The art of getting laid is quite easy and frankly everyone can do it. But modern day dating has changed with the rise of dating apps and social media, people have more options than ever before when it comes to finding a partner.
But there comes a time when one cannot really get to enjoy the complete workings and the harmony of the dating scene.
This happens due to many reasons that are involved in the dynamics at play. First of all, getting laid is up front in a lot of people’s minds and so these problems need to be solved in a healthy manner.
Art of Modern Day Dating
Individuals need what they can’t have, and somewhat fun loving prodding demonstrates that you’re intrigued, additionally attracts individuals. There is a basic strategy called “pushing and pulling“. Similar to a little cat with a string, you dangle a compliment and then do a backhanded comment.
For example “You’re the coolest individual I’ve met… at this bar, in any case.” and then “You truly are a geek and it’s lovable.”
The key here is to totally abstain from making underhanded compliments, similar to “you have an awesome grin, even with those teeth.”
Keep it fun loving and inviting.
Make it clear that you’re poking fun. Do it with a major grin. Have a ton of fun and act naturally keeping in mind you’re grinding away, using your fun teasing as a chance to do some coy touching.
It’s great to tease people whilst flirting
When talking with someone, don’t be too uptight about sticking to a script. Let the conversation flow naturally and keep things fun and easy-going.
Keep in mind that some people might not appreciate teasing or witty banter. Be prepared to switch gears if needed. If you end up saying something that isn’t funny or comes across as annoying, just apologize and move on to a different topic.
Don’t try to make excuses or shift the blame onto the other person. Instead, just acknowledge your mistake and move on. If all else fails, just be a good listener! This can help people open up to you and help you relax as well.
You’ve got them to the Bedroom!
First of all, the person you are flirting with might like a little bit of extra help in the bedroom to make things exciting. You can use sex toys products like handcuffs, bondage, cuffs .
There are a lot of things that couples can really love and enjoy doing together. These things are widely recognized and appreciated by many.
Where Can You Get Them?
These sex toys is that they can be procured from some online adult stores without any real problem. So much to choose from like various fancy dildos is really quite awesome and also extremely wonderful as well.
One needs to figure out what he or she will use for the ultimate sense of satisfaction as well as pleasure. There are awesome things that can be used like that of various bondage and strapping materials and also other dildos and male masturbators online.
Gear for the Single Male
This is why people can really make use of what is available for men’s sex toys and also quite wonderful porn.
With the help of the male masturbators that are available, one can really get hold of the really wonderful stuff and that too without any problem. There are many different things that can be considered and that too without any issues at all.
Male Masturbators
Great for any single male or even as a couple. There is a lot of awesomeness in them to get hold of the really best material and also introduce it in a small way.
Artificial vaginas can be used for many different purposes. Each and every one of these purposes is really quite wonderful and also immensely awesome as well.
Easy Steps to Succeed at Online Dating
It comes as no surprise that in the Digital Age, where people can reach each other in the blink of an eye, more and more individuals are being overwhelmed by loneliness.
It’s common knowledge that we start realizing how fragile we are and perceive your loneliness more acutely in the crowd. For this reason, more people now start to view online dating as a viable alternative to real-life dating.
What Does Virtual Dating Offer in Modern Day Dating?
Virtual dating offers you the possibility of finding a potential match. Or at least reaching out to like-minded people who can keep you company online and help dispel your boredom.
You shouldn’t treat online dating as a panacea. Finding the type of partner that’s right for you might take a little effort and patience.
In Modern Day Dating Do Your Research
You need to do some research and try to hook your potential match’s attention. Build communication that hopefully will lead to a relationship.
Tips for Modern Day Dating Online
Pick the right Website for Modern Day Dating
There are lots of online dating sites and applications that promise they can quickly help you find the idea match. A good many users end up being frustrated and distrustful of dating services altogether.
We highly recommend picking time-tested, safe, and reliable dating sites that have proved their worth and matchmaking potential. You can also familiarize yourself with the Megahookup reviews. They provide a detailed overview of the best dating sites, to find the best service that can satisfy your dating needs.
