As most of you know, I’m an active member of the BDSM community. I identify as a submissive masochist aka sub/masochist but I’m always evolving.
Being so open about my kink world and talking to friends about it, I find that most folks think that people in this lifestyle are strange, weird, crazy and just plain scary.
Well that’s very far from the truth.
Safe, Sane & Consensual
The most important rules in this lifestyle are Safe, Sane and Consensual. Respect and trust are critical.
You wouldn’t want to be tied down by someone holding a flogger, a knife, or any other painful implement when you don’t trust them. Respect people’s boundaries.
Once trust has been established, you play safely and you literally place your life in someone’s hands. There is a big difference between consensual ‘hurt’ and physical, mental, or emotional ‘harm’.
Aftercare is extremely important.
It happens after play……after all the intensity is over. That is the time when you need cuddles, maybe a soft gentle stroking of your sore body, a warm throw blanket to be wrapped in.
A time when you re-connect with your partner.
Without aftercare, it is simply a twisted form of abuse, even if it is consensual to begin with.
Reputation within the community is very important, so those true to the lifestyle follow the rules. If a member has behaved badly, word gets around.
Following protocol is essential.
I often get the question “What is it you enjoy about Being A Submissive Masochist?”
Having thought about this many times and although I know that that’s all I ever wanted to be, I could never, till now come up with a proper answer. Well that could be understood by those who aren’t in the scene, or that would satisfy others’ curiosity.
You see, every person has their baggage.
That internal pain that is always buried deep inside us. A kind of pain that we don’t like showing to the world because we are “strong”. Pain that floats about in our head as we walk around.
A kind of pain that enters our mind as we try to sleep and keeps us awake at night. The “why me” question that creeps in and makes us feel helpless at times.
What does Being A Submissive Masochist make me feel?
When standing or kneeling in front of my Sir/Sadist, I feel like he lifts all that pain in my soul.
I feel like He is reaching deep inside my heart and removing the not so pleasant dark areas I feel at times.
Dark parts in the depths of my soul, emotions that have been purposefully buried so deep for so long. Because I’ve been too afraid to let them out. Too afraid to even think of them, yet not dealing with them means they eat away at me slowly, day in and day out.
I love the power he has over me.
He is able to even have that kind of power over me, in fact, is phenomenal. But he might not be fully aware of how great an affect He has on me. The dominance, the fear of the unknown and the very strong urge to please Him.
An incredible yearning to serve His every need.
A final rush of adrenaline, the primal fear and pain being heightened to the point that I enter a trance like high – ‘subspace’.
As every strike stings my body, I forget about all the internal pain
All the thoughts, all the “why me’s” and all the things buried deep in my soul that have caused me pain. It distracts me, and the whole world disappears with all its problems.
The only thing that exists is the submission which I feel so strongly, the sweet sting on my bare body and the powerful eyes and voice of my Sir/Sadist. A need to serve completely consumes my mind.
Once the mind enters that state, there is no place safer. There is no place more relaxing to be in, and there is no place I’d rather be than in submission.
It’s not about the sex
This is very different to a sexual experience. It’s about the power of the mind. Being able to control your mind and pushing certain boundaries. And it’s about focusing on your weaknesses and strengthening your mind to face your fears and insecurities.
Trust and respect.
There is no greater feeling than literally placing your life at the fingertips of your Sir/Sadist, and knowing you are in the safest spot in the whole world!!
Knowing that he is orchestrating while you relax in your safe spot.
I have been very fortunate to be experiencing this journey
And I appreciate this lifestyle with all its ‘weird and crazy’ (to those that don’t know) protocols. I have been blown away by the respect, tenderness, and acceptance of those that I have met along the way.
But I can’t speak for others as I have found some real healing, and been able to deal with some of my demons simply by choosing to push these boundaries.
I have grown in ways I never would have imagined and I love being a Submissive masochist.
About the Author: Sofie is a consultant at Adult Lifestyle Centres
Dominant by Day, Submissive by Night: A Personal Story
When it comes to finding yourself, there’s no guide book.
My parents didn’t sit me down and talk to me about reading self-help books or suggested I go on one of those trips to India where you live in the mountains for a year in complete silence.
I happened to stumble upon myself while having sex.
Yeah, that’s right.
Though I haven’t gone around the world in 80 days or saved turtles in Hawaii, I was able to find who I was in a slightly unconventional way.
I didn’t think sub dom dating would help me understand who I am, but then again, I’m no genius.
Turning 25, and I was at my peak. I graduated from university at the top of my class with a business degree. Known as the “go-getter” type of guy, and was swiping through Tinder like it was toilet paper.
I had no problems as I was an alpha male. Well, I still am an alpha male, but with a twist.
My twist came after I met Julie.
Usually, when I’m on a dating app, I’m not looking too deeply into women’s profiles. I scan their photo, decide whether or not I’m into them, and then swipe.
