The Truth About My Secret Fetishes

My Secret Fetishes – It’s What We Do!

To start off with my secret fetishes, let’s look at the word Fetish.  Fetish is derived from the Portuguese word for Charm or Spell.  Fetishes range from completely common to very uncommon.  Today, I’m going to cover my secret fetishes and the more common ones.

Swinging

It’s actually a common taboo subject which involves a non-monogamous couple.  What is a swinger?  Generally married couples that choose to partner swap with other couples.  Or invite another person into the bedroom.  A lot of people who engage in swinging do so for the extra spice in their love life and to add a bit more into the relationship.

A massive hurdle is to get over is jealousy, self confidence and fear, a lot of couples actually tend to get closer after this as they see their partner in a new way and gain more self confidence by feeling sexy and what not.

It’s reported that 75% of all Swinging relationships are brought up first and instigated by the male partner.

Swinging has become a huge international lifestyle

Since the emergence of the internet an even earlier to the 60’s.  It even has dedicated clubs to it where people can go and swap partners.  There is also private chat rooms and online apps that even cater to this lifestyle.

According to research done by the Kinsey Institute 2-4% of Married couples are considered swingers.  (With that number likely being higher due to people staying private)

Foot Fetish

This fetish is actually the most common fetish for a non sexual part of a humans body.  Many people you know or have seen on TV indulge in this for instance Pharrell Williams and Quentin Tarentino and his foot fetish.  For some this fetish is downright disgusting.  For others it’s the only way they can orgasm is indulging.

A foot fetishist has different things that attract them to certain feet, whether that be length of toes, size, arch, jewelry, manicured or not and even sensory (smell,sight,touch).

Rise of The Foot Fetish

Researchers think that foot fetishism (and the increase in it) occurred due to rise in STI’s and Illnesses.  They’ve actually seen that throughout the ages and seen the prevalence during rises of sickness such as AIDS in the 80’s as it was considered a safe sex alternative.

Earliest to date foot fetish article ever found is from the year 1220.  They think that foot fetishes are caused by feet and genitals being close in the brain.  But I’d argue against that as it’s a partialism fetish which also includes, butt, breasts and even naval.

I think it’s just a common one of My Secret Fetishes

For exact statistical data there hasn’t been enough research but it is known as the number one non sexual part of the body. I can refer to a article by Cosmo that read that 25% of women had some sort of foot fetish involvement on them from a partner.

It’s much more prevalent in males than females.

Wax Play

What fun wax play is!

I tried it for the very first time yesterday so I’d like to go in depth with it.  Just a word of warning, since you are literally playing with fire be very careful, it’s actually pretty easy to set fire to anything.  Wax can give third degree burns if not checked properly or using the incorrect candles.

Wax Play is one of the easiest fetishes to get into.

Safety First

• Before using the wax on the subject always check it’s temperature by putting a little bit on the back of your hand or arm as to see how hot it is. You don’t want to kill the mood and possibly your sub. Being actually burnt can turn a lot of fun into a hostile event.
• Test every candle this way as they are all made up of different chemicals so some burn at a much higher temperature than others.
• Some don’t get too hot at all so be sure to choose the right candle for yourself and your partner.
• Keep in mind that depending how your partner is restrained or not (maybe even blindfolded) they will have different levels of heightened sensations, which will make the wax feel hotter or even cooler than it actually is.
• When applied to hairy areas i have found trying to get the wax off after about as hard as trying to comb chocolate pudding out of a shag rug.  Be prepared for that haha.  You can use a credit card or similar items to take the wax off.
• But if it is in a sensitive area (i.e genitals) a nice warm shower will help unlodge any bothersome wax that just wants to be close to you.

Suggestions For Wax Play

• Hold the candle higher than you normally would and it will land at a cooler temperature due to the fact that it has time to cool down mid air.
• Make sure you’re using the right candles, so ones without irritants or added chemicals especially metal based ones or super shiny ones, they generally have acrylic in it which is not skin friendly.
• There are many ways to do wax play and i’m sure you know it’s a form of temperature play in the BDSM scene, these can range from just using it with a candle or to even melting in a pot, if you are using a pot be super careful and make sure that it has all evenly temperatures , the way to achieve this is by stirring the pot continually.
• When choosing the right place to start on your partner with the wax make sure you pick a good spot, by good spot i mean one that isn’t flammable (hairy) and make sure you don’t do the face or direct on piercings as the caked wax is very hard to get off especially around piercings and can cause annoying infections.
• Parrafin candles are generally the way to go because they have a low melt temperature and are much more likely to be fun first time around, as i’m more of the jump in the deep end type guy i tried really really really hot ikea candles right on my jiggly bits and it was the most insane feeling, i loved it.

