Mutual Masturbation: A Simple Way to Reignite Intimacy
Mutual masturbation is one of the most underrated yet powerful ways to build closeness with a partner. It blends pleasure, safety, and open communication into a single act that can strengthen any relationship.
Mutual masturbation is an intimate act where partners stimulate themselves or each other without penetration. It builds trust, creates arousal, and strengthens connection in ways that penetrative sex alone may not.
Table of Contents
- What is Mutual Masturbation?
- Why Couples Benefit from Mutual Masturbation
- Why It Often Gets Overlooked
- History and Cultural Context
- Adding Sex Toys Into the Mix
- Mutual Masturbation and LGBTQ Perspectives
- How to Try Mutual Masturbation
- FAQ
What is Mutual Masturbation?
Mutual masturbation is a shared activity where partners pleasure themselves while watching each other, or stimulate each other’s bodies without penetration. It is part of outercourse, which also includes kissing, frottage, and oral play.
What makes it unique is the balance of independence and intimacy. Each person controls their own pleasure while creating an arousing, shared moment. This is particularly valuable for couples who want to connect without the pressure or expectation of penetration.
Why Couples Benefit from Mutual Masturbation
Mutual masturbation offers a wide range of benefits:
- Safety: It avoids fluid exchange, reducing STI risk.
- Communication: Partners see what feels good in real time.
- Confidence: Watching each other builds sexual trust.
- Variety: It keeps intimacy fresh without relying solely on penetration.
For heterosexual couples, it may serve as birth control or an option when penetration isn’t possible. When it comes to queer couples, it affirms that intimacy doesn’t require penetration to be valid. For people living with STIs, it provides a safe alternative. Studies confirm that masturbation is normal and healthy, and when done together, it can strengthen connection.
Why It Often Gets Overlooked
Despite its simplicity, many couples skip mutual masturbation. Some see it as “less real” than penetrative sex, but this mindset misses its true potential. Watching your partner touch themselves provides valuable insight into what arouses them. It is both erotic and educational.
Instead of viewing it as a second-rate activity, couples can reframe it as a tool to deepen connection, reduce performance anxiety, and make intimacy less goal-driven.
History and Cultural Context
Mutual masturbation is far from new. In the 1840s, Austrian artist Johann Nepomuk Geiger painted couples engaged in it, showing that this intimate act has long been recognized as a form of connection. Throughout history, cultures have recorded non-penetrative intimacy as part of erotic expression.
Adding Sex Toys Into the Mix
Today, couples often use vibrators or strokers during sex, but many overlook using them together at the same time. This simple act can magnify arousal. Watching your partner use a toy, while you do the same, creates a visual and emotional spark that few other acts can match.
Couples can experiment with couples sex toys, vibrators, or strokers for added intensity. It doesn’t replace hands—it enhances the experience.
Mutual Masturbation and LGBTQ Perspectives
For many LGBTQ couples, mutual masturbation is not “foreplay”—it’s sex. Queer relationships often reject the idea that penetrative acts define intimacy. This shift allows for a more inclusive view of sexual connection.
Redefining sex benefits everyone. People with health limitations, those living with STIs, and couples who prefer non-penetrative intimacy can all embrace mutual masturbation as valid, complete sex. Expanding definitions makes sex more inclusive and removes the hierarchy between penetration and other acts.
How to Try Mutual Masturbation
For couples new to this, starting can feel awkward. Here’s a simple step-by-step approach:
- Talk first: Share your interest and comfort levels.
- Set the mood: Light candles, play music, or create a relaxed environment.
- Start slowly: Begin by touching yourself while your partner watches, or mirror each other’s actions.
- Add variety: Use sex toys, lube, or different positions to keep it exciting.
- Stay connected: Make eye contact, kiss, or touch between strokes to build intimacy.
The key is comfort and curiosity. Start light, and let arousal guide the moment naturally.
FAQ
Is mutual masturbation safe?
Yes. It avoids direct fluid exchange, making it one of the safest sexual practices.
Does mutual masturbation count as sex?
Yes. Many couples, especially LGBTQ partners, view it as complete sex rather than foreplay.
Can we use toys during mutual masturbation?
Absolutely. Toys add variety and can increase stimulation for both partners.
How do I suggest it to my partner?
Be open and gentle. Frame it as a fun way to connect rather than a replacement for sex.
Conclusion: Why Every Couple Should Try It
Shared masturbation isn’t just an alternative to penetration. It’s an act that fosters trust, reduces pressure, and heightens arousal. Whether done with hands, toys, or a mix of both, it can transform intimacy into something deeper and more exciting. If your sex life feels stuck, this may be the easiest way to bring the spark back.
Meet PJ Weir, former Gay Exchange stalwart and gay rights advocate. Now caring for his mother in Queensland, he reflects on a decade of LGBTQ+ activism.
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