Don’t be Tempted to Use Multiple Sites for Modern Day Dating
You may find yourself tempted to use many sites at the same time. But we advise you against succumbing to this temptation. It’s not a secret that a good majority of popular dating sites charge fees for the services rendered.
So, unless you want to end up spending a fortune on your match-searching quest, stick with one reliable option.
Carefully Select your Profile Pictures
As online daters confess, they often find themselves repelled by other users’ profile pictures. It would be meaningless to deny the huge importance of the first impression which, as you know, is difficult to undo.
Take care to construct your profile in the way such that other daters can form the best impression about you. Opt for something neutral, but at the same time effective.
Steer clear of posting the photos featuring naked torso, weapons, or killed animals not to appear distasteful, immoral, or lacking originality.
Do Your Research
Being successful in the world of online dating isn’t limited to constructing an effective and eye-catching profile. The lion’s share of work you need to do is sifting through potential mates!
Not only will it help you to decide what type of daters attract you more, but also get used to using the website and orient yourself to the options available. Don’t aim to look through hundreds of profiles on a daily basis.
Limit it to a manageable number of people so you can make a careful decision as to who is most likely to be a match.
Add in Humour
You’ll find out that a sense of humor is something the vast majority of daters are looking for in their partners.
So, it’s a good idea to show your ability to appreciate and produce humor whenever you’re dropping a line to a potential match. Or messaging back to the person you liked.
There is a common opinion that women tend to laugh more at the jokes thrown by men. Whereas men like to look funny and make jokes.
Take it to the real world
Online communication can be fun and exciting. But it’s unlikely that the reason why you decided signing up for a dating site was to find a long-term pen pal. So, one day you’ll want to meet up for a drink.
Don’t stress about those irrational fears and stereotypes when going on a first date. Nowadays, meeting your match online is pretty common.
Did you know that over 17% of marriages actually start from online dating? So, go ahead and enjoy your date without any worries!
Ask Oz March 2023 – Is it good to use sex toys in bed?
Ask Oz March 2023
Q. I just wanted to Ask Oz, should my husband be ok with me using sex toys when he is not around?
A. Use of sex toys is a personal choice, and for many couples sex toys are used their sex lives to enhance pleasure and intimacy. There may be concerns about using them when one’s partner is not present.
You may be wondering if it’s okay to use sex toys when your husband is not around and if it’s a sign of disrespect or disinterest in him. It’s a valid concern, and it’s essential to address it openly and honestly with your partner.
Try to talk about sex toys in your relationship. Provide insights into how you can include your husband about your desires and needs. You can add value to your sex life using sex toys. But it is important to be inclusive and exclusive.
Q. I am only 15 years old but want use a sex toy. How young should you be before you start?
Sex toys have become increasingly popular in recent years, with more and more people incorporating them into their sexual experiences. Have you ever considered waiting until you’re older to use sex toys? It may seem counterintuitive, but there are actually a multitude of benefits to waiting.
Not only can waiting lead to a more fulfilling sexual experience, but it can also have positive effects on your overall well-being.
Explore why waiting until you’re older to use sex toys might be worth considering. From increased intimacy to improved self-awareness, the benefits of waiting are many and can lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling sex life.
So, put down that vibrator for a moment, Let’s explore why waiting might just be the best decision you make when it comes to your sexual health and well-being.
Q. Why doesn’t my boyfriend want me to get a sex toy?
Sex is a natural and enjoyable part of any relationship. But sometimes, there may be a desire to introduce something new and exciting into the bedroom.
For many women, this might mean trying out a sex toy. Bringing up the topic with your partner can feel daunting and uncomfortable.
How do you communicate that you want a first sex toy without offending or embarrassing your boyfriend?
There are some tips and strategies for bridging the gap. Havef an open and honest conversation with your partner about introducing a sex toy into your sex life. From dispelling common myths to sharing the benefits of sex toys can help you to navigate this potentially tricky conversation with ease and confidence.