If you haven’t tried it Wax Play I would suggest it.

At Adultsmart we even stock some soy candles in our shops and they can be used as a body massage oil once poured onto the sub.

JimmyJane actually carry a range of candles as well for beginners.

This one has a few scents in it which is awesome, smells can bring around new arousal, so for instance I hate the smell of strong vanilla but if someone poured melted caramel on me i’d be turned on like a light switch.

With all that said it comes down to tolerance on what you want/what you can handle.  Some might think that Soy and Parrafin aren’t hot enough so they might like to increase and go with a beeswax candle which has a way higher melting point.

A cool thing also about wax play is you can make beautiful works of art on your subs body with multi colored candles or even by melting down the child safe non toxic crayons to make awesome colors and works of art 😀  I hope you try it out if you haven’t because it was truly mesmerizing.

Get Shocked With This Fetish Fantasy!

Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit is a new domain for me. I’ve never at any point thought about or wanted to experience electro-sex at any time as I really thought it was something a little too kinky for me!

This sex toy manufacturers is Pipedream Products. True to Pipedream’s quality the sex toy arrives in a handy and hardy box, on the cover it features a woman bravely using the Shock Therapy Kit.

From what I can see, she is obviously by all accounts getting a charge out of it!

What Does the Kit Contain?

• A digital power control unit (which is a remote control to you and me).
• 4 adhesive pads.
• Bi-polar lead wire.
• Instruction manual.
• Free love mask.
• Remote just takes 2 x AAA batteries. This puts me on ease because if it takes only 2 small batteries, it can’t hurt that much right?

Wiring of the Kit and Adhesive Pads 

• Individual adhesive pads are connected by wires into the remote control.
• The wires are sufficiently long enough to place on different erogenous zones for your personal pleasure.  Comfortably use the remote without any problems.
• Adhesive pads are to a great degree sticky! They are not going to tumble off whilst you are having fun with them.
• You must be mindful so as not to touch them with your fingertips.
• They have clear plastic covers that can be placed over them to keep them sticky.  Don’t throw them away or lose these!
• I’m not certain to what extent the adhesive pads will last. I would assume that they would probably last 10 uses, but this is a pure guess!
• But one of the great things about this product is that when they do need to changed, you can actually buy them separately at an affordable price.
• This makes them worth the money especially if you absolutely love electrostimulation.

Digital power control unit displays clear settings

• When you go through the modes you will discover that there are pre-set modes that work best for different muscles and particular areas of the body.
• 100 different modes to choose from – so if I were to attempt to tell you all of them to you we could be here for quite a while!
• Every mode has a clock which turns the device off after around 10 to 15 minutes of use.

The Love Mask

Love mask is made from a shabby material but it was free and it did what it was supposed to do.  Using the love mask helped to deprive my eyesight which helped to enhance the levels of erotic electrostimulation that I felt.  It is a lot of fun especially if you ask your lover to change the modes.

My First Attempt of the Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit

I first attempted the Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit with my lover.  I allowed him to place the adhesive pads on my back.  For some reason I expected the experience to feel like a dazzling back rub.

My goodness! I had no idea just how wrong I’d be.

When they describe their product as being shocking they are not mucking around! Although it was powered by 2 x AAA batteries, there was a hell of a ton of force!  On lower settings it felt truly pleasant. But on the higher settings the erotic electrostimulation was strong.

Generally Clear Instructions

Instruction manual provides generally clear instructions on how to begin to use the product. I think one thing the instruction manual is missing is the locations on where to place the adhesive pads.

I feel that if Pipedream Products were to update their manual with this information, it would help people experience higher levels of pleasure or pain!

Why Do Erotic ElectroStimulation?

I’m certain I read somewhere that erotic electrostimulation increases the levels of collagen and increased levels of collagen can potentially firm up a woman’s breasts.

This is worth an attempt right?

I tested this out and I can’t say the sex toy did anything for my breasts aside from making them move about all over the place.  Although, seeing them move was truly an exciting thing to see.

