Bad Boys Vs Good Men – What Sets Them Apart?
Bad Boys Vs Good Men – Disaster is your middle name in relationships. Your romantic passions often end exactly that way. Time and time again you ask yourself why these “attractions of deprivation” feel just like true love.
We don’t get taught about how love can hurt us. Our story is only that it is a beautiful, and life-altering mystery to find. Our gifts are exactly just that, our most profound, intimate gifts. In the wrong hands, however, they are our greatest downfall, but with every heartbreak comes a silver lining.
There is always that one type! You know that kind that stops you dead in your tracks? The type that makes your heart skip a beat and makes you do and say the silliest things.
You are literally “weak at the knees”. They trigger inside or us our insecurities, yet we long for them. How does this happen?
Unresolved issues from childhood and adolescence
We often have unresolved hurts that began in our childhood or teenage years, whatever form they manifest in—be it betrayal, hurt, or abuse. Unconsciously, our mind seeks to heal from these traumas through the manipulation of our intimate partners.
We are attracted to people who wind us in the same way. Our consciousness tries to “fix it” by changing the outcome of the original event. This means we can finally break free of our feelings of unworthiness and distrust.
What is The Myth of Lost Love?
At the heart of our being, there’s a yearning for healing, often encapsulated in what we call the “myth of lost love.” As we venture into the unknown world, we encounter experiences that feel like profound loss and betrayal. This stark contrast to the magical, profound love stories we were fed as children leads us to create the “myth of lost love” to make sense of our pain. This myth, potent in its influence, shapes our understanding of life and love.
Facing the World’s Harsh Realities
This myth serves a dual purpose. Firstly, it acknowledges the world’s uncertainties, guiding us to erect walls for self-protection. Secondly, it can lead us down a more destructive path, making us believe we’re always at fault, unlovable, or unworthy of love.
The Vulnerability of Our Core Gifts
In our most vulnerable state, we might blame ourselves for the absence of love, clinging to these beliefs even when someone rekindles the spark of what we’ve lost. Ironically, the traits we often view as flaws are precisely what can draw the love we truly need. These are our core gifts.
The Power of Our Core Gifts
If wisdom guaranteed love, we’d all be blissfully united. Yet, the reality is messier, driven by what we might call attractions of deprivation. Our core gifts aren’t just talents or strengths, but our deepest sensitivities and passions. They embody our most creative, loving selves. While these gifts can attract misuse or lead to irrational behavior because of their intensity, recognizing and properly wielding them empowers us. They allow us to grasp the profound narrative of our lives fully.
What Is Fear of abandonment in Relationships?
Fear of abandonment sits deeply within the human psyche, acting as one of our most profound fears. Ironically, we often find ourselves drawn to those who embody the very essence of deprivation. This paradox stems from an innate desire to secure the love, approval, or care of our partners, believing that achieving this will fulfill our deepest needs.
Such relationships plunge us into a vortex of neediness and longing, stripping away our sense of balance and nurturing feelings of inadequacy. The pain becomes a bizarre source of sustenance, with every minor sign of affection or approval feeling like a jackpot.
This dynamic mirrors the addictive cycle of gambling, where the occasional win fuels a relentless pursuit of victory. These attractions are perilously alluring, offering the intoxicating thrill of the chase, akin to the patterns observed in love addiction.
Consider these scenarios:
Have you ever found yourself hopelessly attached to someone who was clearly unavailable or detrimental to your well-being?
Have you invested excessive time and energy trying to teach someone the basic principles of respect and care in a relationship?
Or perhaps you’ve experienced the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with yearning for the affection of someone who oscillates between treating you wonderfully and terribly.
These experiences highlight the complex web of fear, desire, and addiction that characterizes our interactions with those who trigger our fear of abandonment.
What Is The Secret To Finding Love?
The path to finding true love is transformative, hinging on shifting our attractions for both our mental and physical well-being. The profound secret lies in gravitating towards attractions of inspiration. This insight, seemingly straightforward, often eludes many for decades, if not indefinitely.
Embrace Warmth and Ease
Relationships anchored in inspiration exude a natural warmth and ease. The essence here is to accept care from our partners, not to vie for it. True partners inspire us to excel, loving us for our authentic selves. Such connections thrive on genuine well-being, blossoming gradually and enriching with time.
They demand effort, but reward us with love, not desperation. This is the love that forms the foundation of a life well-lived, meriting our finest gifts and deepest intimacy.
Beyond the Surface
Absent the nourishment of inspirational attractions, love dims, regressing to a diminished, defensive version of ourselves. We are akin to elastic bands, defaulting to a minimal, comfortable size without external forces urging us towards growth. A relationship of inspiration acts as this force, expanding our boundaries beyond imagined limits.
Questions To Ask Yourself;
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Are you motivated by your partner’s (mostly) consistent care and approval?
A. My partner’s consistent care and approval are not just motivating; they’re the backbone of our connection. It’s their unwavering support that fuels my confidence and inspires me to be the best version of myself. Their kindness isn’t just a trait I admire; it’s a guiding light in our relationship, encouraging me to reciprocate with equal grace and goodness.
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Are you motivated by your partner’s goodness and graciousness?
