Want To Be a Better Submissive?
Dominance and Submission (sub/dom) relationships are more than just a dynamic—they are partnerships built on trust, communication, and mutual fulfillment. Being a submissive doesn’t mean giving up power entirely; instead, it’s about willingly offering control to a dominant in a way that strengthens your bond. Getting the right balance to be a better submissive can be tricky at firs
Like any relationship, a BDSM partnership evolves with time and effort. For submissives, striving to be better isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth, understanding, and improving your connection with your dominant. Whether you’re new to submission or a seasoned sub, there’s always room to refine your approach and strengthen the relationship.
This article offers practical advice, emotional insights, and actionable tips to help you become a better submissive while maintaining a healthy, fulfilling connection with your dominant.
Understanding Submission in BDSM
The Essence of Sub/Dom Dynamics
At its core, a sub/dom relationship thrives on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. The submissive’s role is not about weakness or inferiority—it’s about choosing to surrender control in a way that feels empowering and fulfilling.
A healthy BDSM relationship relies on both partners feeling valued and respected. For dominants, the responsibility of wielding control is significant, requiring empathy and awareness. For submissives, understanding the value of your role is essential. A submissive actively contributes to the dynamic, offering their vulnerability as a powerful gift.
Misconceptions often paint submission as passive, but in reality, it’s far from that. Submissives are active participants, communicating their desires, needs, and boundaries to ensure both partners thrive within the relationship.
Exploring the Role of a Submissive
Submission is a journey that combines emotional, mental, and physical elements. Being a submissive isn’t about giving up your identity; instead, it’s about embracing a side of yourself that finds joy in surrender and service.
A key part of this role is recognizing your worth. Submission is a consensual and empowering act. By understanding your importance in the dynamic, you’ll grow more confident in your abilities to serve, please, and trust your dominant.
For many submissives, the journey involves self-discovery. What brings you fulfillment in your role? Is it the act of relinquishing control? Or perhaps it’s the satisfaction of knowing your submission enhances your dominant’s pleasure? By exploring these questions, you’ll uncover the unique aspects of submission that resonate with you.
Communication and Boundaries
The Importance of Safe words
In any BDSM relationship, safe words are a cornerstone of trust and safety. These pre-agreed words or signals act as a safety net, ensuring that both partners feel secure during scenes or power exchanges.
Some submissives hesitate to use their safe words, fearing they’ll disappoint their dominant or break the scene’s flow. However, refusing to use your safe word can create confusion and mistrust. Dominants rely on honest communication to gauge their partner’s comfort and enjoyment. By using your safe word when needed, you’re not disrupting the experience—you’re enhancing it by keeping the relationship grounded in trust.
Using a safe word doesn’t signal failure; it’s a tool to ensure the experience remains consensual and pleasurable for both parties. If you find yourself struggling to use it, have an open conversation with your dominant to address your concerns.
Transparent Communication
Beyond safe words, open and ongoing communication is essential for a thriving BDSM dynamic. Regular check-ins allow you and your dominant to discuss what’s working, what isn’t, and what could be improved.
For submissives, being vocal about your feelings, boundaries, and desires demonstrates your investment in the relationship. It’s not just about saying what you want—it’s about fostering a connection where both partners feel understood and valued.
If you’re new to BDSM, start by sharing your thoughts and emotions after each scene. What did you enjoy? What felt uncomfortable? Over time, these conversations will become second nature, deepening your bond with your dominant.
Expanding Submission Beyond the Bedroom
Incorporating Submission in Daily Life
While the bedroom is often the focal point of a BDSM relationship, submission can also extend into everyday life in subtle and meaningful ways. By incorporating your submissive tendencies into daily routines, you strengthen the bond between you and your dominant while maintaining a healthy balance.
This doesn’t mean handing over control of every aspect of your life—submission outside the bedroom is about small gestures that reinforce the dynamic. For example, you might let your dominant decide where to eat, which outfit to wear for a date night, or even small tasks like preparing their morning coffee just the way they like it.
The key is consent and communication. Not every submissive wants to extend their role beyond the bedroom, and that’s perfectly valid. If you’re interested, discuss it with your dominant and explore ways to integrate these acts of submission that feel natural and fulfilling. These small moments can deepen trust, enhance intimacy, and remind both partners of their unique connection.