So get started on exploring the exciting world of sex toys and how to bring them into your relationship!
Q. I am very shy. What questions should I ask on a first date to break the ice?
First dates can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’re a shy person. You want to make a good impression and get to know your date. But the fear of awkward silences and not knowing what to say can be overwhelming.
That’s why having some conversation starters up your sleeve can be a game-changer. Good girl guide compiled a list of 10 starters specifically for shy people on a first date.
Conversation starters from asking about their hobbies to sharing your favorite movies are always sure to break the ice and get the conversation flowing. Remember, ask questions and be interested in the answers – positive listening works.
So take a deep breath, relax, and let these conversation starters help you make a great impression on your next first date.
All your questions answered. Check out Ask Oz February 2023 lastest blog.
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) is one of the fastest growing lifestyles in modern love and relationships. No longer do relationships look like a one-size-fits-all model. More individuals and couples are exploring non-traditional relationship structures to fit their unique desires and values. ENM is a sign of the changing times, giving a new outlook on love, commitment, and personal freedom.
What exactly is ethical non-monogamy and why is it getting so much attention right now? In its core, Ethical Non-Monogamy means having intimate relationships with more than one partner, all of whom are fully aware and consensual with each other. It’s time to unveil the mystery behind this topic and go deeper into the real meaning and principles behind it.
This article will give you a glimpse into Ethical Non-Monogamy, and highlight the different ways it can provide value to your lives and relationships. Join me in an open minded journey into the world of ENM, whether you’re single, already in a relationship, or just curious; and let’s learn about its variations, what they mean, challenge preconceptions, and discover a new path of connection and fulfilment in your life.
The Basics of ENM – What is Ethical Non-Monogamy?
It may sound complicated, but ethical non-monogamy is based on some very simple yet profound principles – love, respect and honesty. Breaking that down, we get the following definitions of what ethical non-monogamy is, and how it differs from the models of relationship we’ve been moulded into.
Ethical Foundations
This the first building block and these relationships all are built off of trust and consent, they aren’t cheating or secret affairs they come with all involved being fully aware of the dynamics to ensure that it remains legal, consensual, responsible and ethical.
Communication is Key
One of the biggest, most universal rules of ENM is great communication. Not just conversation about preferences or boundaries, but an on-going dialogue about feelings, desires, and fears. This kind of communication leads to trust and deep connection, all of you feeling valued and heard.
Diversity in Action
This is not a one-size-fits-all monogamy factory and there isn’t just one thing that ENM means. This includes open relationships, polyamory, swinging, and other styles depending on the couple.
Becoming a better person
Probably the most important consequence for me of being in an open relationship is the opportunity to know myself better. Through engaging in open relationships ethically I try to understand my own sexuality and other peoples’. Open relationships challenge us to understand what is the difference between sex and what its deeper meanings are. No sexual contact is truly devoid of meaning, but open relationships force one to face this reality in a way that #kinkySEX and serial relations (‘friends with benefits’) do not.
Consent and Boundaries
The prevailing dogma of ENM is an unshakeable reverence for individual consent and boundaries. Everyone’s comfort levels, needs, and limits are taken as priority and so, ongoing discussions and adjustments are a crucial part of the dynamic.
Once you understand these basics, ENM starts to become something more than just your relationship style; it becomes a decision on your part to explore love and connection from outside of what you’ve always been taught is appropriate, built on a foundation of ethics, communication, and respect.
Types of Ethical Non-Monogamous Relationships
The experience of discovering different styles among people who practise ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is exciting and truly fascinating. Young or old, married or single, dating, or engaged, your partner of one year or ten; it doesn’t matter. Now we will go over some of the most common types of ENM in order to see the diversity and richness this approach to love can provide.
Polyamory is the practice of having multiple simultaneous partners, with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. It is an emphasis on emotional and romantic connections that often lead to long term commitments with multiple partners. Polyamory is the belief that love does not mean being with only one person and that it can be shared among several.
