Coming out as a gay teen! It is a scary time for every person of the LGBTQI community and every one of us has to go through it, and we usually don’t come out once but multiple times. We come out to our friends, parents, family, peers and colleagues.
As we get older it becomes easier, and generally not even needed. Now I feel that I don’t have to come out to people and that if they have a problem, it’s theirs and not mine. But it wasn’t always like that.
A Tough Time Coming To Terms with My Sexuality
And I, just like everyone had a tough time coming to terms with my sexuality. It was when I was about 14 when I started to notice guys. I was in denial for so long. I was okay with gay people. Always knew that my uncles were gay and I was completely fine. It was just something I wasn’t. Or so I thought at the time.
When I was 15 and in year 10, there was a boy in the year above me. A senior who I would always stare at and admire how beautiful he was. But no! I wasn’t gay! That just wasn’t me. I remember thinking how being gay was for other people, but not me.
But after months of being in denial, one day I completed my usual routine and finished art class, I walked from H block and stared at the guy, but I finally admitted to myself.
“Brett! Admit it! You’re gay! You’re a big fat flamer and you like penis!” I felt as though a massive weight had been lifted!
How I Came Out Of The Closet
Now that I had admitted it to myself, I needed to talk about it.
Back when I was in high school, there weren’t a whole lot of options as to where you could meet other gay teenagers. One place that was popular to chat was on the website of a local radio station, so I hopped on there and started chatting. It was an open chat so I was anonymous.
“Any gay guys?” I typed and waited.
Someone responded and we went to a private chat. He seemed nice and we had things that we had in common, so we decided to exchange numbers. He said he would call me. So I disconnected from the computer and ran to my room to await his call.
I was so scared, nervous and excited. I had butterflies and it felt like it had been hours, but in fact it was only a few moments. He rang and we talked into the early hours of the morning. We talked over the phone for about 2 weeks until he suggested we meet. I agreed but was so scared.
We arranged to meet in a public space.
(I wasn’t stupid. This was the early days of the internet, but I still knew not to meet a total stranger somewhere private) We met and wow! I had never done anything like that before. It was one of the most exciting but scary things I had ever done. Was so nervous that I took a backpack with every CD I owned. It weighed a tonne!
But, after that initial meet, we had gotten to know each other more and we became good friends.
Next person I came out to was an actual family member.
I went to lunch with her and I said I wanted to buy some designer clothing and black nail polish (I was going through a wannabe Goth stage. How tragic). She asked why and said people might think I was gay. I said maybe I was. My gosh, I just did it.
It felt like an eternity for her to answer, and she replied with love and kindness.
I slowly came out to friends after that and I was met with support and kindness.
But the big one was my parents!
I remember it so clearly. I was in my room one morning and my mum came in to just have a chat. We ended up on the subject of my internet friend, (as far as she knew, he was a friend of a friend). And she said she thought he might have a crush on my uncle. I said probably.
Then she asked if I had a crush on my friend. I said I did and she started to cry. Not exactly the reaction I had hoped for. She said she was just hoping I would marry a nice girl who would give her grandchildren. And they could go shopping. My brother would marry some skank that just wanted sex and money. Her words, not mine.
After the initial shock things were fine I thought
It took her many years to come to terms with it. I’m honestly not sure if she is 100%.
As for my father, well we’ve never had the talk, and never will. It’s just an unspoken thing that has just been accepted. He and my mother have had discussions about it. She’s told me. He loves me and just wants me to be happy, and that’s all that matters.
We don’t need to have a big coming out moment. I was met by full support from my brother. That felt good.
I have been very lucky with my coming out story. Have had very little negativity, and what little I had have been from unimportant people.
I’ve had friends who have had horrendous coming outs.
They’ve been bashed, kicked out of home and abandoned by their family. So I am definitely very lucky that I have had such an easy coming out. But, it is still mine and I have had my own difficulties. Main one being the response from my mother. In every other way we are close, it hurts but we are getting better.
Coming out is hard for every single person and not an easy thing to do but we just have to support each other. If we don’t get that from our families, we make our own, whether it be from blood, or friends.
But either way, we need to surround ourselves with love, support and positivity. It does get better!
Author: Brett is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
Finding Who I Really Am
From a young age at my Greek Orthodox school, I struggled with an identity that didn’t fit the mold. It took a while to find who I really am through bullying and self-discovery. Being raised in a traditional environment, coming to terms with my sexuality was challenging, especially as I faced rejection and isolation. Yet, this narrative is more than just about survival; it’s about embracing who I am, learning to accept my feelings, and ultimately finding a community that respects and supports me.
