Three times this week I had to contemplate what life would be like without sex. Yes, three times. A reason why I’m in the position of sex impossible right now is because I am pregnant. My doctor told me that due to my low-lying placenta, I have to avoid sex. And anything that might irritate my cervix for the next three months.
That means I can’t use sex toys or anything. I am not allowed to even have an orgasm. Apparently, it isn’t good for my uterus to contract. Three months of this is just unthinkable.
My partner, the optimist, simply shrugged and said “Oh well, anal it is then”… Hmmph!
Is Sex Impossible?
I had whinged on about my predicament to anyone who would listen and generally felt sorry for myself. When I had a visit from a friend, we spoke about another friend of ours I hardly ever saw anymore who has Multiple Sclerosis. And is now almost wheelchair-bound. I found it hard to reconcile her present state with the girl I used to club with 15 years ago.
She doesn’t have a partner and has reconciled herself to a sexless life. I thought about all the men who come into our stores following prostate surgery desperate for solutions and products to improve their chances to resume a normal sex life.
Then coincidentally, a work colleague had just had a bit of surgery which means she has to lay off sex for a few weeks too. It got me thinking.
Is a life without sex really the end of the world?
How would you feel if you were unable to have sex anymore? And how should people cope When Sex Becomes Impossible?
Sex is a huge part of our identities. but how much of that is simply a social construct? It is the reason we are all here, of course. You could argue though, that we are simply programmed to want to orgasm to make us procreate And our brains are in effect ‘addicted’ to sex and our sexual ego.
Our brains produce the same chemicals and reactions to sex as they do to drugs.
I think what our brains really crave is intimacy and love.
You can have both of these things without sex, they are longer-lasting and far more fulfilling.
If the act of sex and orgasm is an addiction then breaking the cycle may lessen the need. That is true for lots of couples who simply stop having sex due to life’s other priorities. And then stop having it all together yet still remain in essentially happy partnerships.
Some choose celibacy.
Various faiths claim they gain huge physical and spiritual benefits from sexual abstinence. I can’t say I am personally convinced by that argument. I do think not having intercourse might improve relationships in general. Once you remove the potential for sex and both parties know it, it completely changes the dynamic.
You are forced to look beyond superficiality and appreciate the other more important things a person has to offer. Both parties can be much more relaxed.
A good example of this would be the very close friendship a lot of girls, myself included, can form with gay men.
There are lots of other ways to enjoy sexual pleasure together
That doesn’t necessarily mean intercourse. When you learn to embrace and encourage other avenues of achieving arousal that might only be mental, you can achieve even more profound levels of closeness and intimacy. There are lots of ways to bond intimately and discover each other that don’t involve sex.
Touching doesn’t always have to end in sex.
Humans have an inherent need for physical contact and that doesn’t end when we stop being babies.
Once penetration is off the table you are forced as a couple to think outside the box. You can then be much more inventive and consequently have a lot more fun.
Here are 11 ideas that can help you become intimately sexually involved with your partner.
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Massage
An obvious one. Massages are a great way to become incredibly intimate within your relationship. We even pay strangers for them. You can even give each other a genital massage where achieving an orgasm is not the goal. Try a Yoni Massage.
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Cuddling
A less obvious choice is cuddling, it is often seen as a passive comfort act. It doesn’t have to be, it can be a very sensual when practised mindfully immersing yourself in the feeling of intertwining limbs.
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Touching Sensitive Areas
Parts of the body that are often downplayed like the scalp and face, back of the knees or elbows.
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Sensation Play
You can draw on each other and experiment with feathers and fingernails.
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Bathing
And showering, washing each other’s hair together, and even the act of undressing one another slowly can promote a closeness that a penis in a vagina can’t compete with.
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Kissing
Try to remember how it was when you had your first real kiss. That probably didn’t end in sex but was probably far more memorable and wonderful. As a teenager, I could just kiss for what seemed like hours. It is often something we take for granted once sex comes into play. You can both discover the lost art of kissing.
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Read Erotic Stories
Delve into the passionate sexual tales of delight with your partner.