Open Relationships
Focusing on the primary partnership where emotional exclusivity is a main company while allowing sexual encounters outside the relationship. Open relationships value the freedom to explore sexual connections with others, within the security and emotional constraints of the committed partnership.
Swinging
Often approximately defined as couples exchanging partners for sexual experiences, swinging typically focuses primarily on recreational sex rather than romantic attachments. Swinging communities and events have a social aspect, where interaction and Consensual agreement are very important.
Relationship Anarchy
This takes the idea of conventional relationships and breaks down the hierarchies and rules that come with them and lets the people define what their commitments and connections are without a role to fill. A relationship anarchist values individual autonomy and set their relationships based on the individual needs of everyone involved.
Mono/Poly Dynamics
A subset of this dynamic is when someone identifies as monogamous and their partner identifies as polyamorous. These relationships require a lot of communication and/or personal introspection to navigate well and not hinge on your monogamous-ness or your partner’s polyamory.
Communication: The Heartbeat of Ethical Non-Monogamy
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) depends on communication. In an ENM relationship, a couple or group doesn’t just use communication as a tool. Rather, they embody it as a principle and a way to connect. Let’s see why honest and forthright talk is so essential for successful ENM and how, paradoxically, difficult moments can pull ENMers closer together.
Navigating Emotions
Emotions can be complex and multifaceted, especially in the context of ENM where love is not limited to a single partner. Open communication provides a safe space to express feelings, navigate through jealousy, and celebrate compersion (joy in a partner’s happiness with others). This emotional transparency is crucial for understanding and supporting each other through the ebb and flow of relationships.
Setting and Respecting Boundaries
In ENM, boundaries are not just lines in the sand; they are expressions of individual needs and comfort levels. Discussing and respecting these boundaries openly ensures that everyone’s needs are met without overstepping. It’s a delicate dance of giving and taking, made smoother through clear and empathetic communication.
Continual Consent
Consent is not a one-time checkbox in ENM; it’s an ongoing conversation. Circumstances change, and so do people’s feelings and boundaries. Regular check-ins ensure that everyone remains on the same page and that consent is continuously informed and enthusiastic.
Conflict Resolution
No relationship is without its challenges, but in ENM, the complexity multiplies. Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts in a healthy manner. It’s about listening actively, empathising, and finding common ground or solutions that respect everyone’s needs and feelings.
Deepening Connections
At its heart, communication in ENM is about more than just logistics or resolving issues. It’s a pathway to deeper emotional intimacy and understanding. Sharing fears, desires, and dreams openly not only strengthens individual relationships but also the collective dynamic among all involved.
Consent and Respect: The Pillars of ENM
In the world of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM), there are two unwavering forces at play: consent and respect. These aren’t just rules to follow; they’re the heartbeat of every ENM relationship, pumping trust, understanding, and a deep sense of care into the mix. So, let’s take a closer look at how these two key elements shape the ENM adventure, transforming it into an enriching experience for everyone on board.
The Sanctity of Consent
Consent is the north star that guides every interaction and decision in ENM. It’s about more than just agreement; it’s an informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing affirmation of each person’s participation and comfort level. Consent in ENM is dynamic, requiring continuous communication and the flexibility to adapt as relationships evolve and grow.
The Art of Respect
Respect in ENM goes beyond basic courtesy; it’s an empathetic acknowledgment of each person’s autonomy, feelings, and boundaries. It’s about honouring each individual’s desires and limits without judgement, fostering an environment where everyone feels valued and heard. Respect is the glue that holds the intricate web of ENM relationships together, ensuring that each bond is nurtured with dignity and care.
Navigating Boundaries
Boundaries are the personal lines that define where one person ends and another begins. In ENM, respecting these boundaries is paramount. It involves understanding and honouring each other’s limits, creating a safe space for exploration and connection. This respect for boundaries not only protects individuals but also strengthens the collective dynamic, ensuring that every relationship within the ENM framework thrives.
