Are You A CRYMaxer?

I once was having sex against a wall, this was not love making this was hard and rough sex. I wasn’t even facing the person. Afterwards, I pulled up my underwear and next thing I felt a wave of sadness flood my body and I became hysterical. He asked me if I had been hurt during sex, I couldn’t even pull myself together to answer him. I simply shook my head and sobbed.

This was had never happened to me before, I have never cried during or after sex. There was that one time I sustained a really bad sex injury and cried. However, this was different, I wasn’t hurt. I wasn’t sad before we started having sex, why was I crying? I assure you, it was nothing he had done, and he actually made me cum really hard. This morning on Facebook I read an opinion piece on after sex criers and I was compelled to start researching this further.

Before starting this blog, I asked some of my co-workers if they had ever cried after sex and I was shocked to find out that many of them said yes. Some were frequent criers after sex.

Some sex sessions are so good they make people cry due to the rush of oxytocin that floods the brain causing happy tears. There is a lot going on in your brain during an orgasm, it’s hard to pinpoint the exact reason you may start crying after sex. It could be that your tense muscles are now relaxing, your heart rate has dramatically decreased, your breathing has slowed, and you’re being flooded with chemicals. However, researchers have discovered the phenomenon “post-coital dysphoria.” It can involve bursting into tears or just feeling depressed or anxious after sex. Approximately 45% of young women have experienced PCD, which is a lot of women crying after sex. The research team also surveyed more than 1,200 men with an online questionnaire and found that almost as many men (41%) have experienced PCD at some point.

What causes PCD and how to prevent crymaxing!

Sex is an emotional act, even if you don’t have an emotional connection to the person you’re fucking. Sex makes you vulnerable, you’re stripped back, raw, exposed, you’re not in control for that period of time. This is bound to unbalance your emotions, even for a short period of time. Emotions are often exacerbated by stress if you’re trying to avoid crying after sex try lowering your stress levels in your life.

Unsettling feelings towards the person you’re having sex with may also cause tears. This, unfortunately, is truer in women than it is in men as women release high levels of oxytocin, the cuddle chemical. This chemical facilitates feelings of attachment and bonding which can be highly problematic for those seeking casual hook-ups. If you’re experiencing PCD while in a long-term relationship it may be highlighting your unhappiness towards your significant other or the sadness in the relationship. Either way, your tears are suggestive that you’re not feeling secure in your situation. If you have a partner or FWB you should definitely be talking with them about your feelings as they may be able to provide you with the comfort that you’re looking for.

Alternatively, sometimes you may be feeling so in love, so close to someone that you’re unable to process these feelings. You’ve maybe fallen in love and never said the words before and yet felt so close to saying it mid-sex. Crying may also be indicative that you’ve moved on too quickly and you’re missing or longing for someone who isn’t the person you’re having sex with.

Simple exhaustion may also aggravate your emotional state, make sure you’re getting enough rest prior sex if you’re trying to avoid the after sex blues. PCD has a much darker side and may also relate back to past trauma. Survivors of sexual assault, for instance, might feel very emotional if the sexual experience reminded them of being assaulted. In the study, PCD among men was linked to childhood sexual abuse and psychological distress. People who base their self-worth on how their partner feels about them are more likely to feel weepy or depressed after sex if their partner doesn’t treat them with the closeness they were hoping for.

Let me make this very clear, there is only so much that you can do to control your PCD. For the most part, there is not a lot wrong with crying after sex and you shouldn’t be ashamed. However, if you think that it’s impacting your life negatively, perhaps a trip to the GP for a referral to a counsellor to work through some of your underlying issues. You may be crying for an underlying reason you’re not even aware of.

Remember, if someone cries after sex, don’t become angry. Be understanding and be a shoulder to lean on, they were fighting a battle you’re not aware of. Be kind to each other and happy sexing.