A. Goodness and graciousness are not just motivational; they’re the very essence of why I fell in love. Each act of kindness, each moment of grace, illuminates the depth of their character and the purity of their heart. It’s in these qualities that I find a continuous source of inspiration, driving me to be equally generous and kind. Their innate goodness enriches our relationship, fostering a loving environment where both of us thrive.
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Is your love powered by admiration for the person your partner is?
A. My love rooted in admiration for the person my partner is. Witnessing their integrity, compassion, and resilience in daily life not only deepens my love but also my respect for them. This admiration is a constant reminder of the incredible individual I have the privilege of sharing my life with.
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Are you and your partner willing to do the hard work of soothing the relationship’s areas of limitation?
A. Facing and soothing the relationship’s areas of limitation is a journey we’re both committed to. We understand that love isn’t just about enjoying the good times, but also about navigating the challenges together. Our willingness to work through these limitations, to listen, understand, and grow, is what strengthens our bond and ensures our love endures through every season of life.
This is the kind of love that can sustain a future, treasure it, and celebrate it. This is your attraction of inspiration.
The most important part to all of this is that most of us are actually hard-wired to desire people who inspire us. And that value us and is available. We can be deeply attracted to inspiring relationships, not just negative ones. Or at least on some level, we can choose the healthier love.
With everything beautiful and inspiring, they can come with their own unique challenges.
Morgan x
Author: Morgan is a consultant from Adult Lifestyle Centres
Men Are Merely Mortal Too!
About Men: The other day a son of my friend approached me and said that his parents were after him to start a family. Be like a man and do it, they were telling him. Yes. Be a man. Poor guy was not aware of how hard it is sometimes to be a man.
Is it a man’s world? You got to be kidding.
In whatever way you define a gender, a clear line separates men from women. Most people believe this line actually exists. Then how do we define a man? To me, he is that section of the society who has testosterone. This gives him the urge for coitus which helps the unending process of continuing the human species.
That is the only difference. Estrogen and Testosterone. The physical separation between the legs and chest. But on a characteristic level? I wouldn’t separate out these humans into genders.
It is quite possible for a man to have a man’s physical appearance but at the same time have more feminine characteristics from within, and yes, a woman could act like a man in precarious position. It indeed is, therefore, cruelty to be restricted in a framework of behaviour and countenance, by this traditional definition.
So are you a man?
Then act Manly although deep inside, you do not want to. A lot of people would not go by my definition of gender and hence their idea would be:
- Men should not like Pink (even though his wife’s name is Pinky).
- Men-should like blue (in spite of he is suffering from Monday blues).
- Men don’t cry (even though he has tear producing ducts in his eyes).
- They must hold back emotions. (refer number 3 above).
- Men are drunkards. (They never drink tap water).
- Man must propose a woman in a relationship, with a rose in hand, bent down on his knees (even though he recently underwent knee replacement surgery).
- Men always chase women. (They don’t have jobs).
- Men are possible rapists. (They are unaware of criminal procedure code for rapists).
- Men only have to lift heavy bags after shopping. (So they can develop their biceps without weight training).
- He is all mechanics. He has to repair a broken car, change a light bulb, fix a leakage, pay the bills, buy a cell phone for their better half, and fix a TV. (As if women are dumb in these areas).
- It is a man who has to earn the bread as per the social norm. ( I can show many women entrepreneurs and CEOs and women workforce).
- Look closely at the Display Profile of a cell phone of a woman. You will hardly find her with her husband, except on his birthday. Now, look at the cell phone of a man. In a majority of cases, he invariably has his wife alongside him. (This is true).
People (read women) always assume that because men have a pair of testicles, life must be much easier for them. Is it? No. Most painful part is man has to literally show that his penis is becoming big from the flaccid state and becomes erect and show his orgasm by way of spilling semen, whereas all a woman has to do is spread her legs, put some saliva (which is readily available) and fake orgasm, if she so thinks.
Bingo! This is total injustice from Mother Nature. So what is the big deal? Truth is, men are made of the same organic matter as women. They feel the same thing and have the same emotions. If testicles would not have developed, it would have been Labia Majora of a woman.
Men also cry. “I like walking in the rains so nobody can see my tears “Charlie Chaplin had said. They cry silently because they don’t want others to perceive them as weak.
Loneliness is also more present among men because men receive less attention than women. A woman perhaps likes a man; she might never talk to him. She might even act cold because she feels intimidated. When a man talks to a girl, she starts feeling uncomfortable, as though the man has sex in his head. He is expected to be at your toes and go out of his way to help the fairer sex because he believes in chivalry, even when it’s not required, or worse when she is taking absolute advantage of him.
Most men don’t know how to read subtle signs and women think that the man is an idiot. Thus men end up suffering from loneliness and depression because they don’t get attention from others. And yes, men need a lot of attention too. Depression and loneliness are real and extremely common among men.
Everyone should understand that men –
- need support. They become elated when she tells him she will be there no matter how long it takes.
- love it if they can make you laugh.
- still, want to know that you choose them every day over every other.
- like women, want to be made to feel wanted.
- also, worry about rejection.
- do want to know that they can’t be easily replaced.
Men are not inhuman and are also able to reciprocate love and affection. They just want to make sure you’re there for them, on sunny days and on rainy days as well.
They need you from the cradle to the grave, from the womb to the tomb, from the sperm to the worm, and from erection to resurrection.
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