Adultsmart Sexologist Says Goodbye
I have loved my time working at the Oh Zone stores and helping so many people with their intimate lives. Being an Adultsmart sexologist was amazing. One of the things I most enjoyed was tapping the keyboards and hoping to share some useful information with the adultsmart community in my articles and stories. For now I am off to take on sexology as my full-time profession so the articles will no longer be as frequent and the time I enjoyed meeting everyone face to face in the stores has come to an end. This here is my final article whilst working in an adult shop.
For all those that have visited me in store, ciao, it has been a pleasure. For everyone on adultsmart I will still publish the odd article. But for now, farewell my life, living and love provide you with the best they can!!!!
What working at an adult store has taught me:
I cannot believe it has been two whole years that I have worked in the Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres! If you had asked me 10 years ago, it certainly wasn’t a job I could have imagined I would be doing yet I am so grateful I took a chance and did something so different. As I prepare to move onto my own work as a Certified Sexologist & Intimacy Coach, I thought I would offer some of the things I will be taking away from this job which will benefit me in so many ways throughout my life.
Communicating about sex
Talking about anything related to sexuality is such a difficult thing for so many people. We live in such a sex-centric world yet as a culture are challenged by frank, honest discussions around sexuality. Coming into this job, I knew I was a sex positive person yet didn’t realise the challenges I would face opening up to strangers very quickly about such an intimate area of their lives. Working at Oh Zone has given me incredible experience in being able to talk about sex, pleasure and genitals in a very matter of fact way.
Making people comfortable talking about sex
Similar to the above, working at Oh Zone has given me great experience in getting others to open up about sex. I have learnt to take note of body language and other cues to say or do the thing that will make the customer feel at ease opening up to me. I have found that finding comfort within myself puts people at ease as well as outwardly naming the elephant in the room (i.e. the discomfort around talking about sex) which breaks the ice for most people.
Communicating boundaries
As with anywhere in life, you will always encounter people that try to cross boundaries. There are some people that make assumptions about me based on the fact that I work in an adult store so I have had to get really clear with what is and isn’t ok. I have been explicitly asked what my personal sexual preferences are and have had countless people overshare about their own sex life. To many people doesn’t sound so bad. You wouldn’t ask the woman working at Harvey Norman what she’s into so why should it be any different for me?
I get that few people have a space where they can open up to about sex & in the right context an adult store is just that but I cannot stress CONTEXT enough. I am grateful that 99% of people that have crossed some kind of boundary are apologetic when I communicate that it is not appropriate so it really has been a good lesson in communicating clearly and in a way that doesn’t shame the person because they usually just don’t know.
Knowledge of Sex Toys
For those around me, I am now the official go to person for sex toy knowledge! Prior to working here, I was only aware of the very basic products such as vibrators and cock rings, thinking that sex toys were all about having an orgasm. I now know that there exist so many products out there that can be used by all kinds of people from all walks of life. From penis pumps for post-operative prostate surgery recovery to Kegel trainers to prevent vaginal prolapse, products in an adult store are about so much more than pleasure (There’s plenty of that too, don’t worry!!).
I Recommend This Kegel Toy From Adult Smart!
Awareness of the extent of sexual shame (and penis shame)
I have met countless people coming into the Oh Zone store and if there’s only thing that is extremely noticeable is how much shame we as a culture carry when it comes to sex. This plays out in so many ways, from young guys laughing and making crude jokes to mask their discomfort to people who won’t even make eye contact with me when entering the store. I also hear way too many jokes about penis size and male sex toys which is a whole other story of shaming!! I have been in a great position to question some of these reactions at times and unburden people of the shame of sex and visiting an adult store.
For many people, working in an adult store carries with it a myriad of ideas of what it is all about as well as judgements of the sex industry. I have felt really lucky to have an insight into this work as it really is much deeper and fulfilling than an average retail job. The satisfaction you receive from seeing the effects of people opening up to you about such an intimate area of their lives compares with nothing else for me.
Goodbye And Farewell!