The Role of Trust
Trust is both a product and a prerequisite of consent and respect. In ENM, trust is cultivated through transparent communication, consistent actions, and the unwavering honour of agreements. This trust creates a secure foundation for relationships to flourish, allowing partners to explore and grow together in a supportive and loving environment.
Celebrating Individuality and Unity
ENM is a beautiful dance between individuality and unity, where consent and respect allow each person to shine in their uniqueness while being part of a harmonious whole. These pillars ensure that every relationship within the ENM constellation is appreciated for its distinct contribution to the collective joy and fulfilment.
Managing Jealousy & Insecurity With Ethical Non-Monogamy
Ethical Non-Monogamy can feel like an epic adventure, brimming with fresh connections, deeper closeness, and eye-opening self-realizations. But, just like any heartfelt journey, there might be moments when you hit rough patches of jealousy and insecurity. These feelings are as natural as the tide’s rise and fall and, when met with kindness, awareness, and honest chats, they can turn into opportunities for growth and deeper understanding.
Let’s dive into ways to navigate these emotions, turning them from obstacles into stepping stones in your ENM adventures.
Acknowledging Feelings
The first step in managing jealousy and insecurity is to acknowledge their presence without judgement. These feelings are not signs of weakness or failure; they are part of the human experience. Recognizing and naming these emotions can diminish their power and open the door to constructive exploration.
Open Communication
Once acknowledged, sharing these feelings with partners can be profoundly healing. Open, vulnerable communication can foster empathy, support, and connection, making it easier to navigate these emotions together. It’s important to express feelings without blame, focusing on personal experiences and needs.
Self-Reflection
Jealousy and insecurity often stem from deeper fears or unmet needs. Engaging in self-reflection can help uncover these underlying issues, whether they relate to self-esteem, fear of loss, or unfulfilled desires. Understanding the root causes of these emotions can provide valuable insights for personal growth and relationship dynamics.
Setting and Revisiting Boundaries
Sometimes, feelings of jealousy and insecurity signal that certain boundaries need adjustment. Regularly revisiting and communicating about boundaries can ensure that everyone’s needs are respected and met, providing a sense of security and trust within the relationship.
Cultivating Self-Love and Security
Building a strong foundation of self-love and inner security can significantly mitigate feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Engaging in self-care, pursuing personal interests, and fostering a supportive network of friends and loved ones can enhance self-esteem and emotional resilience.
Professional Support
There are times when navigating jealousy and insecurity might require external support. Therapists, especially those experienced in ENM, can provide valuable tools and perspectives, helping individuals and couples to work through complex emotions and strengthen their relationships.
Starting Your Ethical Non-Monogamy Journey
Starting your Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) journey opens up a sea of opportunities for love, connection, and growth. It’s an exciting but complex path, whether you’re exploring alone or with a partner. Here are key tips to confidently embark on your ENM adventure.
Self-Reflection and Education
Before diving into the ENM waters, it’s crucial to embark on a voyage of self-discovery. Ask yourself what draws you to ENM, what you hope to achieve, and how it aligns with your values and desires. Equally important is educating yourself about the various forms of ENM, understanding the principles of ethical practices, and hearing from those who have navigated these waters before. Books, online communities, and podcasts can be invaluable resources on your journey.
Open Communication with Existing Partners
If you’re considering ENM within an existing relationship, open and honest communication is your compass. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires about exploring ENM, and listen to your partner’s perspective with an open heart. It’s essential to approach these conversations with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to find common ground.
Setting Intentions and Boundaries
Clarity is your beacon in the ENM journey. Take the time to set clear intentions for what you wish to explore and experience through ENM. Discuss and agree on boundaries that honour everyone’s comfort levels and needs. Remember, these intentions and boundaries can evolve over time, so maintain flexibility and openness to change.
Navigating Consent and Respect
Consent and respect are the twin stars guiding your ENM journey. Ensure that all parties involved are fully informed, comfortable, and consenting to the dynamics of your ENM exploration. Respecting each person’s boundaries, desires, and autonomy is paramount in fostering ethical and fulfilling connections.
