Over the last couple of months I have been helping a friend get over a break up. It has been incredibly frustrating and draining. He is in his fifties. He seems to be feeling things with the intensity and drama of a teenager being dumped.
My advice has frequently fallen on deaf ears and at times it felt like he was going to drown in his own self-pity. He has just recently started to come around. A tiny bit maybe. He also often repeats some of the advice I gave him as his own new take on the situation. So perhaps he was listening to me after all.
This situation has literally taken up hours of my life I will never get back. It is always easier to give advice than take it.
Going through a break up – Being Dumped
This is a time in life when it isn’t easy to have listening ears on. It got me thinking about how I would handle a situation like that in the future. And what might be a good way to speed up the horrific process of getting over being dumped.
I believe the sooner you start taking action the better. Fact you have no control over what has happened can feel unbearable. It’s similar to being locked up in jail. It is hard for any human to deal with the fact that we can’t change a situation. If we feel like we are losing control over the thing in life we value most it makes it almost impossible to compute.
A person made a personal decision for you which you didn’t want.
Anger and resentment you feel towards the person who is doing this to you is immense. It brings an awful intense self-reflection about what it could be about you. And who you are that made this happen. Initial feelings when someone you love finally breaks it off are often completely debilitating.
There is actually only one thing that needs to happen in order to move on. But it happens to be the opposite of what you feel, and that is acceptance.
Until you really believe in your soul that the relationship is over. That there is nothing you can do to change it, you won’t be able to be happy.
It isn’t all doom and gloom though.
I do think there are ways to get to the acceptance stage a bit less painfully and maybe even slightly sooner. When you initially process what has happened don’t sit going over the information for hours, days or months. Although that might be what you feel like doing.
Trust me, no good will come from sharing time with the angry, mad and sad person that is living in your head right now.
First thing you need to do is tell someone about it and get some serious crying done. Especially if you have been recently dumped, this will be great. Receiving feedback from someone, will allow you to see things from another perspective as soon as possible. Playing down your feelings and keeping them to yourself is a big mistake.
So tell someone straight away and have a good old wail.
My friend only really confided solely in me and I think that was his first mistake. I got bored and he just went round in circles. In future, I will be advising my friends to hold a real life ‘Pity Party’.
Hold a Pity Party
A party for all of your friends where you tell everyone what’s happened and let it all out. During this Pity Party, get rid of all the personal things you have that remind you of your ex.
You could symbolically burn them. I am a bit of a hoarder and find it really hard to get rid of things I think I might want to revisit years down the line. If you really can’t throw away the things you valued within a relationship. You can get rid of them by giving everything to a friend. Ban them from giving it back to you until they think you are ready if you can bare to.
While you are symbolically getting rid of everything why not play any songs that you both had “together”. Have a laugh and a cry about them.
When you are doing all these things around friends, the sentimental aspect is going to be a killer over the next weeks or months.
Sentimental aspect will begin to lose power.
There are so many benefits to these actions. By having a pity party, you will tell everyone who is important to you all in the one go.
This means you won’t have to keep re-telling the tale and as a consequence keep re-living your painful feelings. Since you have so many important people supporting you. You will feel loved at a time when you are probably going to be feeling very insecure.
Did you know the character traits you look for and admire most in a partner are usually ones that you possess a little of yourself. But wish you had more of. You can use this as an opportunity to think about what you will miss most. And work on developing those aspects in yourself.
Funnily enough, the things we fall for are also often what end up annoying us the most.
Maybe ask your friends at your ‘pity party’ what ugly traits they thought your partner had. You need to get the rose tinted version of him out of your mind and look realistically about why it might not have worked.
It is always good to write stuff down.
Writing a list of all the things you are angry and upset about can be cathartic. A list is better than journaling as it takes the emotion out and leaves the facts. What can be really helpful is looking at the list and wondering what each thing is about you.
You need to get out of emotional victim brain, the brain that wallows in what has been done to you. Get into the logic brain and think about how you can work all this to your advantage.
A hard thing to do is to avoid all the people, places and things that remind you of your ex. It is a mistake to talk with mutual friends too much because they won’t want to take sides. They may not give you the reassurances you want so don’t put yourself in that position.
So now you have done a bit of crying and self-examination
Next thing on the list is to have fun. I don’t mean get straight back out there dating, although that may work for some. I think a vacation is the best tonic of all. A complete change of scene, go somewhere distracting.
Have fun, be adventurous and get out of your comfort zone.
If you are the type of person that wants revenge, just remember the best revenge is being happy, successful and sex toys help to. It isn’t the end it’s the start of a new adventure.
That’s One Powerful Bunnii!
I have been lucky enough to have been gifted the NU Sensuelle Bunnii Rabbit Vibrator to review. After doing some “personal” homework, I thought I would share my newly informed views with you. As I do love a cute sex toy with a cute name.
One of the company founders was a fashion designer. So no wonder it’s a cute and clever design. I found out the company actually started in Australia. It’s nice to see Aussie designers competing so well with the international bigwigs.
NU Sensuelle products are made in China with exceptional quality.
