Dr. Stacy Answers Questions Regarding Using Sex Toys And How To Become A Cuckold
Dr. Stacy Friedman, a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach, has teamed up with Adultsmart this week to offer expert insights on intimate relationships. As part of this collaboration, she answers two anonymous questions submitted to askasexologist@gmail.com. If you’ve ever wondered how to become a cuckold or navigate alternative relationship dynamics, her professional guidance provides valuable clarity. Her expertise helps individuals explore their desires in a safe, informed, and fulfilling way. Stay tuned as she addresses real concerns with practical advice, shedding light on the complexities of modern relationships.
First Question – I Want To Become A Cuckold
I’m a married man and married my first love. We broke up 7 months ago when I went away. We have grown children now and a great life but during our time apart she was with others. I found out years ago but she won’t talk about it at all. I’ve masturbated about it for years and went from jealousy to anger to now one of the only ways I get erect.
She doesn’t know that I feel this way but knows some and says she doesn’t remember any of the details from years ago and doesn’t trust that I won’t be mad if she says more now. I know I was to blame for my reaction years ago but how do I get her to open up more and incorporate it into our lives now?
Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer
It is very common for men to get turned on thinking of their wife having sex with another man. Not all men want to explore it in real life but if it is something that turns you on, then you may want to find out why and what about that thought is hot for you. You need to ask yourself some questions such as, what about her being with others is a turn on?
What do you hope to get out of incorporating it into your life? Also, how much do you want her to open up about the experience? Do you want her to be involved with other men while you watch, while you join, or just talk dirty about it?
Communication And Clear Boundaries Are Essential
Maybe she doesn’t want to be with others now that your marriage is at the stage it’s at so she prefers to not discuss it. Bringing someone into the relationship, especially into a long-term marriage can be tricky. It isn’t something to take lightly and there needs to be a lot of trust, communication and boundaries set. You need to know that you are always taking a risk. It can be done successfully if there is open communication but the fact that she doesn’t want to discuss it now may mean that it isn’t something that she is interested in.
At the end, if she doesn’t want to incorporate more into your relationship then you need to use your own personal thoughts and keep fantasizing about it. If you want to try and get erect in other ways, spice up your current situation by having sex in different positions, different places, roleplaying, adding toys, discussing your fantasies together or anything that brings something new to your relationship. This will hopefully allow you to express your desires and find other ways to be stimulated and erect so it isn’t all about you fantasizing about her with other men. Good luck!
Second Question – Using Sex Toys To Climax
My partner and I have been together for about 15 years now. After we had hit the 10 year mark our bedroom antics started to get a little dull and I wasn’t really enjoying sex with him as much and would often not orgasm. We started experimenting with sex toys and that livened things up however it has got to the stage that I do not orgasm having sex with him unless I use a toy to stimulate my clitoris at the same time.
He has asked me a couple of times to have straight sex without any aids but it just doesn’t do it for me and he seems to get that. I still love him and have not entertained the thought of going elsewhere. Is there something wrong with me? Why do I not get off on just straight sex anymore?
Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer
First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Statistics show that at least 75% of women can NOT have an orgasm through intercourse without some form of clitoral stimulation so the fact that you are able to achieve an orgasm with toys on your clitoris is a very common way for women to enjoy.
As you get older, your body changes, desires change as does the way you feel towards your partner. You may not get stimulated the same ways you did earlier in the relationship and you may need to try different things in order to keep your desire up. The fact that you started experimenting when you realized things were getting dull is a testament to your ability to communicate about sex and how you are feeling with your partner so it is very important to continue to do so in order to keep things working for you and your husband.
The Way You Experience Pleasure Can Change Over Time
I don’t know if you have had children over the last 5-10 years but if so, that can also change the position of your uterus and potentially the G-spot inside which can affect how you orgasm while having intercourse. Just because someone needs extra stimulation with a toy in order to have an orgasm doesn’t mean their partner is doing something wrong, if anything, it can take the pressure off of him to not have to worry about performance and focus on the pleasure of his wife enjoying sex even if toys are involved.
As long as you are spending time having foreplay and not just going right to intercourse with your toys, your husband can still feel like he is connecting with you on an emotional and physical level to be able to enjoy each other.