But then I landed on her, Julie. She wasn’t my type, but she was calling for me, luring me into her. Though I was reluctant to swipe right, I did. I couldn’t figure out why I was nervous
It’s a dating app. You’re not signing up for marriage. Looking back, I was scared because she didn’t look like the rest of the girls I dated
She looked like she would show me something new.
Well, my intuition was right.
After flirting with Julie online, we decided to meet up for drinks.
I knew what “drinks” meant. Everyone knows what “drinks” mean. But over drinks, she asked me a question I wasn’t prepared for. “So,” she said as she took a sip from her mojito, “have you ever been fucked by a woman?”
I nearly spat out my beer, “What? Are you serious? Hell no.”
She laughed, “No need to get defensive, I’m just asking.” I was offended as I was as alpha as they come, and she thinks I let women fuck me?
We sat in silence for a couple of moments
“I know you think you’re this manly man, but you’re not. You have a submissive side; you’re just hiding it.”
I was shocked, but at the same time relieved. As I didn’t realize it at the time, but a part of me was happy to hear it, I wanted to be told this.
I chugged the last of my beer, “Alright. You think I’m submissive? Who’s place are we going to? Yours or mine?” She looked at me with a mischievous smile, “Mine.”
We walked to her place
She told me to sit on the couch as she went into her bedroom.
I thought she was cleaning the clothes from her bedroom floor, but instead, she came out in a latex outfit and a whip in one hand.
“The safe word is red. The second you say this word, we stop everything, understand?”
I nodded in shock, “Uh, yeah, uh, I understand.”
“Good. Now take off your clothes.”
I nervously removed my socks as she yelled, “Faster!”
In a minute, I was completely naked.
“Get on your knees,” she said as she walked in a circle around me. “Now listen to me carefully. If you don’t follow my instructions, I’m going to punish you. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“What’s the safe word?”
Nervously, I stuttered. “Uh, it’s ora–”
Her whip in her hand lands on my right ass cheek, releasing a small stinging pain, “Red! It’s red!”
“Good boy. Yes, the safe word is red. Now, we can start.”
The stinging feeling on my cheek faded quickly, but the sense of release stayed.
I didn’t need to be the alpha male and impress the people around me. During this session, someone else was in control, worrying about the little things. She whipped me, spanked me
I did everything she said and I could show the side of me that no one sees; the submissive side, the softer side.
Once the session finished, we sat down at her kitchen table and talked about it.
“That, that was amazing,” I said. “I felt so relaxed and out of control.”
“I told you, you have a submissive side. You just needed someone to bring it out of you. No one can be the ‘strong alpha male’ all the time.”
I nodded, “So…can we do this again?”
She laughed, “When are you free?”
Since then, I’ve had a couple of other dommes, but Julie was the first one who brought out the submissive side in me.
If I didn’t go on that date with her, who knows the person I would be and how I’d be trying to find myself.
What does it mean Being A Disobedient Submissive?
I am sometimes sassy and I giggle, I like to push the boundaries but in the end I do as I’m told. I grumble when you ask me to do things but I do them anyway, with always a hint of sass made in the way of a comment or eye gaze. But the punishment is so much sweeter an intoxicating rush runs through my body when you grab a hold of me, when you object to my behaviour I melt, the authority you have over me makes me feel aroused and secure.
You’re not gentle when you smack me it makes me wet, it’s not the pain, it’s the authority and it’s the presence you make on me. Sometimes I want danger and unpredictability, sometimes I want to get out of my own head and do the wrong thing, sometimes I don’t want to be so planned and organised. There really is an art to negotiating dominance and power play fucking.
Being A Disobedient Submissive
I desire to feel like your princess, yet I also crave the thrill of your touch in the dark, never knowing your next move. Loving to submit without fully embracing submission is perplexing; pushing boundaries and tempting fate, only to comply, is exhilarating. I’m not inherently mischievous, but for a fleeting moment, a surge of adrenaline makes me so.
Occasionally, when I gaze at you, I yearn to envelop you entirely, to seize control, to possess you utterly. I long to strip you of power, to witness your surrender. I aspire to merge seamlessly with you, to feel your grip on my hips as you thrust into me, losing myself in the sensation, every sound, every tingle.
The desire to submit is strong, yet relinquishing that power is daunting. Perhaps it’s a matter of trust? Maybe I’m holding back? Maintaining control over myself feels essential, yet I struggle to do so while surrendering to you. Understanding that every objection, every hint of defiance, will lead to consequences, in whatever form they may take.
Maybe it’s fear as well, what If I don’t like what is happening?
But in the end isn’t the submissive the dominate one? Isn’t it in the end the submissive the one who is actually in control allowing the acts to happen, and controlling the outcome?
The feeling of your hands holding my hips so tight, reminds me you own me, For me to be yours. I want you to not be gentle, ravage me; and for you to take me, because you deserve me. Free me from my mental restraints.