Creating Rituals
Rituals are a beautiful way to embody submission and strengthen the emotional connection with your dominant. These repetitive acts, no matter how small, can hold immense meaning and create a sense of security and intimacy in your relationship.
A ritual can be as simple as kneeling at your dominant’s feet at the beginning of a scene or saying specific words to acknowledge your role. For instance, some submissives have a nightly practice of thanking their dominant or sending a text in the morning to express gratitude.
By creating rituals together, you can establish a shared language that’s unique to your dynamic. These moments serve as anchors, grounding your relationship in mutual respect and intention. Over time, rituals become cherished traditions that reinforce the power exchange and your emotional bond.
Balancing Submission with Initiative
The Role of Taking Control (Occasionally)
It might sound counterintuitive, but submissives taking control at times can actually strengthen the dynamic. Submission is about offering control, not passively waiting for direction. By occasionally initiating activities, you demonstrate care and investment in the relationship.
Taking control can be as simple as suggesting a fantasy you’d like to explore or planning an intimate evening that aligns with your dominant’s desires. These actions show that you’re an active participant, not just a passive recipient.
For dominants, constantly being in control can be exhausting. Your initiative not only alleviates some of that pressure but also reassures them of your enthusiasm and commitment. Even something as straightforward as initiating intimacy sends a powerful message: you’re in this together, and their pleasure matters to you.
Supporting Your Dominant’s Needs
Being a dominant requires energy, creativity, and emotional strength. While much attention is given to submissive needs, dominants also need care and affirmation. As a submissive, one of the most valuable things you can do is support your dominant’s well-being.
After intense scenes, dominants often experience a drop in energy or emotions similar to the “sub drop” that submissives encounter. Offering words of reassurance, checking in with their feelings, or simply expressing gratitude for their efforts can go a long way in nurturing your dynamic.
Remember, your dominant isn’t infallible. They may second-guess themselves or worry they’ve pushed too far. A heartfelt “thank you” or open acknowledgment of your trust in them can reaffirm their confidence and help maintain a healthy balance in your relationship.
The Power of Aftercare
Submissive Aftercare Essentials
Aftercare is a fundamental aspect of BDSM, offering emotional and physical support to both partners after an intense scene. For submissives, it plays a crucial role in transitioning from the heightened emotions and sensations of play back to the normalcy of everyday life. This process ensures their overall well-being and strengthens the bond with their dominant.
Sexual Aftercare often involves several comforting practices tailored to the needs of the submissive. Physical comfort is key, and this might include actions like cuddling, gentle touches, or applying soothing lotions to areas that experienced heightened stimulation. These acts help relax the body and provide a sense of security.
Emotional support is equally important. Many couples use aftercare as an opportunity to engage in open conversations about the scene, sharing feelings and offering reassurance to process the experience together. This fosters a deeper connection and mutual understanding.
Replenishing the body’s energy is another essential element of aftercare. Sharing water and snacks helps to address dehydration and physical exhaustion, promoting recovery and revitalization. Together, these practices create a nurturing environment where both partners feel cared for and valued after the intensity of their shared experience.
These practices help mitigate potential negative emotional responses, such as the “sub drop,” where a submissive might feel a sudden emotional low after the endorphin high of a scene. By prioritizing aftercare, both partners can ensure a positive and nurturing conclusion to their BDSM activities.
Dominant Aftercare: A Neglected Need
While submissive aftercare is widely acknowledged, the aftercare needs of dominants are equally significant, though they are often overlooked. Dominants can experience emotional and physical fatigue after a scene, and they benefit from thoughtful support to help them process their experiences and restore balance.
Providing emotional reassurance is a crucial aspect of dominant aftercare. Affirming that their actions during the scene were consensual and appreciated can help alleviate any feelings of guilt or concerns about the scene’s intensity. Knowing that their efforts were valued reassures them and fosters a stronger sense of trust within the relationship.
Physical relaxation is another important component. Offering a massage or engaging in a comforting activity together allows the dominant to unwind and recover physically, creating a soothing post-scene environment.
Open communication is vital as well. Taking time to discuss the scene from both perspectives enables partners to ensure mutual understanding, address any highlights, and work through potential concerns. These conversations not only strengthen the emotional connection but also provide valuable insights for future experiences. By attending to a dominant’s aftercare needs, submissives contribute to a balanced, supportive dynamic that benefits both partners.
