When I first came out, my mother was confused. Not because I liked the same sex (men) but because I had always spoken of children and eventually raising my own.
An idea of liking men and having children confused her, and to this day that is still on her mind more than ten years later. The thing is, that the world is full of different types of families and it has been this way for decades.
With divorce on the increase globally, it has resulted in a wide variety of different functioning families outside the traditional nuclear family of mother and father and two kids.
Same Sex Adoption – Moving With the Times
Arguments surrounding same sex marriage, for the most part, ignore the different types of families in place.
It ignores that some families only have a sole parent, and it ignores the gender of that sole parent.
Also it ignores the families with which the child is in a dangerous environment And it ignores children whom are suffering due to family disputes, violence, and are within emotionally devoid environments.
Arguments against same sex families focus on the very same arguments for same sex families
That being the focus is on the child and raising the child in a loving environment surrounded by people whom want to raise it and bring it into this world.
But the arguments concerning the child are different.
There are studies which indicate that a child needs both a mother and a father. And there are studies which indicate that homosexual parents will increase the likelihood of a homosexual child.
There are further arguments which dictate the end of the world if homosexuals change history and are allowed to raise children.
These arguments forget about the child
They forget the myriad of different family types across the globe. And they forget the children in need of adoption due to war, family breakdowns, tragic events, poverty.
A recent study using data from the National Survey of Children’s Health discovered that one of the only differences between a same sex family and a different-sex family was that the same sex family had more stress.
Little wonder when the laws favour different sex families and the struggles that same sex families face in order to get the legal recognition as parents that they deserve.
Unfair Treatment of Same Sex Families
There have been stories where one of the child’s mothers was refused to see her in hospital due to her not being ‘related’ to the child.
It is within this sense that a common conservative argument against same sex parenting exists. That is being that same sex parents are ultimately selfish for ignoring the natural needs of the child.
What is clear though is that there is no single parenting style
And that all the research spent on child rearing is conflicting. Certain ways are psychologically damaging and other ways are just plain bad parenting.
Both celebrities and average mums and dads are scrutinised with every photo.
From the two gay dads braiding their daughters hair, to radio presenter Jackie O being criticised for the way she crossed the road with her child. No one is immune to the onslaught of keyboard warriors prepared to jump down the throats of anyone that they perceive is a bad parent.
And it’s getting worse.
Last year there was an article examining the reasoning behind helicopter parenting
It mentioned that one couple had child services called on them for allowing their children to walk on the street, alone.
This article points out that it may not even be the child’s own parents that have become over zealous and over protective. But also ‘do-gooder’ strangers who perceive that their parenting style is superior.
Personally, I think that’s crazy.
I think of my childhood as I write this
Christmas and the myriad of children that would be playing in the streets, that would be riding their first bikes, parents chatting over coffee with the neighbours.
Then I think of this Christmas, where I was smiling over my coffee looked out onto the street and saw. . . nothing.
Average statistics indicate that there are around 10,000 human generations.
Humans, as they are today, have existed for around 200,000 years.
A modern form of human psychology has been around for 200 years. It is this school of thought which commonly attempts to dictate how we rear our children and how we must perform as parents.
Generally it is within this school of thought whereby the arguments against same sex parenting stem from. Through the ‘research’ of children and same sex parents. The way we have viewed children has changed dramatically since the industrial age.
We live in an age where the innocence of the child must be protected
Children are seen as weak, naïve, vulnerable and impressionable. We cotton-wool them to the point of being helicopter and litigious parents ready to rain down legal hell on whomever upsets our little angels.
Has the world gone mad?
What makes the past 200,000 years different to the past 200 hundred years?
Are we merely victims of our own crazed agenda’s or is it a combination of media, advertising and slogans being slammed down our throats?
You could argue that. Or you argue that same-sex parents who adopt are damaging to children.
You could accept that there are different families and you could understand that your own upbringing was different to others and that you still turned out okay.
Same Sex Stereotypes
Any relationship comes with certain stereotypes and misconceptions. But I can’t help noticing the large amount of Same Sex Stereotypes that exist with regards to relationships.
People seem to forget that relationships are built on an individuals personality and characteristics not their gender!
Below is a list of ridiculous yet hilarious questions I, and many, get asked whilst in a same sex relationship for your amusement.
1. Who wears the pants/is in charge if you’re both the same gender?
It might be a shock to some, but your gender doesn’t have a whole lot to do with how controlling/dominant you are in a relationship.
I’ve seen plenty of relationships where the female is more dominant in the relationship than the male. But in same sex relationships everyone is SOOOO curious as to who wears the pants.
The truth is, every relationship is different because every individual in a relationship is different. In some relationships, both characters are dominant and in others neither shows dominant traits.
2. Who pays for dinner?
Refer to the point 1. I think it’s quite shocking that the male in a hetero relationship is expected to pay for dinner on a date in the first place!
Me and my girlfriend share all expenses including food. Whilst it’s okay to treat your partner with a cute dinner date, no one should be expected to pay for anything in a relationship.
Cube is looking just as confused as I am with this question…
3. Who cooks and who cleans?
One of my FAVOURITE relationship stereotypes – the woman cooks and cleans.
Contrary to many beliefs, neither me nor my girlfriend enjoy cooking or cleaning and we definitely don’t argue on who wants to do it the most.
What happens in a gay relationship? Do both men just not eat and live like pigs?
4. In Lesbian relationship’s, you both must always must be crying and arguing.
Whilst our house can be fiery when we’re both on our period, we aren’t a quivering ball of emotions all month long!
We also don’t actively seek to jump each other, fight each other, or bicker at the first opportunity. In any relationship, your main goal should be to bring out the best in each other whether same sex or not.
I often hear a lot of people saying that lesbian relationships must be very fiery. Again, this is down to the INDIVIDUALS and not the gender.
5. Every lesbian relationship has a butch and a femme OR all lesbians are butch.
SO NOT THE CASE.
As individuals, we are attracted to peoples characteristics, attributes, and personalities – this INCLUDES lesbians. Also, FUN FACT not all lesbians are ‘butch’.
6. I guess there’s no such thing as cheating in a gay relationship?
UMMMMMMM. NO. Cheating is cheating. For some reason, I’ve had a lot of people saying that as a girl in a relationship with a girl, it’s okay to go and kiss other girls and it doesn’t have meaning.
First things first.
Any relationship has a set of boundaries and expectations that each partner is expected to respect. If you have explicitly agreed in ANY relationship that you are exclusive, than you are exclusive because that is the wishes of both parties.
Gender has no relevance. The act of ‘cheating’ means something different to everyone. But it definitely doesn’t just automatically lose it’s meaning or worth in a gay relationship because you are the same gender.
7. But if you’re both girls, how do you have sex?
This one cracks me up. It mostly comes down to people being ignorant and assuming that all sex has to involve a penis to be counted as sex. This is not the case.
For some people, sex involves no penetration at all. It’s also a little bit insulting to think that what we do isn’t ‘counted as sex’ to a lot of people.
Meet Stephen, a bold and opinionated cis-gendered gay advocate for gender equality and sexual education. Join him on the Adultsmart blog for fearless insights.
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