After an incredible journey with Adult Smart, it’s time for me to say goodbye. I’ve cherished every moment and learned so much. Thank you to my colleagues and the community for your unwavering support. Our work together has been invaluable, and I leave with fond memories and deep gratitude.
Adult Lifestyle Consultant Q&A
Hi there, I’m Oz, and welcome to the Adult Lifestyle Consultant Q&A! As an experienced consultant, I’m here to answer your most intimate questions with honesty, humor, and practical advice. Whether it’s about improving communication, exploring new sensations, or tackling common challenges, I offer thoughtful insights and real solutions. No topic is too taboo—this is your space to ask, learn, and grow. Submit your questions, and let’s dive into the world of pleasure and connection together. Your journey to a more fulfilling intimate life starts here!
Hi Oz,
I’ve been with my partner for over a year now, but I don’t like going down on him. I find it hurts the back of my throat. I would probably just give up all together, but he’s so good at going down on me I really want to return the favour. Can you offer any suggestions? – BM
Answering Your Question
Hi BM,
Thanks for your email. It’s a good question, with a range of possible solutions, and you’re not the only one to experience this. I had a young lady in the adult shop I work at show me the bruises at the back of her throat. It looked like a hickey!!!
The simplest, yet not necessarily the easiest solution, is to talk to him directly about it. This can be tricky, or even feel a little awkward at the time, but the best thing for a relationship is an open channel of communication. Just as you might ask for something harder or softer during playtime, talking about what you do and don’t like is as important, though trickier, when discussed outside of the bedroom.
For some people, enjoying giving head takes time, as the gag reflex needs to adjust gradually. It’s a natural reaction that can make deepthroating uncomfortable at first. Over time, with patience and practice, many find their gag reflex becomes less sensitive. Techniques like controlled breathing, relaxing the throat, and starting slowly can help ease discomfort.
Products Such As Numbing Sprays May Help You
Alternatively, you could try using a throat numbing spray. Comfortably Numb is a good place to start with both sprays or mints, although Sensuva Deeply Love You have some seriously good flavours, like Butter Rum, Salted Caramel and Chocolate Coconut to name a few. They also have throat coating cream, Lic-olicious, with flavours like Blueberry Muffin, Mocha Cappuccino and Cinnabun. While this help the bruising my other customer experienced, it should remove the pain, or ease it at least.
Another option is to use a toy to simulate the sensation of deep-throating. One of the most popular toys for this at the moment is also super cheap, which is a masturbator sleeve, also known as an egg beater (as it is typically packaged like an egg).
You Can Use A Stroker To Simulate Head
Almost all of these are a closed unit, with only one entry point, but as many customers have told me, they simply cut the end off one of these sleeves to have an open-ended toy. They then use this to work the base of the shaft while giving head, but they barely need to get more than the head of the penis into their mouths as the stroker does the rest of the work for them.
For something that will really take the arm-work out of using a stroker, look towards a Fun Factory Manta. This rechargeable, vibrating stroker differs from many others with its ‘open-wing’ style design that allows for a lot of versatility. This silicone toy has an easy-to- hold ring at the base and a good range of vibration speeds and settings. Besides using the Manta on his shaft during oral sex, the two of you can also use it to tease all your erogenous zones.
You Should Never Feel Pressured into Sexual Acts
So that’s the regular options to your issue, however there is an undertone to your email which concerns me. Firstly, there is no requirement to do anything simply because you feel obliged to. If he wants to go down on you, great, if you don’t want to go down on him, just as fine. Sex should always be about pleasure.
In saying that, it sounds obvious in your email that while you are not keen on deep throating, your partner gives a ‘helping hand’ to get you to go deeper. If the earlier advice of talking things through and getting him to not force himself so hard down your throat, then there is another option for you. Pick yourself up a King Cock 8” dildo, and force it into your partner’s throat. See how much he likes it.
Not everyone enjoys giving blowjobs, and that’s completely okay. Intimacy should always be about mutual enjoyment and comfort. If blowjobs don’t appeal to you, there are plenty of alternatives to explore that can still provide pleasure and connection for you and your partner.