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Role Play
Spend time exciting each other through role-play.
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Slow Dance Together
Spend some time relearning how to be close with romantic slow dancing.
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Watch Movies Naked in Bed
Have some adventurous fun by intimately lying in bed completely naked with your partner whilst watching movies.
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Feed Each Other Decadent Desserts
Invest time in rediscovering the satisfying feelings of luxurious food like rich chocolate and strawberries.
A life without sexual intercourse, whether it is temporary or lifelong, is an opportunity to become closer than ever before. More than anything a lot of these things require openness and communication. That is the real key to any long-lasting happy intimate relationship.
Young, free and single! Being single is awesome. Yes they are the days when you thank god you are living the single life with no responsibilities or dramas to deal with each day. But deep down everyone wants that partner to spend there time with. There is just some things in life that being single limits you to or just isn’t quite the same without that another half.
Sex was always one of my main problems with being single. I had mentally drilled into myself that sex was about two or more people. And only having a partner was the only way I could have they types of pleasures especially in that department.
How Wrong I Was About The Single Life
Yes you do miss out on the little things like the cuddles, the kisses and the holding hands down the road with them by your side.
But i have now been single for around 6 months. For me instead of feeling sorry for myself and going out on the hunt for mister right I have used this time to discover and explore myself with my hands. Or even what sex toys that I can use to satisfy myself solo.
I feel its my time for being selfish and figure out how to pleasure myself
Before i can allow someone else to join in. A lot of people I have found recently have this fear of actually exploring there own bodies.
Its like they feel a shamed or guilty for being able to make yourself achieve an orgasm. Problem is if they could just shake off that feeling and come out there comfort zones they would realize how empowering and exciting it can be.
There is no better feeling of release when you can finally give yourself your first orgasm its such an explosion of satisfaction.
Don’t get me wrong for some people especially women it can take a lot of practice. Figuring out what area or areas can give you an orgasm and ejaculate.
How can you make your other half make you reach your climax if you yourself are unsure how to?
Its all about failing and learning. Not everyone is the same. So this is why its important on figuring out what works best for you and don’t be to hard on yourself if you don’t find it start away.
Another problem that came up for listening around were couples in a relationship not being open with each other. Or wanting to hurt there other half feelings by explaining to one another on what works for them in the bedroom.
Sex together should always be about trust, honesty and feeling comfortable enough to open up.
Did you know that 60% of women don’t climax during sex. Most will cover this up by not speaking up about what pleasures them or they just do the simple thing of faking an orgasm hoping this pleases there partners.
This sadly can lead to a boring and unsatisfying sex life and lets be serious no one ever wants that.
Maybe sit down one night and speak about what each others willing to try and also what limits they are. Having limits is never a bad thing it just gives you a boundary and this will also add to the trust between one another.
Going to a sex shop and finding out information was a massive help for me.
It also opened my eyes up to being able to masturbate solo and also how the toys could be changed into a couples sex toy later down the track.
Doing a bit of research online also opened my eyes up to what type of styles could work for me and my body. It also showed me that am not alone with certain problems i thought i having but was actually a very common problem.
Sex Toys for Everyone!!
Most women experience orgasm through stimulating their clitorises rather than penetrating their vaginas. Its harder for a women’s g spot to played with while sex so most women prefer having oral sex.
With males it can be a lot easier to orgasm through both intercourse and oral. But what some don’t actually know is that a man’s g spot (or also called p spot) is up there anus at there prostate. Problem with this especially with heterosexual men that they get so put of the idea due to feeling a bit gay, which in my eyes is a horrible way to look at it.
Studies have shown that prostate stimulation can make a male orgasm up to 33% more intense, which means a lot of you are missing out. Another amazing fact about stimulating your prostate is that it can reduce the risk of prostate cancer.
So tell me what’s gay about that!!
It is time for everyone to start exploring solo or with a partner
Stop being so afraid of trying new things. It’s time to see what new adventures you can figure out about you or your partner’s bodies that you never knew could be possible.
Find the ultimate collection of sex toys for singles at the adult lifestyle center adult shops.
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