Building a Support System
Embarking on an ENM journey can be both exhilarating and challenging. Building a supportive community of friends, peers, or even a therapist who understands and respects ENM can provide a safe harbour during stormy weather. These connections can offer guidance, support, and a sense of belonging as you navigate your ENM path.
Embracing Learning and Growth
Every journey has its ups and downs, and ENM is no exception. Approach each experience as an opportunity for learning and growth, both personally and in your relationships. Celebrate the joys, learn from the challenges, and remain open to the endless possibilities that ENM can bring into your life.
Ethical Considerations in ENM Relationships
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) goes beyond exploring multiple romantic or sexual connections; it’s about engaging in these relationships ethically. This means prioritising respect, consent, and mindfulness in every interaction within the ENM framework. Let’s explore the crucial ethical considerations essential for nurturing healthy, satisfying, and responsible ENM relationships.
Transparency and Honesty
The bedrock of ethical ENM is a commitment to transparency and honesty. This involves openly sharing your ENM practices, desires, and boundaries with all partners. Honesty is not just about avoiding deceit; it’s about creating a space where everyone involved feels informed, secure, and respected.
Informed Consent
Consent in ENM goes beyond a simple yes or no. It’s about ensuring that all parties involved have a comprehensive understanding of the situation, including the potential risks and benefits, before agreeing to participate. Informed consent is a continuous process, requiring ongoing communication and the freedom for anyone to revise their consent at any time.
Emotional Responsibility
Engaging in ENM requires taking responsibility for your emotions and the emotional impact you may have on others. This involves recognizing your own feelings, such as jealousy or insecurity, and addressing them in a healthy manner, as well as being considerate and responsive to the emotions of others.
Respect for Boundaries
Ethical ENM necessitates a deep respect for personal and mutual boundaries. This includes honouring the agreed-upon limits within each relationship and understanding that these boundaries may evolve over time. Respecting boundaries also means acknowledging and adapting to the comfort levels of everyone involved, ensuring that all interactions are consensual and respectful.
Prioritising Health and Safety
A key ethical consideration in ENM is the health and safety of all partners. This includes practising safe sex, having open discussions about sexual health and STI testing, and ensuring that all physical and emotional interactions contribute to the well-being of everyone involved.
Navigating Power Dynamics
Ethical ENM involves being mindful of the power dynamics that can exist within relationships, whether they stem from differences in age, economic status, emotional investment, or other factors. It’s important to recognize and address these dynamics to ensure that all relationships are balanced and equitable.
Community Respect
Ethical ENM also extends to the broader community. This includes respecting the privacy and boundaries of others, being mindful of how your ENM practices impact those around you, and contributing positively to the ENM and wider community.
Ethical Non-Monogamy Is Redefining Relationships
Ethical Non-Monogamy is redefining the boundaries of love, connection, and personal growth in a way that respects the autonomy and worth of everyone involved. ENM invites us to challenge traditional narratives, embrace diversity in relationships, and celebrate the infinite ways in which love can manifest.
At the heart of ENM lies a commitment to honesty, transparency, and ethical behaviour. These principles not only guide us in navigating the complexities of multiple relationships but also in fostering deeper, more meaningful connections with ourselves and others. By prioritising communication, consent, and respect, we create a foundation that supports not just the relationships we have with others, but also the relationship we have with ourselves.
Whether you’re just beginning to consider the possibilities of ENM, or you’re already well on your journey, remember that this path is as unique as the individuals who walk it. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to non-monogamy, just as there’s no universal blueprint for love and relationships. The beauty of ENM lies in its flexibility, its inclusivity, and its potential to redefine what it means to love and be loved.
Life has quickly become about convenience. Stop and think about modern dating if you can find the time in among your seemingly full, hectic schedule, and look.
When was the last time you actually stopped and looked?
I’m not talking about walking past the new display window outside your favorite and lamenting of your disappointment of it. Take the simple ‘joy’ of cooking where you go to the store and buy an abundance of products. Then having thrown away a quarter of the weight of the purchases is finally ready to turn on the stove.