1. Hand Stimulation
Hand jobs can be just as stimulating as oral sex when done with attention and creativity. Use a high-quality lubricant to enhance sensations and experiment with varying pressure, speed, and techniques. Incorporate circular motions, stroking from base to tip, or teasing the head for added pleasure.
2. Toys for Stimulation
Investing in sex toys like vibrating strokers, masturbators, or sleeves can offer new dimensions of pleasure. Devices like the Fun Factory Manta or Tenga Eggs are designed to replicate sensations similar to oral sex and can be used as a substitute or enhancement during foreplay.
3. Sensual Massage
A full-body sensual massage can be deeply intimate and arousing. Use warm oils, focus on erogenous zones, and take your time to build anticipation.
4. Mutual Masturbation
Watching each other pleasure themselves can be incredibly erotic. It allows for connection and excitement without needing to perform an act you’re uncomfortable with.
5. Communication and Exploration
Talk openly with your partner about your preferences and find activities that you both enjoy. Intimacy thrives on mutual understanding and creativity.
Remember, sexual satisfaction is about finding what works for both partners. Feeling pressured to perform something you don’t enjoy can create discomfort and resentment. Instead, explore alternatives that excite you and your partner, building a deeper connection based on shared pleasure and respect.
FAQs to Improve Blowjobs and Deepthroating
- How can I avoid discomfort while giving a blowjob?
Focus on your comfort by controlling depth, using your hands to assist, and incorporating lube for a smoother experience. - What can I do to reduce my gag reflex?
Throat numbing sprays or mints, like Sensuva’s Deeply Love You, can help. Gradual practice and breathing techniques also reduce gag reflex sensitivity. - How do I talk to my partner about my discomfort with deepthroating?
Open communication is key. Share your feelings outside of intimate moments to set boundaries and ensure mutual understanding. - Are there toys that can help simulate deepthroating?
Yes! A stroker like the Fun Factory Manta or a modified masturbator sleeve can replicate the sensation while reducing physical strain. - What positions make deepthroating easier?
Try lying on your back with your head slightly tilted off the edge of the bed. This opens your throat naturally. - How can I make blowjobs more pleasurable for both of us?
Incorporate flavored lubes, toys, or techniques like alternating suction and tongue play to add variety and excitement.
Have You Tried Grapfruiting?
Grapefruiting is a fun and unique technique to enhance blowjobs by incorporating a halved grapefruit as a stroker. This method combines taste, texture, and sensation, adding variety to intimate experiences. It became popular after a viral movie scene but has been around for years.
To try grapefruiting, choose a fresh, juicy grapefruit. Cut it in half and remove the inner core to create a hole. Ensure the opening is wide enough to comfortably slide over your partner’s shaft. Before starting, test the grapefruit on your partner’s skin to check for any irritation from the citrus.
During the act, use the grapefruit to stroke the shaft while focusing your mouth on the head of the penis. The juicy, slippery texture provides added stimulation and mimics natural lubrication. The citrus scent and flavor can also create a multisensory experience, making it enjoyable for both partners.
To avoid mess, place a towel underneath or perform this in the shower. Communication with your partner is key to ensure they’re comfortable and enjoying the experience. Grapefruiting can be a playful way to add spice to your intimate life, combining creativity and sensuality in a memorable and satisfying way.
Final Thoughts
Thanks for joining me in this Adult Lifestyle Consultant Q&A. I hope my suggestions help you navigate intimacy with confidence and creativity. Remember, sexual pleasure should never come from a place of obligation—it’s about mutual enjoyment and respect.
Open communication and exploring new tools can make a world of difference, but your boundaries always matter most. If something feels off, speak up and prioritize your comfort. I’m here to help you tackle the tough questions and find solutions that work for you. Keep sending in your questions, and let’s continue exploring this journey together. – Oz
Write in your own sex questions and Oz will answer them in his next instalment.
Leave a Reply