual expression. That is like telling your child it is okay to paint with whatever color they like and with whoever like. Then finding out your child was painting with your neighbor’s child and then reprimanding the neighbor’s child.
The sexual revolution comes in education – that is liberation!
I am not so naive to think that a sexual liberation for people with intellectual disabilities is upon us. Of course these laws and rules and stigmas stem from the vulnerability that abuse is much more likely to happen to someone who cannot comprehend sexual discourses. However, it is my claim that this is part of the problem. If someone is unaware of sex, their sexuality and consent, they cannot agree or disagree to a notion that they can’t comprehend.
By educating the intellectual disabled with age appropriate information they will be able to comprehend, process and consent or reject sexual advances. Being able to understand and process someone’s sexual advances and in turn giving them agency to decide if they want to do with their bodies. This course of action can also be seen as a tool of protection rather than the current model of action we take which is clearly not working.
Personal morals vs sexual ethics:
Are your beliefs clouding your judgement?
The most problematic part of this debate is how someone feels towards this issue will be dependent on their moral fiber. Each person will bring a slightly different opinion to the table. What you must do is look at this from an ethical standpoint.
Is it morally okay to sexually repress people with intellectual disabilities because the idea makes you uncomfortable?
Or is this merely a praxis to eliminate possible sexual abuse against those most vulnerable?
Is better education needed for families, partners, caregivers when helping someone explore their sexuality?
Or is it only okay for an intellectually disabled person to engage in sexual acts with another intellectually disabled person?
At the end of the day we understand that we are all sexual beings and until there is more tailored approaches for each person and better education we are not going to see any changes to this system that clearly isn’t working.
Adultlifestyle Centres Cater For Sex and The Disabled.
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