Use This Information To Foster Your Needs In Your Relationship
Sexual relationships evolve, and that is completely natural. The key to keeping intimacy strong is honest communication, trust, and a willingness to adapt. If you want to become a cuckold, understanding your desires and discussing them openly with your partner is crucial. It is not about pushing someone into something they do not want, but rather finding a way to connect in a way that works for both of you. Some fantasies stay as fantasies, while others can become a reality with mutual agreement.
For those using toys to enhance pleasure, there is no shame in that. Bodies change, desires shift, and what once worked might not work the same way anymore. The goal is satisfaction for both partners, not fitting into some outdated idea of what sex should look like. If something makes intimacy more enjoyable, embrace it together instead of feeling guilty.
Relationships thrive when both people feel heard and valued. Whether you are opening up about fantasies or finding new ways to enjoy pleasure together, communication remains the most important part. Stay honest, stay open, and never stop finding ways to bring excitement into your connection. That is what keeps passion alive for the long haul.
6 FAQs To Elevate Your Sex Life!
Can cuckolding improve intimacy in a long-term relationship?
Cuckolding can enhance intimacy for some couples, but only if both partners genuinely consent and feel comfortable. It requires deep trust, open communication, and clearly defined boundaries. For some, it strengthens emotional and sexual connection by increasing arousal, honesty, and vulnerability. However, if one partner is reluctant or feels pressured, it can lead to resentment and emotional distance. The key is making sure both individuals feel heard and respected while exploring this dynamic. If it strengthens your bond rather than causing stress, it may add excitement and deepen intimacy in your relationship.
What should I do if my partner is uncomfortable with discussing their past experiences?
If your partner hesitates to discuss their past, respect their boundaries while creating a safe space for open conversations. Avoid pressuring them or reacting with judgment. Instead, express curiosity in a way that reassures them of your emotional stability. If they fear your reaction, acknowledge past mistakes and show growth. Let them know your goal is to strengthen the relationship, not dwell on the past. If the topic remains sensitive, consider professional guidance from a therapist or sex coach who can help facilitate deeper conversations without emotional strain.
How can I introduce my cuckolding desires without making my partner feel inadequate?
Bringing up cuckolding fantasies requires sensitivity and a non-threatening approach. Avoid framing it as something they lack or something you need to be satisfied. Instead, introduce it as a fantasy that excites you and explore whether they share any similar interests. Use non-judgmental language and invite their thoughts rather than expecting agreement. A good starting point is discussing general fantasies first before easing into more specific desires. If they show resistance, respect their feelings and avoid pushing the topic. Healthy relationships prioritize mutual comfort over personal desires.
Can relying on sex toys for orgasm affect a relationship negatively?
Sex toys are tools for pleasure, not replacements for emotional or physical connection. If used as a way to enhance intimacy, they can strengthen a relationship. However, if one partner feels excluded or inadequate, it may create tension. Open dialogue about why toys are enjoyable can ease concerns. Instead of treating them as a necessity, frame them as an addition to shared experiences. Finding ways to blend toys with partner interaction, such as incorporating them during foreplay or mutual stimulation, keeps intimacy balanced and enjoyable for both people.
What are the emotional risks of introducing cuckolding into a marriage?
Cuckolding can bring excitement, but it also carries emotional risks if not approached with care. Feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or regret may arise, even if both partners initially agree. It is essential to have ongoing conversations about comfort levels and emotional well-being. If one partner begins to feel neglected or the dynamic shifts in an unhealthy way, it can create lasting damage. Establishing clear expectations, discussing concerns regularly, and maintaining emotional reassurance help prevent potential emotional fallout. If insecurities surface, addressing them openly ensures both partners feel valued and secure.
How can couples keep sex exciting after years together without relying solely on fantasies or toys?
Long-term couples can maintain passion by prioritizing novelty and connection. Small changes, such as exploring new positions, locations, or unexpected surprises, can reignite excitement. Emotional intimacy also plays a major role. Sharing desires, discussing fantasies, and engaging in deep conversations strengthen attraction. Engaging in playful teasing, experimenting with sensual massages, and focusing on pleasure rather than routine keeps things fresh. The goal is to evolve together rather than falling into predictable patterns. Even simple gestures, like setting aside dedicated time for intimacy, can make a significant difference.
Unlock free advice from Clinical Sexologist Dr. Stacy Friedman! Your questions may be featured in Adultsmart’s blog. Email askasexologist@gmail.com.
Leave a Reply