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Hi Oz,

I’ve been with my partner for over a year now, but I don’t like going down on him. I find it hurts the back of my throat. I would probably just give up all together, but he’s so good at going down on me I really want to return the favour. Can you offer any suggestions? – BM

Hi BM,

Thanks for your email. It’s a good question, with a range of possible solutions, and you’re not the only one to experience this. I had a young lady in the adult shop I work at show me the bruises at the back of her throat. It looked like a hickey!!!

The simplest, yet not necessarily the easiest solution, is to talk to him directly about it. This can be tricky, or even feel a little awkward at the time, but the best thing for a relationship is an open channel of communication. Just as you might ask for something harder or softer during playtime, talking about what you do and don’t like is as important, though trickier, when discussed outside of the bedroom.

Alternatively, you could try using a throat numbing spray. Comfortably Numb is a good place to start with both sprays or mints, although Sensuva Deeply Love You have some seriously good flavours, like Butter Rum, Salted Caramel and Chocolate Coconut to name a few. They also have throat coating cream, Lic-olicious, with flavours like Blueberry Muffin, Mocha Cappuccino and Cinnabun. While this help the bruising my other customer experienced, it should remove the pain, or ease it at least.

Another option is to use a toy to simulate the sensation of deep-throating. One of the most popular toys for this at the moment is also super cheap, which is a masturbator sleeve, also known as an egg beater (as it is typically packaged like an egg). Almost all of these are a closed unit, with only one entry point, but as many customers have told me, they simply cut the end off one of these sleeves to have an open-ended toy. They then use this to work the base of the shaft while giving head, but they barely need to get more than the head of the penis into their mouths as the stroker does the rest of the work for them.

For something that will really take the arm-work out of using a stroker, look towards a Fun Factory Manta. This rechargeable, vibrating stroker differs from many others with its ‘open-wing’ style design that allows for a lot of versatility. This silicone toy has an easy-to- hold ring at the base and a good range of vibration speeds and settings. Besides using the Manta on his shaft during oral sex, the two of you can also use it to tease all your erogenous zones.

So that’s the regular options to your issue, however there is an undertone to your email which concerns me. Firstly, there is no requirement to do anything simply because you feel obliged to. If he wants to go down on you, great, if you don’t want to go down on him, just as fine. Sex should always be about pleasure.

In saying that, it sounds obvious in your email that while you are not keen on deep throating, your partner gives a ‘helping hand’ to get you to go deeper. If the earlier advice of talking things through and getting him to not force himself so hard down your throat, then there is another option for you. Pick yourself up a King Cock 8” dildo, and force it into your partner’s throat. See how much he likes it.

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