Do women lose interest in sex as a relationship grows old? How do you ensure you that you can deal with age related libido loss in the future? The early days of a relationship can seem great but how do you keep on rekindling the flame over and over again?
It’s difficult but if you know how to ensure your libido levels remain high as a woman, it can help.
Does a Woman’s Libido Change?
If you go through research, women do lose interest in sex over time in a relationship. An open study about losing interest in sex from BMJ Journals conducted on 6,669 British females and 4,839 British males found both men and women to lose interest in sex.
Overall, 34.2% of women lacked interest in sex. For men, the number was only 15%.
Women are also more likely to lose their sexual appetite as a relationship gets old with time.
Here are Some Highlights from that Study
It shows how women are prone to lose the sexual drive for relationships and the age of the relationships.
- 1 and 5 years old – Women are 45% more likely to lose interest in sex.
- 5 and 15 years – Women have 137% more chances of losing sexual drive.
- Over 15 years old – Women are 131% more likely to lose interest in sex.
It’s clear that women are more prone to lose interest in sex in a relationship more than men. But what actually makes them lose their passion? Let’s find out!
Why Women Lose Interest in Sex Over Time?
Research says both men and women may feel a dip in their sex drive beginning from the 30s. Women are more affected by men from these physical changes. But a woman in her 30s or 40s is still at her sexual peak and can lead a fulfilling sexual life.
Losing interest in sex is not always due to low libido.
Accoding to the North American Menopause Society, a women’s sexual desire is dependent on many factors. Not always age and sex drive.
Things like beliefs, values, expectations, and intimacy play a big part in keeping up the sexual vigor as a relationship gets old. Issues like conflicts with partners, stress, and other things can also rob the passion out of sex.
In short, women can lose the motivation to have sex over time in a relationship.
Why and How do Women lose Interest in Sex as a Relationship Ages?
Subsiding Feelings About Your Partner
The feeling for each other is strong when a relationship starts.
You are attracted to each other and feel like spending all day together. Sadly, this feeling doesn’t last for long. Women can start losing interest in sex within just a year of the relationship.
Jennifer Landa, MD, and an ob-gyn, says feelings about your partner can affect sexual desire. Over time, the bond between partners can fade, resulting in a loss of interest in sex.
To counter the problem, both partners should try to keep things exciting. Couples should also prioritize sex and keep aside time for sexual activities.
Conflicts in Relationship
According to Psychology Today, anger and resentment are two of the biggest factors that lower sexual drive. Couples are all for each other in the initial days of the relationship. But as time moves on, they tend to disagree more on different topics.
As a result, conflicts arise in relationships and take a toll on the desire for each other.
Women are also prone to negative thinking patterns more than men, which could affect their sex drive. Thoughts like “You are mean or selfish,” or “You don’t give me any time” can make women hostile to their partners. And make them lose interest in sex.
Lack of Communication
Communication can make or break a relationship. It is the key to happy marriages. Couples going through a rough patch can change their way of communication. This could then help you reconnect with your partner.
When you first fall in love, you are talking to each other whenever you get the opportunity.
Attraction Fades and so Does Communication
But as the initial attraction fades, the frequency and openness of communication can take a downward curve. You disclose fewer things to one another and don’t bring up issues you should talk about.
Women are more likely to hold things in and feel disconnected due to a lack of communication. We suggest you talk to each other, be honest, and talk about things that are hampering your relationship and sex life.
Open communication can also eliminate the negative habits women develop over time.
Internal Emotional Struggles
Women can lose interest in sex for several internal emotional struggles. Work pressure and stress can decrease sexual drive in women, according to Psychology Today. Women can also have negative body perceptions that creep up more frequently as a relationship gets old.
Depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress are also known to affect sexual desire in females.
These problems may be present in us even when a relationship begins. But as time passes and you get more comfortable with your partner, the demons begin to come out.
If you are struggling with internal emotions, share them with your partner. Or confide in a close friend or go for therapy.
Final Thoughts
It’s common for women to lose interest in sex over time in a relationship more than men. Unless you have a medical condition of low libido, working on your relationship can bring your passion back.
Develop open communication and ask your partner to talk without judging or prejudice. Both of you should also make efforts to spice up your relationship and prioritize sex.
Maybe you can try new locations or experiment with new positions to make things exciting once again.
If you need a bit of help with arousal, try natural aphrodisiacs like Spanish Fly right before sex. Enjoy ultimate satisfaction and increased sexual appetite.
What is Age Related Libido Loss?
It is a strange thing getting old. In some ways I am physically and mentally more comfortable with myself than I have ever been. This is true for most women as they age I think.