Often impressed by Nu Sensuelle sex toys, particularly their vibrating nusensuelle cockring and remote bullets. Their recent panty vibrator is particularly awesome. I knew that a lot of my customer’s reeeally love the NU Sensuelle Point too.
This sex toy I received is in “Tiffany Blue” which is a pretty aqua colour. It is small enough to not take up much room in a drawer or a travel bag. After I got this sex toy home I have to admit I waited a day or two to try it. As my favourite sex toys aren’t actually vibrators but I was still very curious to try it out.
It came with some charge already so I didn’t bother to charge it up first.
Though, I probably should have because in the name of “thorough use“. I used it several times before I committed my thoughts to paper. NU Sensuelle Bunnii Rabbit Vibrator worked fast so the sessions weren’t terribly long.
It did die on me in the middle of the third use. Lesson learned, always recharge your sex toys!! Runtime on this baby is only one hour with a whopping four hours charge time, so it loses some points for me on that front.
Although, I believe the recharge time is long because it’s super powerful.
Recharging Dock
Fortunately, the NU Sensuelle Bunnii has a thoughtfully made recharging dock. Recharging points are found on the bottom of the sex toy which is two little, silver magnets.
These magnets connect to two other little magnets on the USB recharging cord. Since my computer isn’t accessible right now I recharged it with my phone recharger adapter plugged into a wall socket. Which is convenient for me. I’m glad it’s a USB recharger so there is versatility.
Some of the older adult toys I have need to be plugged into a wall socket, it seems pretty Stone Age to me these days.
Turning the sex toy on was easy
Just a long-press on the bottom of the sex toy gets it going and lets me tell you there is no subtlety with this baby. You turn it on and it’s a raging bull, not a soft adorable bunny.
There are 20 functions and that is cool if you like a lot of variety. I think sex toys like that can be good value for money. Because many of us like to change up the way we masturbate frequently.
Especially if you are going for multiple orgasms, many women find that taking an entirely different approach after the first one is the only way to get there. I read this recently and it certainly rang true for me.
Side Note
I’m pretty sure this is one of the techniques talked about on the OMG Yes website. A site dedicated to the female orgasm which was made famous recently by Harry Potter alumni, feminist, ethical fashion proponent and all round cool girl Emma Watson.
Side note – this site seems amazing. But it costs nearly $40 to sign up and although I will eventually, probably, succumb to temptation and join up. Thus far I keep having that “you can pry that $40 from my cold dead hands!” knee-jerk reaction I have whenever websites want me to hand over much cash.
Other than that it’s powerful and rechargeable.
NU Sensuelle Bunnii Rabbit Vibrator
Silicone coated with a smooth and silky finish. There is very little drag to it and certainly has no squish to it. Aside from the ears, it is a fairly hard toy, the size of a large bullet vibrator which is about 12 cm in total length.
It is waterproof. So if you like bathroom play it may be a good option for you. It comes with a nice satin little bag to keep it clean and separated from other toys in your drawer. This is important with silicone sex toys because their surfaces can become damaged from resting against each other.
It has a year-long warranty.
So even if it succumbs to a recharging issue, which I’ve heard can happen with the NU Sensuelle Point. You can get it fixed or replaced within that time frame.
I’ve found that sometimes the magnetic charging points just need a really good clean if a toy has issues after a few months. Even though you may be cleaning the toy regularly. It’s probably a kind of chemical residue build up that you just need to deal with every now and again.
Anyway, a polish with a soft, clean, lint free cloth has often saved a toy thought to be in need of repair.
So down to the nitty gritty is this toy good to masturbate with?
Part of me wants to say “Hell, yes!” I love the little soft ears. Frankly, not only the power but the quality of the vibrations would be too jarring without them. It’s not exactly buzzy. Doesn’t have the deep lovely rumbles of some other sex toys either.
It made me come pretty quickly (Sorry, I dislike the ‘cum’ spelling, especially when referring to women lol). First and second times I used it, though the vibration were so intense it actually made me distracted and it was uncomfortable for my hand on the second use.
Third time round, as I said, it died. But it was already not quite as effective as my clit had become a bit desensitised and it was hard to get in the zone.
After I recharged it, I gave myself a break for a day.
I valiantly persevered (I know, testing sex toys is such a trial!). But found that my clitoris was still a bit over it.
I would like the use of this sex toy to fucking really rough and hard. It’s fucking fantastic. But you might spend a few days recuperating. At least for me, it’s not what you crave every time you masturbate.
After a few days rest I used it again and liked it.
But I could not use this sex toy every day.
No hecking way! Clit says no. Jelly-hand says no.
If you are an avowed power queen this sex toy is probably for you. If, like me, you enjoy a powerful sex toy, but have a sensitive body you may find this toy a nice addition to your collection. But I would not recommend it as your first or only toy.
For me, it’s staying in my collection. Because every once in a while it will be a fan-frickin-tastic. But it is unlikely to ever be my go-to, and I might have to take to wearing padded gloves to hold it…
Jennifer is a marketer at Adultsmart! Embracing a non-judgmental stance, she believes in pleasure without limits—if it feels good and right, why not?
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