I don’t want to be in control andwant you to fight me for that power. To feel the release of satisfaction.
The sexual power of submission, leading and following
One of the most powerful things you hold is your power to submit, most people have psychological blocks. Bing powerful enough to release those and become submissive is something else. Submissive is seen as a negative, the feeling of losing while being dominant is winning.
But being submissive is so much more it is virtuous and highly desirable.
It is like a dance with “leading” and “following”. Learning to follow is hard, and it is something that requires a lot of attention and focus. This is the same with sexual submission, being submissive is not star fishing on the bed; it is actively receiving and enjoying.
We are wired with many primal switches that are triggered around being dominated. They are delicious and arousing when you are using your erotic brain. Submissiveness can bring with it a cocktail of emotions, these emotions range from being in pure awe and appreciation on the sweet side, to fear and humiliation.
It is an exchange of energies that spiral upwards in grander and more superior erotic turn-ons.
Morgan x
Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
The Intricacies of Submissiveness: Human Psychology
The world of human relationships is a complex labyrinth of emotions, desires, and power dynamics. One such intriguing aspect is the psychology of submissive behavior. What are the intricacies of submissive behavior, its implications, and the profound impact it has on interpersonal relationships.
Unraveling the Concept of Submissiveness
Submissiveness, at its core, is a behavioral trait characterized by a willingness to yield to others. It manifests in different forms, from showing respect to authority figures to signaling appeasement in order to avoid conflict. Submissive behavior is not merely about acquiescence or deference but also about personal choice, trust, and emotional resilience.
Submissiveness: A Sign of Strength or Weakness?
Stereotypically, submissive behavior is associated with weakness or a lack of confidence. The truth, however, is far more nuanced. Submissiveness is not necessarily synonymous with a lack of strength or self-assuredness. In fact, many submissive individuals demonstrate considerable emotional resilience and inner confidence. This underlies the fact that submissiveness is more about personal preference, rooted in one’s sexuality and personality.
The Underlying Psychology Behind Submissive Behavior
The psychology behind submissive behavior is multi-faceted. It could be driven by a desire for emotional connection, a need to relinquish control, or an intrinsic pleasure in being dominated. A considerable percentage of individuals who identify as submissive believe that their submissive tendencies are intrinsic and have always derived pleasure from specific types of pain.
Dominant Vs. Submissive: Understanding the Dichotomy
Dominant individuals are generally assertive, confident, and analytical. They like to be in control and often take charge of situations. On the other hand, submissive individuals are typically more introverted and prefer to follow rather than lead. They often defer to others in decision-making situations. There are also individuals who identify as switches, enjoying both dominant and submissive roles, demonstrating the fluidity of these behavioral traits.
The Role of Submissiveness in Relationships
In relationships, submissiveness can serve as a foundation for building trust and intimacy and strengthening bonds between partners. Submissive behavior can also be a form of communication, promoting open and honest dialogue between individuals. By understanding and accepting one’s submissive desires. Partners can explore their sexuality safely and consensually, thereby boosting self-esteem.
Submissiveness and Reproductive Success
Interestingly, research suggests that hierarchically disparate couples, with one dominant and one submissive partner, might have higher reproductive success. Evolutionarily, this is a significant advantage as such couples tend to have more offspring than those where both partners are of equal rank.
Emotional Benefits of Submissive Behavior
Submissiveness brings about several emotional benefits. Some individuals find security and satisfaction in being the dominant partner in a relationship. This could stem from their upbringing, past experiences, or an intrinsic comfort with being in control. Having a partner who willingly surrenders power and provides strong support can make the dominant individual feel more confident and valued.
Submissiveness and BDSM
Submissive behavior often finds a place in the world of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism). A substantial minority of both men and women fantasize about or engage in BDSM, which often involves role reversal and power dynamics. Submissive individuals may be appealing to those who enjoy taking charge, especially in the bedroom.
Openness and Vulnerability: Key Facets of Submissive Behavior
Submissiveness is often linked to openness and vulnerability. Women who appreciate openness and clear communication might be drawn to submissive men as these individuals. They are more likely to be transparent about their thoughts, feelings, and desires.
Submissiveness: A Path to Personal Growth and Self-Discovery
In many spiritual traditions, submission is seen as a pathway to personal growth and self-discovery. By surrendering to a higher power or authority figure, individuals create space for wisdom and guidance. Cultivating a deeper connection with their inner self and spiritual beliefs.
Submissiveness: A Personal Choice
Submissiveness is a complex behavioral trait deeply ingrained in human psychology. It is a personal choice that should be respected and understood. By honoring the needs and desires of others, we not only strengthen our relationships. this also add a sense of meaning and purpose to our own lives. So the next time you encounter someone who appears to be submissive, remember that their behavior is much more than meets the eye.
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