My Upbringing As A Greek Orthodox
Being Greek Orthodox and having 2 parents with the same background I was put into a Greek Orthodox school in the Eastern Suburbs at the age of 4. I remember my first school play in kindergarten, I was a sunflower and all the flowers were paired with an angel.
My angel was Angelique, I remember the way I would look at her every time she would walk onto the stage and come stand right next to me, she was flawless, I was in awe and I wanted to be her! Now, my 4-year-old mind didn’t know how that would help me understand myself later down the road of life. At the end of that year, she changed schools and I remember crying about it for a very long time and I wasn’t even one of her close friends.
My First Crush
Halfway through that year, I found my first boy that made my heart feel all the things and that continued all throughout primary school. We both had crushes on each other and it was wonderful, we never did the primary school boyfriend/girlfriend thing like everyone else but he was one of my closest friends, a boy I could feel completely comfortable being around, the one boy who never disrespected me as a person.
I Was Different From A Young Age
When I got to about the age of 7 I was the tomboy, the girl who wanted to play all the different sports the boys would play at lunchtime, owned all the Pokemon cards, collected all the cards in chip packets, had every version of Gameboy, Nintendo and PlayStation that would come out but little did I know that boys bully girls that want to be like them. I would get pushed around and get called mean names. I remember the teachers telling me to grow up and getting told:
“Boys tease girls that they like.”
This definitely was not the case for me.
I don’t know why, but I thought it was a good idea for me to continue onto the high school, I remember going and looking at some of the all-girls schools in the area but the size of the schools intimidated me as my school was quite small, it was about 50 people per year whereas those schools were over 100 per year so I decided to stay.
I Found Myself Always Hanging Out With The Same Sex
Year 9, 14 year old me. This was the year I finally started doing things with my friends outside of school, we’d go to the local Westfield on a Thursday night. All the kids from different schools would go and meet up and just be teenagers. I started to make friends with some of the girls from one of the all-girls schools in the area. My friends were allowed to make friends with boys but as soon as they noticed me getting closer to the girls the bullying started again.
I Realized I Had Feelings For A Girl
The group of friends I made were away for camp, I was sitting at home playing a computer game and that was the moment I realized I missed one of the girls a little bit more than what a best friend would. Everything started to make sense now, I never wanted to be the girls I admired and I wanted them. Angelique was my first crush and I didn’t even realize it.
I Came Out To My Close Friend
Anthony came out as gay and that made so much sense. I called my best friend from school and told her that I had a crush on this girl and she hung up on me real quick. She kept my secret like any best friend would. About a week later I couldn’t keep my own secret anymore though and I asked my new friends for advice and they were all really open-minded about it and told me I should just tell her how I felt, so I did. She didn’t feel the same way back and that was ok because at least I had the guts to tell her how I felt, that was enough for me.
They Encouraged Me To Let The Group Know
Our girls’ team soccer presentation was on that following weekend and I told my best friend that I had told her and her friends about my feelings. She got super mad at me and told me I should just tell our group since my new friends knew. I told them and they were all pretty cool about it, they asked me if I was a lesbian or bisexual? I had no idea what they were talking about because I was never taught these words before. “Coming out” wasn’t even something I was aware of at the time.
The soccer presentation was on a Sunday night, I remember going home and feeling like all this weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was so happy that everyone had taken it so well. Little did I know.
I Felt Like An Outcast Just For My Sexual Preferences
Going to school that Monday felt strange. Have you ever walked into a room and felt like everyone was staring at you you’ll understand. I walked into the school and had every student staring at me, my friends backed away as I went up to talk to them. My friends chased me around doing the sign of the cross and telling me I was a sinner, no one wanted me near them. I was alone.
I Was Relentlessly Bullied
The bullying was really bad for a few months, I had photos from my social media edited and sent to schools I hadn’t even heard of. I was smacked across the face by a friend and then threatened to not tell otherwise she would make my life a living hell. The boys started to get super rough with me during sports periods (I ended up with a black eye). I would get yelled at by students I didn’t even know on the bus and at school during lunch and recess. Many times I was called names and even had a cup of boiling water thrown at me.
They Forced Me To Come Out To My Parents
I got forced into telling my parents “otherwise we’ll tell our parents first and they’ll tell yours” and my friends put me into the school counseling office. One friend who I am still thankful for to this day, would come into the counseling sessions with me and do the talking for me because I would just sit there and cry. She would listen to me every night on the phone crying and give me advice on how to deal with the mean kids at our school.
I sat my mum down one night and told her, I cried for a while and then said:
“Mum, I like boys and girls.”