I genuinely didn’t think erotic electrostimulation would be for me

But if you know where to put the adhesive pads and are able to effectively work out the settings it can make an incredible electro sex toy.  It’s not only for people who like painful pleasure. It can also be incredible for releasing muscle pressures after you’ve had a work out.

I do like that you can put the 4 adhesive pads where ever you like on the body so they don’t all need to be in the one spot.

Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit is good for beginners

You can effortlessly control the mode yourself.  Can also quickly change it to go down to the lowest setting.

The LCD screen makes it straightforward to use and there is a large range of settings that you can choose from. LCD screen allows you to see the velocity, power and mode.

Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit was pretty awesome even though I am not sure if I want to explore the BDSM roleplaying scene any further.

10 Popular Fetishes You Ought To Know!

Many people don’t have any idea about Fetishism or Fetish.  What is a fetish and what are 10 popular fetishes?

Erotic fetishism or sexual fetishism is a kind of sexual arousal that a person receives from physical objects or from specific situations. These objects or situations are referred to as a fetish. The person who has a fetish for that particular object is known as fetishist.

Sexual fetishism may be done by an individual but is often interlaced with another person or persons that share that common fetish.

What are Fetishes?

People (whether men or women) who like erotic fetishism, can be aroused by unusual parts of the body, or activities as well as objects that are usually not used in regular sex.

Its desire is so strong that some people may not get fully sexually satisfied without using a fetish object, imagining fetish objects or creating a fetish scene.

This often makes the fetish scene seem underground and bizarre.  But in truth it may be different but is no more unusual or bizarre than the BDSM scene.

A Quick Intro To Types of Popular Fetishes

Some fetishes are non-sexual too and may be as simple as dressing up as animals ‘furrys’ or as your favorite action character  ‘cos play’.

There are various kinds of sexual fetishes each different from the other but all  have their own way to get erotic pleasures.

Body Parts

Some people concentrate on parts of the body such as legs, feet, bottom, hair, armpits.  Along with various other parts of the body.

Scenarios with BDSM

Other people involve sex by creating certain kind of scenarios including bondage, spanking, dominant / submissive role playing, trampling as well as cross-dressing.

Types of Clothing or Fabric

There are many others, who like to wear certain kind of fabrics or clothing for stimulation including rubber, latex, leather or even angora sweaters.  So there are an unlimited number of scenarios and objects that are used.

Is Sexual Fetishism Bad?

There are many people who have considered sexual fetishism as a sin.  This is beccause our society labels anything  that differs from conventional sex as perverted or deviant.

These ideas are narrow minded and in all probability those who are most vocal in their hatred have hidden fetishes themselves.

There Should be No Boundaries – Except Legal

A person should have no boundaries (except legal) in how they wish to express their sexual freedom.  They want to enjoy their sexual life in non traditional ways with their fetishes. according to their sexual needs.

People who don’t fulfill their sexual needs will be frustrated.  Not being sexually fulfilled has equal importance in the people’s well-being as many other as things like diet and exercise.

10 Popular Fetishes

Babification – Popular Fetishes #1

Adults that dress up, act as and wanted to be treated as infants or children.  They may appreciate partaking in wearing diapers, being looked after by a grown-up, sucking on a bottle or pacifier.  Or dessing up in infant garments, crawling as opposed to walking and talking in :”baby” talk.

People inspired by infantilism probably appreciate not having responsibilities at home and many are often in high pressure jobs.

Swinging – Popular Fetishes #2

Generally when a married couple or those in a very long-term relationship wish to experiment sexually with other people.  They do this mostly with other couples also in long-term relationships whilst remaining together.

Often they go to swinging parties where they may wife swap or allow the other partner to have sex with someone else whilst watching.

It is essential to note that the relationship of the swinging couple must be strong prior to venturing into this fetish.

Water Sports or Urolagnia – Popular Fetishes #3

This is the demonstration of being turned on by pee, whether it is the sight, feel or smell of it.  It might include the fulfillment or demonstration of washing in pee also.

Regular sorts of Urolagnia include wetting one’s self or the perception of someone else wetting themselves while completely dressed.  Watching someone peenig in the washroom.  Being ahuman urinal, otherwise called accepting or giving a “golden shower”.

It might include the craving to urinate out in the open or watch another person do as such.

Why is somone into that? 

Nobody really knows what causes this but people that are into this sort of fetish like the freedom when urinating in broad daylight and satisfaction when someone pees on them.