It’s to the point where you can get your vegetables pre-sliced, diced and prepared, and where you simply add an egg and water to a cake mix and you’ve made a cake. That’s cooking?
Is it Time to Go Back to Basics?
There has been a recent resurgence in many aspects of life to shun this commercialized convenience and go back to basics.
Indeed, to keep with the cooking analogy we now have an increasing abundance of meaningless shows dedicated to the amateur and budding home cooks. This cutting edge of new places, the latest fads are all revolving around the ‘old fashioned’ speed dating. New ways of dating are all being repackaged for premium prices in a desperate attempt to return back to basics.
Everything in life is so conveniently packaged.
It’s done in this way to increase our productiveness in such a time pressed world. What people fail to realize is where the responsibility for that pressing of time resides. A lot of people blame the dedication to work, their social lives, families, and parental duties. When really the time pressed nature of our world is our own construction.
What was once an emerging trend, is now an established trend. This is why places that offer a return to the ‘back to basics’ mentality, are now seen as hip, niche, New York and Vogue.
But still, it continues. Where once we would go out after work to the bar, have a cocktail and a drink and actually socialise. Now we do the exact same thing whilst sitting in a group on our mobile phones comparing tinder profiles, commenting salaciously in ways that would make Samantha Jones blush and Charlotte York reach under the table for a bucket.
What was once the cutting edge of social commentary is now actuality.
The Modern Dating Age
Mobile dating apps such as Tinder, Grindr, Blendr and a multitude of others have officially become one of the most popular ways of meeting potential love interests in an increasingly technologically driven world.
There are many articles both heralding this new way of socialising, demonising it or even condemning it to Dante’s Inferno.
Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse
If you were to believe Nancy Jo Sales in her article ‘Tinder and the Dawn of the ‘Dating Apocalypse’ you would see a painting of the bleakest and bleariest picture when it comes to online/app dating.
Without the Capstan salt shaker from Tiffany & Co, you would think that the world is a messed up place that has surreally traveled back in time. To a misogynistic castle where Knighted Men in Burberry Suits are purely after the thrill of the hunt throughout their predatory twenties.
Women (AKA, Tinderella’s) are lamenting over the idea that men are only after sex not relationships as they depressingly drink their margaritas and cosmopolitans.
This obviously resurrected passivity and stereotyping of women that is exemplified in Sales writing is strikingly reminiscent of Sex and The City’s first episode – from June 6, 1998, in case you were wondering.
What’s This Article All About then?
I’m not quite sure where Sales has received her data from. Or maybe she’d been clutching onto this article for the past 18 years. Its ‘relevance’ is picked up by Karley Sciortino in her Vogue article; Breathless: In Defense of Hookup Culture.
As Sciortino points out, Sales sample base for the article is heavily one sided, misogynistic and not at all representative of the actual people on Tinder. There are no single men referenced looking for relationships, or women looking for hook-ups.
It’s like she has deliberately placed polar opposites in an article to create her own heavily constructed mismatched apocalyptic world to create the perfect back drop for her jaded opinion. . . . oh, wait a minute.
Indeed, whilst someone has clearly been spurned over a Manhatten, Sciortino enlists the help of sex researcher, Dr. Zhana Vrangalova.
Deliciously, after condemning Sales, to remind us almost ruefully that
‘There are all sorts of people on Tinder, just like there are all sorts of people everywhere.’
It’s almost a comment of hope that one would find in a singles anthem.
Dating Apps are Convenient
On dating apps there will ‘sorts of people’ specifically looking for casual sex, ‘sorts of people’ specifically looking for long term relationships. And ‘sorts of people’ looking for everything in between.
You cannot simply traverse through life any more without multitasking, and ‘pre-dating’ electronically has now become an accepted, and arguably necessary, part of the dating process.
This however has its flaws – which I will expose through a very personal and upsetting story.
A Dating Story
At some point between 1997 and 2002 I missed a very important memo. In my head I had this delightful image of something deliciously cute, furry, and cheekily mischievous, my brain had developed an image in my head that was in my arguments at the time – irrefutable.