Over Time They Came To Accept It
My mum then told my dad that night. It took a while for them to come to terms with it. There are different reasons to what affects the acceptance of sexuality but eventually, they did.
My mum noticed how badly I was being affected and my year adviser called her in for a meeting. I remember her telling my mum that I had to repeat so I may as well change schools otherwise next year I’d get bullied for repeating and for being gay.
I Was Able To Move To A New School That Supported Me
By the end of that term, I was out of there, my whole grade was shocked that I was leaving but it was the best decision I’ve ever made and I am so grateful that my mum allowed me to make that decision. I moved to the all-girls school that all my new friends were going to and it was so much more accepting than the school I left behind. The girls were all super open-minded, the principle wasn’t but the students always stood up to that and that made me proud to say that I went there.
Years Later My Old “Friends” Apologized
Years later down the track, I went to a party for one of the girls birthdays from my old school and everyone sat me down and apologised for the way that they had treated me in high school. My best friend cried and just held me. Unfortunately, because I wasn’t brought up with any knowledge about the LGBTQIA community I didn’t know how “different” it was and how people reacted to it.
There are challenges when you come out. I came out at such a young age and 10 years ago young people weren’t as aware as they are now about equality. I’ve spoken to a lot of people between now and then that have been and still attend that school and a lot of them are a lot more open-minded now and much more accepting.
I don’t regret any of it or hold any grudges, it’s made me who I am today and I am proud of the person I became. I am open-minded to everything and I don’t judge, everyone is different and that is definitely OK. The world and society have grown since then, young children and teenagers are so much more aware now and that’s all that I had wished for.
I left school, started dressing the way that made me feel most comfortable which is in male clothing, I cut my hair short and figured out that it’s only girls that I’m attracted to.
There is no longer any days where I feel alone.
Author: Elliana is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
Are You Gay and Ugly? Coming Out of The Closet!
I recently watched a YouTuber by the name of Sam Luigi and his video title ‘Are you gay and ugly?’ and I sat on it for a few weeks. ‘Are you gay and ugly’ is a rough title in itself as no one wants to feel like they are ugly.
Sam raised many issues that resonate not only within the Queer community, but can be translated throughout society. An idea that gay males are not attractive if they aren’t ripped, under the age of 40, aren’t disabled, or otherwise don’t conform to the Bel Ami, Cocky Boy, Titanmen image.
Indeed, by a quick search online there’s a lot of messages of support, support groups, and donation pages to the ideal ‘cute, young gay man’. Who has been adversely affected by the homophobic society.
But that’s long as your cute you can participate on these pages.
We need to only look towards the recent Georgian Teen in America, who ended up donating his large sum of money to homeless shelters.
Thank you for that by the way but what about the rest of our community?
As Sam mentions in his video, an older gay male who lost his partner of eight years didn’t receive support from the mechanisms designed to support our community. Because he didn’t fit the poster boy image.
Is it possible our community only responds thing’s that we deem as attractive rather then the person’s cause?
Sam Luigi echoed a sentiment that I have had for many years.
Whilst the Queer community strives for equality we spend so much time in-fighting with political correctness, battling the ideal image of masculinity and fighting for a cause that we convince ourselves is inclusive. But it is only inclusive in so far as it relates to our own click or micro-community within a broader spectrum. In doing so we end up severely off course.
Gay and Ugly
When I first came out I ended up in Oxford Street and I have never felt so out of place in my life. Among these overtly gay, model twinks that knew exactly how to dance and had a lingo of their own.
These guys who were supposed to be a part of my gay community had already developed their own clicks. And were outright dismissive of anything less than what they considered to be ideal. It is hard to become a part of someone else’s group when you haven’t grown within their community.
Marketing plays a strong part here as each venue specifically caters towards a particular group and reinforces these discourses of a fractured community.
Subsequently, I moved on from the scene
I choose to support my community in other ways.
Activism, program and policy development and with my voice. I thoroughly enjoy the time’s I spend helping others in the community. If I’m doing something positive with in my society I can help nurture a social connection that I feel is important to people’s well being.
Having a voice that is heard can create awareness for deeper issues that need to be acknowledged.
This is one of the reasons why we ran the sex positive ideas in our stores.
Sex positive ideas provide an inclusive environment without judgement and without catering to just one specific market. Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres are for everyone without any exclusions.
We want to move away from the sleaze, darkly lit rooms that smelt faintly of certain substances. And away from the place where the person behind the counter stared at you from their safety net. We want to openly invite people who would like help improving your lifestyle.