I smile when I think about all the hangups I used to have about myself and my body when I was young.
What I wouldn’t do for that body now. I think someone famous once said, “Youth is wasted on the young”, and it is true.
I am a consultant at Adultsmart and was surprised at the demographic of the people who come into the store at first.
Is Sex a Playground for the Young?
So, I guess I had been duped by the media to a certain extent into believing sex was a playground predominantly for the young.
It turns out it probably swings the other way.
Speaking for myself, I have gained a genuine desire to try out new things. In my youth I experimented. But often that was born out of some immature need to live up to the image I had created for myself. Or some silly need to impress the boys.
Things are different now though. I am in my mid forties and I have been with the same partner for 18 years.
He is a few years younger than me and sexually like a teenager.
On paper it should be ideal. We should be having non stop experimental sex together, but we are not. In fact I am afraid to say it is often the case, that I have sex just to get him off my case.
It is awful really, I know. He knows it and unsurprisingly he hates it. I thought we would be romping our way into an old peoples home together but that isn’t the case.
What is strange is that once we get start having any kind of sex, I really really enjoy it.
It’s just that I never want to get started and it wasn’t making any sense to me.
Never one to sit in the problem and always one to seek a solution I have done a bit of research. The first thing I found out is I am certainly not alone in feeling this way with my low libido.
This is really common and this decrease in desire can start as young as thirty.
Often hormonal based as a woman moves towards menopause.
She can experience the physical changes that can make sex painful and hormone changes that are akin to going through a backwards puberty! There are creams and medications to address these things.
But medical menopause is a subject on its own.
What I will say though, is there has been a hell of a lot more research and headway made in addressing male sexual dysfunction than there has been with female.
While some might find relief in the medicine cabinet for loss of libido for me and many others it is much more complex.
Sex drive is inextricably wrapped up in emotions.
When I feel upset or tired, over worked or underappreciated in life, or in my relationship. Sometimes quite subconsciously, I don’t feel like ‘giving’ anymore of myself.
Studies have found that even when a woman is turned on physically, she will still not desire sex unless she is mentally in touch with the ‘idea’ of being turned on.
Get Mentally Turned on First
One answer to that would be for us women to get ourselves mentally in touch with being turned on. Get our partners out of our minds, and get our minds thinking about our sexual health.
Whether that be through watching a bit of porn on our own before bed time. Or fantasizing about a movie star or old boyfriend.
We are not being unfaithful, just separating sex from day to day emotional distractions.
Communication
Obviously it is much better to deal with any relationship communication problem at its root.
This doesn’t have to mean counseling or anything frightening like that. It can simply be a case of identifying the things that are getting in the way for you and addressing them. May be that you feel your partner is only nice when he wants something.
Perhaps he doesn’t do enough housework or spends too much time doing his own thing. These little things mount up.
Our partners aren’t mind readers though.
It is up to us to identify our own sources of anger or resentment.
You need to let them know what is happening with you. The most important thing is to communicate your feelings to your partner in a way that is going to get you the results you want.
Don’t bombard a person with the stuff they do wrong. Turn it around. Tell them how much their affections mean to you and how great it makes you feel when you are appreciated.
Never underestimate the power you have.
Your partner wants the same results you do so will probably be more than willing to sort out an ongoing gripe about the amount of house work you both do.
You really really need to set time aside for each other that is away from kids and the phone and TV too. Not for sex, but to feel like a team again.
A woman needs to feel connected to her partner and that is the only way to do it.
Some women find physically aging distressing
There are women out there who unlike me don’t enjoy the benefits of feeling a bit more comfortable in their own skin as they get older.
You simply lose confidence. That needs fixing before you will see changes in your sex drive. Fact is if you don’t feel good about yourself, you are presuming the rest of the world is thinking the same about you.
This is nonsense.
You have to do everything you can to build your own self esteem.
Buy lingerie that makes you feel good. Forget about what your partner likes. Get a make over, get botox and get your hair done. There are personal shoppers in most stores book an appointment and get some fresh eyes to give you a new look.
Did you know that when a guy is with a woman for a long time, he psychologically morphs the old you with the present you?
You look much better to him than you do to yourself.
Take comfort in that. I would love to say my sex life is just fine now with me and my partner. But as is often the case with these things, loss of libido doesn’t get fixed overnight.
It all takes time. I probably wouldn’t have written any of this though if it wasn’t working just a little bit.
Read from our Guest Bloggers articles. Authors submit original articles on sexual lifestyle, health, and wellness to rick.xsales@gmail.com for posting.
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