Cross-Dressing – Popular Fetishes #4

People that cross-dress wear clothes and adornments of the “opposite sex.”

Cross-dressing is more normal than you may might suspect,  influencing mainly hetero and gay men.  Athough some women will cross-dress as men too.

There are an assortment of explanations behind cross-dressing.  It might be that the individual does not feel the sex they were naturally born with fits who they are. Maybe they are excited by the thought of wearing something “prohibited” to them.

It might be that they just appreciate the distinctive part of design not normally accessible to them in public.  Cross-dressing has turned out to be more accepted by society in recent years.  Shops and online boutiques showcasing particularly to cross-dressers.

Foot fetishism – Popular Fetishes #5

This is a common one.  It is the most well-known fixation.

Sigmund Freudoffered the clarification that individuals build up this interest because of the way that the human foot looks like a penis.  Foot worshiping is a well known interest with 90 percent of the fetishists being male.

It can include the foot alone, or feet, shoes and socks or leggings.  People that are not into this fetish may still appreciate having their toes sucked every so often.

Sado-Masochism – Popular Fetishes #6

Spanking a butt can bring about excitement for some individuals.   More severe discipline may take us back to our adolescence, make us feel loved and cared for, which many people find a turn on.

It can likewise be a piece of mastery and subjugation with the master or mistress directing the spankings taking control of the subordinate/slave.  Whatever it is that we appreciate about punishment its a regular and common fetish.

Exhibitionists/Voyeurism – Popular Fetishes #7

People appreciate watching sex or exposing themselves in broad daylight.  Men are more voyeuristic than ladies with 12 percent of men being stimulated while watching sexual acts compared to 4% of ladies.

As shown by statistics from the sex industry, 80 percent of people watching porn are men.  Exhibitionism is an alternate story however and almost all of us have done it.   It is not just about taking off all your clothes.  But wearing something more seductive, showing a bit more leg or opening the shirt button a little extra.

Doing anything for the purpose of showcasing our bodies is a form of exhibitionism and who has not been guilty of that?

Rubberists – Popular Fetishes #8

This fetish is demonstrated by those that either get sexual satisfaction from wearing or having someone wear rubber, leather, latex, vinyl or other material. They are colled “rubberists”.

The tight material goes about as a sort of sexual servitude.  For a few, the odor of elastic/latex/cowhide may likewise be a turn on.  An interest can extend from wearing the more traditional things like a cat suit to something more extreme like a gas mask.

Role Playing – Popular Fetishes #9

Sexual role playing scenarios includes two or more people carrying out various parts to create a sexual situation.  It can be any kind of sexual fantasy.  Couples could role play in a certain place,  or during a certain activity or a certain way.

BDSM – Popular Fetishes #10

This stand for bondage, domination and sado masochism so entails a great deal.   BDSM is a general fetish that in itself contains hundreds more and may be any on or all of these words.

Generally it is accepted that those doing Bondage play have “an arrangement of practices, traditions, and customs.  These can be including the giving by one individual to another individual control over them”.  It includes punishment and domination but between two consenting adults.

This can be as a one-time event, occasional practice or always in their relationship.  Many times couples reverse roles in different sessions.

Is The Fetishisation Of Race, Racist?

Recently, I sat down to watch the critically acclaimed horror film, Get Out.

Now whilst I thought that it was a pretty decent film, I wasn’t quite sure as to whether the film was as great of a psychological thriller as the critics claimed it to be.  I was ultimately left feeling a little confused and wondering if this was it.  And  I felt like I had missed an integral part of the film at some stage.

Well, in a way, it turns out that I had.

Upon speaking about the film afterwards with friends, it quickly became apparent that I had been looking at the film with white privileged eyes.  And that despite my education and understanding of race, racism and gender,  I was never going to be in a position where I would intimately be able to understand the racial undertones, and social commentary of the film.

The film, in many ways, can be seen as a discussion of race and racism.  It highlights the perception of the subservient stereotype of African Americans.

Such a discussion is relevant, as it comes at a time where the Black Lives Matter campaign is still on everyone’s lips.  The social and political divide across America is fraught with difficulties and challenges.

Get Out Left Me Thinking

The film left me thinking about our interaction with race and racism.  This ultimately led to thinking about how these topics impact sex.

A comment was made in the discussion of the film.  It brought out a whole new layer and depth which had me reconsidering the idea of sex and racism.