We pride ourselves on having fun and providing a safe space
Regardless of orientation or sex. Our work is not done, the work is never done. But we work on chipping it down brick by brick. More we help people, the more people are comfortable with who they are.
People can find their sexuality and experience life for what they may need it to be rather than having to “fit in” to a mold. At the end of the day, everyone is different with their personal characteristics, hobbies, and lifestyles.
It makes the world more fun and interesting.
Coming Out Of The Closet As A Gay Teen
It is a scary time, coming out, for every person of the LGBTQIA+ community. Every one of us has to go through it, and we usually don’t come out once but multiple times.
We come out to our friends, parents, family, peers and colleagues. As we get older it becomes easier, and generally not even needed. Now I feel that I don’t have to come out to people and that if they have a problem, it’s theirs and not mine.
But it wasn’t always like that.
And I, just like everyone had a tough time coming to terms with my sexuality. It was when I was about 14 when I started to notice guys. I was in denial for so long and I was okay with gay people.
Always knew that my uncles were gay and I was completely fine. It was just something I wasn’t. Or so I thought at the time.
When I was 15 and in year 10, there was a boy in the year above me. A senior who I would always stare at and admire how beautiful he was. But no! I wasn’t gay! That just wasn’t me. I remember thinking how being gay was for other people, but not me.
But after months of being in denial, one day I completed my usually routine and finished art class, I walked from H block and stared at the guy. But I finally admitted to myself.
“Brett! Admit it! You’re gay! A big fat flamer and you like penis!” I felt as though a massive weight had been lifted!
How I Came Out Of The Closet
Now that I had admitted it to myself, I needed to talk about it.
Back when I was in high school, there weren’t a whole lot of options as to where you could meet other gay teenagers. But one place that was popular to chat was on the website of a local radio station. So I hopped on there and started chatting. It was an open chat so I was anonymous.
“Any gay guys?” I typed and waited.
Someone responded and we went to a private chat. He seemed nice and we had things that we had in common. So we decided to exchange numbers. He said he would call me, so I disconnected from the computer and ran to my room to await his call.
I was so scared, nervous and excited and I had butterflies and it felt like it had been hours. But in fact it was only a few moments. He rang and we talked into the early hours of the morning. We talked over the phone for about 2 weeks until he suggested we meet.
I agreed but was so scared.
We arranged to meet in a public space.
(I wasn’t stupid. This was the early days of the internet, but I still knew not to meet a total stranger somewhere private) We met and wow! I had never done anything like that before. It was one of the most exciting but scary things I had ever done.
I was so nervous that I took a backpack with every CD I owned. It weighed a tonne! But, after that initial meet, we had gotten to know each other more and we became good friends.
Next person I came out to was an actual family member.
I went to lunch with her and I said I wanted to buy some designer clothing and black nail polish (I was going through a wannabe Goth stage. How tragic).
She asked why and said people might think I was gay. I said maybe I was. My gosh, I just did it. It felt like an eternity for her to answer, and she replied with love and kindness.
I slowly came out to friends after that
And was met with support and kindness. But the big one was my parents and I remember it so clearly. I was in my room one morning and my mum came in to just have a chat.
We ended up on the subject of my internet friend. As far as she knew, he was a friend of a friend. And she said she thought he might have a crush on my uncle. I said probably. Then she asked if I had a crush on my friend.
I said I did and she started to cry.
Not exactly the reaction I had hoped for.
She said she was just hoping I would marry a nice girl who would give her grandchildren and they could go shopping. My brother would marry some skank that just wanted sex and money.
Her words, not mine.
After the initial shock things were fine I though and it took her many years to come to terms with it. I’m honestly not sure if she is 100%. As for my father, well we’ve never had the talk, and never will.
It’s just an unspoken thing that has just been accepted. He and my mother have had discussions about it, she’s told me. He loves me and just wants me to be happy, and that’s all that matters.
We don’t need to have a big coming out moment. I was met by full support from my brother so that felt good.
I have been very lucky with my coming out story.
As I have had very little negativity, and what little I have, have been from unimportant people.
I’ve had friends who have had horrendous coming outs. They’ve been bashed, kicked out of home and abandoned by their family. So I am definitely very lucky that I have had such an easy coming out.
But, it is still mine and I have had my own difficulties. Main one being the response from my mother. In every other way we are close, it hurts but we are getting better.
Coming out is hard for every single person and not an easy thing to do but we just have to support each other. If we don’t get that from our families, we make our own, whether it be from blood, or friends.
But either way, we need to surround ourselves with love, support and positivity. It does get better!
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