I do not know where this image came from. Or why I so stubbornly clung to it, maybe I had missed half a sentence, or a key word. It was clear when Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets came out, that I had missed a key description of Dobby the House Elf.
I came out of my date with this film utterly devastated and confused that my beloved house elf and turned out to be so. . . well – not what I had imagined at all.
Tech based text, that being any text conversation, can be wildly misleading
You can FIL (Fall-In-Like) with nothing more than a figment of your imagination and be absolutely crushed when your date disappoints you by failing to match up with the expectations that you have set them.
Considering the statistics are that 66% of people never meet their tech-based-dates where are these dates actually happening?
Text-Dating multiple people whilst waiting in line for your sandwich at lunch.
This flirtatious 30, 45, 60 minutes can involve several text messages to more people than are ingredients in your lunch. Meaning that you have effectively crammed ordinarily mundane tasks like ordering lunch, texting man from last night’s date night, texted message to colleague regarding work.
And texted your BFF about ‘Oh Em Gee, today is such a rah rah rah’, reminded yourself that you need to get cat food, messaged last week’s boy-met-online, spent three point four minutes considering something delightfully witty to reply to Boy#4 who you met randomly at the grocery store last week.
And you’re pseudo flirting through not-so-subtle-yet-overtly-witty remarks concerning cheese, into your lunch break.
Relaxing from Work – I think not!
Did I mention you were supposed to be relaxing from work, you’ve just paid for lunch and is the break over already?
You return back to work in stunned silence silently cursing the ‘short’ lunch break that you have received and your inability to complete all the things that you wanted to whilst on break.
Tough world, eh?
It’s a World of Instant Gratification
In a world full of instant gratification, where through a few simple clicks and time, one can have virtually anything delivered to them – including sex.
From Grindr to Tinder and everything in between you will have people who solely log on to have a sexual need fulfilled.
With such a view towards gratification is it little wonder then that when it comes to relationships, and something longer lasting that we spend time Text-Dating, sometimes multiple people at the same time.
We view this as an attempt to weed out the assholes based on such superficial things such as texting abilities, meme knowledge, ability to know when, and which, funny images to send at the right moment. All of which are increasingly relevant in today’s society and are exceptionally valuable skills to have in order to maintain a long lasting relationship between life, work, and texting everyone else.
Should Our Dating Lives Be the Same?
When everything else is so heavily packaged in a convenient manner, should our dating lives not be the same?
It is clear, through all intents and purpose that the dating game has changed. With such cosmopolitanism and an ease of access to the internet/technology your potential dating pool has increased exponentially. There needs to be ways to sift through that increased dating pool at a much faster rate.
Arguably, it has not only changed the ways we approach relationships but also changed the way we conduct relationships, traverse and navigate through relationships and ultimately who we settle for.
Text Dating, and more broadly, tech-dating is a fundamental part of modern dating
The question is if it is at all helpful, and accurate in selecting partners or if we should revert back to basics?
As mentioned before what we see/read may not always be what we receive. Whilst text based dating can lead to a new found openness that doesn’t necessarily exist within a face-to-face context, can that openness transcend beyond the screen or if it starts on that screen, will it forever be doomed to the screen?
Tech Based dating opens new worlds
It also closes doors that have existed before. The cute awkwardness of the blind date, the fumbling for common ground over dinner. Now you’ve pretty much seen their dating resume before you even consider meeting up with them for that first interview.
I’m not suggesting that app dating has condemned us to a doomed state of affairs (Yes, I’m going there). I’m certainly suggesting that there needs to be a re-evaluation of the dating game. An understanding that convenient dating is now more like a marketable business.
Worryingly, we place ourselves at risk of failed relationships because we are so overwhelmed by convenience and choice. Perhaps that is why, when it comes to dating – there is a valid argument that we need to come back to basics.
Or you can mix the two options together and check out the Top 30 LGBTQIA Nightclubbing Venues & Dating Apps in Sydney.
Leave a Reply