Valentines for the Singles

Alright, so we all know that Valentines Day is definitely aimed at all the couples out there.  While I find it great that you guys have love. I’m writing this blog for the people like me who will be spending another February 14^th  alone and without a lover.  Why shouldn’t we have Valentines for the singles?

You guys may be thinking to yourself, “But being alone makes it just another day, since there’s no love happening”… WRONG. We’re forgetting a very important kind of love. Self love.

I don’t care if you’re single, February 14^th is a day to shower yourself with treats in any way you see fit and then show yourself some love. Here’s some of the stuff I’ll be doing on Valentines day to show myself that I’m important.

Valentines for the Singles – Self Love Ideas

Take a Bath

Okay, so I don’t know about you guys but something about a candle lit bath hits different. I have 3 kinds of bath salts, bath bombs, and of course some bubble bath.  I’ll be leaving work and going straight home to soak. While I’m in the bath I usually read a book, play some music, and just decompress after the day.

Nothing says self care and self love like the softest and best smelling skin you’ve ever had.

Order Your Favourite Meal

You can go whatever way you feel suits with this one, I like to get the unhealthiest food known to man *as a treat*.  But if you feel healthy food is what makes you feel happiest and most loved you do that…

Whatever fills the aching void of being alone while everyone else throws their happiness in your face… I mean, whatever feels like self care. If you’re really feeling frisky you can even eat the meal in the bath, why not!

Put on Your Favourite Show or Movie

Get in something comfy, or sexy, and just sit back in bed or on the couch and watch something that makes you happy.  This night is all about you and your wants.

You may as well have the company of all of your favourite characters on screen.  That way there’s background noise while you swipe through all your dating apps telling a multitude of people how your day was… Oh that’s just me? Okay.

Self Love

We all know what I’m about to say, one word, 4 syllables… MASTURBATION. Get your sex toys out, get the lube out, get comfy and go to town.

Because there’s nothing better than giving yourself an old fashioned orgasm on Valentines day, I don’t care what you use, but trust me when I say a Womanizer Premium is what will do you the best. Stick it on autopilot, lay back and just enjoy the ride.

If you want a quick 2 minute session before you go to bed just stick to the regular settings, but the autopilot is a game changer.  Whatever way you do it, just spend some time with your body and really have a good time.

Random Hookup

Look, Valentines doesn’t have to be about self love for us singles.  You can go out and get some random sex if that’s what’s going to make you feel good on the inside

If I wasn’t working you bet I’d be going out on Valentines and finding someone. But hey, we all have what we like.

Get some sexy ass lingerie on under your outfit.

This goes for the men too if you’re into that), and head out feeling and looking your best and then go find yourself a sexual partner. Just remember consent is absolutely key.  While it’s fun to chase remember that there are boundaries and if the person doesn’t look interested or says no that you have to respect that

It’s all fun and games and as long as there is consent!  Whether it’s from the best dating apps, or you actually go out to socialise and find someone who’s after the same thing as you, whatever works. Get that sexual encounter you absolute beast.

At the end of the day you do what feels right to you

You don’t need to have a lover to be able to celebrate Valentines day and you don’t need to have a person next to you to tell you that you’re loved.  You’re special and you can treat yourself the same way a partner would be able to do.

All you need to do is think of what you would ideally like a partner to do for you on Valentines day.  What valentines gifts would you buy? Because you are the most important person in your life, you put up with yourself all day everyday and you carry yourself around so why not treat yourself to such a nice night?

Enjoy it, you won’t always be able to  plan out the entire night to the exact way you would like.

The Truth About Valentines Day!

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.  While many people prepare lavish gifts and nights out with their loved one, there are those of us that dread this day. It can already be hard enough to see couples out when you pick up your morning coffee.  But for some reason, it seems that much harder on Valentine’s Day.

Films and fairy tales have a lot to answer for.

They wrote the rules for love stories, and propagated these myths with mass consumption. Yet rarely are real lives as clean cut as the background-poor caricatures forever thrust upon us. A story resonates with us on deeper levels because it is designed to pass on a message of survival.

An experience shared to help us better know how to navigate our own lives without, hopefully, the pain of going through such times ourselves.

‘Don’t eat at that place, my friend Leslie had a whole glass of red wine tipped over her by the incompetent waitress, all over that new dress she bought just for that first date!’

Sure, not exactly a life and death story. But our need for actual survival stories has greatly diminished through the ages. I believe that where we need the most help, the most guidance, is in matters of the heart.

And mainstream stories just aren’t cutting it.

Life and love are messy.

We’ve all met lovers, and we’ve lost most of them through a vast array of reasons. Sometimes we reflect on where it all went wrong.  What we could have done different?  If it was something we could have changed in ourselves, or adapted to, or if it was purely in the hands of the other?

At which time, we might ask ourselves why weren’t we more aware of their shortcomings to begin with.

Dating, as I’m often told, is a long process.

There might be a few dates before the first kiss, numerous more until the first night shared together. It can progress through lovely outings, bushwalks, restaurants and cafes.  And a plethora of other activities designed to wear your purse and free time thin.

This blossoming relationship might then move to more intimate settings, a perfectly home cooked meal presented with matched wines.  Sat across from one another on a candle lit table as the alcohol eases your defences and helps the bond to grow between you.

You Move In Together

Eventually, maybe a year later, and months of discussion first, you move in together. You into their place, they into yours, or a whole fresh start somewhere new.

And perhaps this is where those first signs of being mismatched reveal themselves. This is when you realise all those beautiful nights spent around the dining table, quietly admiring the cleanliness of the house was indeed just a three hour cleaning spree before your arrival.  As most of the time their living conditions could be likened to squalor.

Or that even at their age, and their years having previously lived with a woman, they still leave the toilet seat up. That the household bills are ignored until the letters arrive with red ink splattered across the page.

Little Things Make the Difference

Because while that beautiful time of keeping the day to day away from your romance, in the end, those things make a difference. And the older you get, the less room for change and adaptability there is on both ends.

Perhaps you can pinpoint their selfish nature back to so many events of their lives.  But the reality is, unless they openly seek to better themselves, this is never going to change. Those historical events don’t disappear.

Which is why I said ‘as I’m told’ when it comes to the traditional idea of dating.

I jump headlong into things and I want to have an idea of what I’m in for as soon as I can.  And at my age, anything I become involved in is with an eye on the long term.

I say long term because I think I’ve become sceptical enough to not say forever, even though that could always eventuate. There is an average of two marriages in my immediate family, some more, some less. Only two are still going, one nearing four decades, the other nearing four months.

We like to love.

And give ourselves wholeheartedly. It’s a blessing and a curse. I don’t believe in regret, no matter how much pain I may end up in, or worse yet, the pain I can cause to others.

Because although I just spoke of the selfish nature some show in their relationships, there is a need for some selfishness, and that simply, is to be happy.

Life is too short to not be happy.

And that’s why this Valentine’s Day, and in fact every day, it is most important to love yourself first and foremost.  Learning to be comfortable in your own skin, in your own heart, in your own thoughts.

When, or if, we ever then meet someone, we can be strong within ourselves, know who we truly are, and let them see that side of us. Maybe we’ll even think about how much do we care if bills are paid late or the toilet seat is left up, because in the end, does that really matter?

A rhetorical question? No. In the end, it shouldn’t matter. Because if we can love ourselves first, then we will have love to shroud another in, should we want.

This Valentine’s Day, I’m going to spend it alone, with the one I love. And probably a pizza. And that horror movie the ex always refused to watch.