I love sex. It’s great, it’s fun, it’s intimate, there’s touching, there’s dick, there are mouths and i can go on and on and on about the joys of sex. But – there’s a little secret about sex that unknowingly places a lot of pressure on guys. In university – there was a dude i took home. We’ll call him Dave. Dave wasn’t going to be a forever boy, we both knew that Dave was a fuck boy and there was just some physical sexual attraction that we needed to sweat out. And so we did. Once. Twice. Three times. By the third time, i was almost shooting dry and it was taking a bit of the edge off, but five minutes later – Dave was hard again. And. . . again. Five ejaculations over the course of the afternoon, i don’t even know if i came the last time – but Dave did. He came every single time, and five minutes later he was fucking hard again. Don’t get me wrong, Dave was fun, he was hot, and i enjoyed it. The first time. The second time. Maybe even a little the third time – but then i was done. I was dusted. My dick, my body had had enough. Dave – hadn’t.
Pornmight have convinced you at some stage that men are like the little energizer bunnies, they keep going and going and going – but realistically, scientifically, everyone is different. What I’m talking about is the male refractory period – or in layman’s terms, the time between orgasms. After ejaculation, your brain floods your body with hormones and neural signals that tells your body you need to relax, especially the penis – this is why (for the most part) a lot of men will begin to lose their erection shortly after ejaculation. It happens, it’s natural, biologically the body understands that he’s shot his load and that he might have had a chance to achieve reproduction. That’s it. It’s science as to why some guys can keep going, and some just can’t. After ejaculation the males dopamine and testosterone levels drop, while the body is flooded with serotonin and prolactin. The more prolactin produced, the longer it will take for his refractory period to expire. Some guys, like Dave, don’t produce a lot of prolactin, or maybe i just made him extremely horny and aroused – we’ll never know. But what we do know is that there was a difference between our refractory periods and though i was quite stressed at the time for the failing of my body, now i know that it’s all pretty normal.
Aside from our bodies, the Refractory Period is also affected by other factors such as stress, energy levels, drug and alcohol use, and even arousal levels. Young men in their late teens and early twenties may only need a few minutes, while 30-40 year olds may need an hour or so. So how does this cause stress? Well, it comes to the old adage of when mates are sitting around the table telling each other how much sex they’ve had this week, how many times they banged their partner the night before. The truth is remarkably simple – if you’re happy then that’s all that matters. You shouldn’t try keeping up with the Jones’s (or Dave. Goddamn Dave) you should be going at your own pace. Sure, if you’re experiencing confidence issues, or if you are having problems – here are two changes that you can help you to decrease your male refractory period.
1. Diet
Diet goes a long way to looking after your body. I’m not talking about being athletic, or built, or going to the gym 12 times a day to check out that trainer you’re lusting after. I’m talking about taking care of what you’re putting into your body. If you’re putting in a lot of sugar, high fat/fried/fast food items, then your body is not going to be performing as well, you’ll be stressing it out, and it’ll be working overdrive. This can ultimately affect your energy levels – all of which can affect your refractory period. Alcohol and drug use (recreational and prescription) can also affect your body – so make sure you’re checking these out and making considerations or seeking the advice of a medical professional as to what you’re using.
2. Arousal
Arousal goes a long way to directly affecting the refractory period. When you’re banging away for a quick fuck and orgasm within a few minutes – you’ve essentially given the body a quick fix. It has no need to be aroused again. But spend an afternoon away frolicking in the bedroom, foreplay – to the point that your dick is dripping and you’re not sure whether you can take anymore and you just desperately need that release – well that high level of arousal is continually pumping hormones into your body which can wash out everything else. Ultimately, a long session of foreplay, teasing, edging, or period of play where you’re not getting release can drastically reduce your refractory period. Plus – it feels great!
Meet Stephen, a bold and opinionated cis-gendered gay advocate for gender equality and sexual education. Join him on the Adultsmart blog for fearless insights.
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