Embracing Playfulness in BDSM
The Joy of Mixing Seriousness with Fun
While BDSM is often seen as intense and serious, incorporating moments of playfulness can create a richer and more enjoyable dynamic. Laughter and light-heartedness are not only acceptable but can strengthen the bond between a submissive and their dominant.
Imagine a scene where you share an inside joke mid-play or a moment of silliness arises naturally—it doesn’t detract from the experience; it humanizes it. Playfulness can also ease the pressure of maintaining a “perfect” dynamic, reminding both partners that BDSM is about connection and enjoyment, not rigid perfection.
Timing is key when introducing humour or levity. During a highly emotional or physically intense moment, it might feel out of place. However, in lighter scenarios or during breaks, a playful comment or shared laugh can be incredibly refreshing. Remember, BDSM is your journey—there’s no rule that says it has to be all serious, all the time.
Breaking Routine with Creativity
Routines can be comforting, but they can also lead to stagnation if not balanced with novelty. In a BDSM relationship, exploring new scenarios, techniques, or fantasies is essential to keep things exciting and engaging.
For example, you might experiment with sensory play if it’s new to you or explore a role-play scenario you’ve discussed but never tried. Simple changes like adjusting the setting or introducing a new element—such as blindfolds or music—can completely transform the energy of a scene.
Creativity doesn’t always require grand gestures. Small shifts, like experimenting with different tones of voice or new commands, can reinvigorate the dynamic. When both partners are open to exploration, the relationship grows, fostering deeper trust and connection.
Self-Growth and Personal Development
Enhancing Your Submissive Skills
Being a submissive isn’t just about following commands—it’s a role that involves emotional depth, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow. Actively enhancing your submissive skills can enrich your relationship and bring deeper fulfillment.
Start by reflecting on what aspects of submission bring you joy. Is it the sense of service, the emotional connection, or the thrill of relinquishing control? Once you’ve identified your motivations, seek resources to expand your knowledge. Books, workshops, and online communities are excellent places to learn from others who share your experiences.
Role-specific skills, such as maintaining posture, active listening, or responding to commands promptly, can also be developed with practice. Similarly, emotional growth—like improving communication or managing insecurities—can make you a stronger partner. Remember, growth is a journey, and every step you take strengthens your ability to contribute meaningfully to your dynamic.
Building Confidence as a Submissive
Confidence is a vital trait for submissives, as it allows you to fully embrace your role and engage with your dominant authentically. However, it’s natural to feel moments of doubt or insecurity, especially when exploring new dynamics.
To build confidence, remind yourself of the value you bring to the relationship. Your submission is a gift, and your willingness to trust, serve, and connect deeply is what makes the dynamic special. Celebrate your unique qualities and contributions rather than comparing yourself to others.
If insecurities arise, communicate them openly with your dominant. A supportive dominant will reassure you of your worth and work with you to address any concerns. Over time, as you see the positive impact of your submission on the relationship, your confidence will naturally grow. Embrace your individuality and trust in your ability to thrive in your role.
Frikki Submissive’s Personal Insights
As someone who has explored the nuances of submission, I can confidently say that being a submissive is as much about self-discovery as it is about your relationship with your dominant. Over the years, I’ve learned that submission isn’t a fixed role; it evolves as you grow and deepen your connection.
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is the importance of communication. Early on, I hesitated to voice my feelings or use safe words, worried it would disappoint my dominant. But over time, I realized that open communication strengthens trust, making the dynamic more fulfilling for both partners.
Rituals have also played a significant role in my journey. Whether it’s kneeling as a sign of gratitude or sending a simple “good morning” text to acknowledge my role, these small acts create a sense of purpose and connection that extends beyond scenes. They remind me of the bond we share, even during busy or stressful times.
Creativity and playfulness have been game-changers for me, too. BDSM doesn’t have to be rigid or overly serious—it’s about mutual joy and exploration. I’ve found that introducing new ideas or even laughing together during a scene can break monotony and bring us closer.
If there’s one takeaway I want to share, it’s this: submission is a gift, but it’s also a partnership. Be patient with yourself as you navigate the highs and challenges.
Frikki
Join Frikki’s sensual journey! A part-time Miami resident with a penchant for erotic tales, BDSM, and exhibitionism. Join her escapades at adultsmart!
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