We already have an understanding about the prevalence and overtness of racism through dating apps such as Grindr, Tinder and Scruff.  But I have to note that such discussions have always centred around the idea of what people are not interested in.

Such discussions rarely focus on backhanded racism or the valuing of attributes which are stereotypically assigned to race. 

Is the fetishisation of race, and the preferential views towards individuals of a specific race, considered to be racist?

It needs to be argued, that for whatever reason, we do have sexual preferences.  And these preferences shouldn’t necessarily be ignored.

For the same reason we prefer Pepsi over Coke and vice versa, we as individuals cannot escape the idea of choice and preferences.

What Do We Need to Consider?

Are the exclusionary practices that we employ when it comes to ‘preferences’ simply a form of racism?

Let’s First Discuss African American Men

And the idea of the big black cock (BBC).  A person with these traits is known as a Mandingo.  Through porn there is a prevailing idea among many communities that African American Men possess larger than average cocks.

The thing that is slightly different with the fetishisation of African American men is that there are several ideas running concurrently.

African American history, the Cuckold and power play

There are many arguments that link this back to colonial periods of a young America.  Where African American men were made to be subservient due to their physical traits.

The rapid expansion of the Early America’s meant that there were large amount of labouring work to be done.  And the continuation of the American Empire.

Slaves, for the most part, combated expensive labourers and they were considered to be stronger, more active, possess greater strength.  But did not possess a greater intelligence so making them perfect servants and hard labourers.

Interracial Couplings

This ultimately gave birth to the taboo nature of interracial couplings.  They were seen as both inferior (Intellect) and superior (Physicality) to white men.

Cuckolding

A popular  practice which sees one partner willingly sleeping with other men.  It often involves interracial ‘third wheels’ due to the idea that they have the ability to reinforce the inferiority of the cuckolded male.

In this regard, the taboo nature of interracial couplings actually work towards the fetishisation of interracial sex and relationships.

This results in interesting dynamics of a constant power play.

Colonial thinking makes the idea to be penetrated by what was once considered to be an inferior male with a larger cock, to be hot. The taboo nature of the act, combined with the idea that an individual can simultaneously be inferior and superior, is arousing.

To be fucked in such a way, is the dream of many a white male.  Who dares to imagine the idea of being split in half by a massive black dildo like phallus, where the white male wants to be conquered.

The power play is the interesting dynamic here.

Because to bottom is to be seen as passive, with the top assuming the active role.  Simultaneously, there are many white men that wish to switch this dynamic through the topping of an African American male.  To conquer and dominate as a toy.

In these examples, does the fetishisation extend to the individual.?  Or is it reductive in the idea that such a fetish exists solely around the genitals?

Defining a person’s qualities based upon their cock size

For the big black cock, it can certainly be seen as reductive.  You are reducing the sexuality, and presence, of an individual to the size of the phallus.

In an article published FS: The Gay Health and Life Magazine – Peter, an individual interviewed for the study.  He was continually asked variants of the question ‘how hung are you?’.  This was long before a potential date was asking questions about him and his personality.

In this regard, Peter was continually being reduced to nothing more than his penis.  A tool of pleasure as opposed to an individual with thoughts and feelings.

On the flip side.

It could be argued that a white male looking to dominate a male of colour is reinforcing an ingrained idea of white dominance.

So is it racist?

When you are reducing an individual to the size of their cock, based on a stereotype then you are absolutely reinforcing racism.  This is regardless of whether or not it is considered to be ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ racism.

By this token, actively seeking an individual of race might not be considered to be racist.  Actively seeking a specific race on the basis that they possess a quality or attribute which you find arousing  is reductive and ultimately racist.

From this discussion we acknowledge the idea of preferences, we also acknowledge the idea of reduction. So is it racist?

It’s a difficult question to answer.  When you’re reducing an individual to the size and colour of their cock, in the quest for a quick fuck, then yes, it’s certainly racist.

But if you have a preference for a certain race, but don’t actively exclude the possibility of others then it becomes blurry.   Justification of the preferences become the identifier for the racism.

In saying that though, anyone that’s been on Grindr or a dating app knows that there’s just about a justification for everything.

Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.Ed

Andrew Pullen

Enter Andrew Pullen’s BDSM world of Fet Lifestyle, BDSM, and expert Shibari insights. Explore his descriptive and educational articles at Adultsmart.

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