Dr. Stacy Answered Questions Regarding Masturbating Without Sex Toys
Dr. Stacy Friedman, a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach, has teamed up with Adultsmart this week to answer two anonymous questions sent to askasexologist@gmail.com. One question focuses on masturbating without sex toys, a topic many feel curious about but rarely discuss openly. Some prefer a natural approach, using only their hands and imagination to build pleasure. Others want new techniques to make solo time more exciting. Dr. Friedman shares expert advice to help anyone looking for deeper satisfaction without relying on toys.
First Question For Dr. Stacy
I’m a virgin, but my sex drive feels overwhelming at times. The need to pleasure myself comes often, but lately, it’s starting to feel repetitive. I want to experiment with something kinkier to make it more exciting, but I can’t buy sex toys because I don’t live alone, and I’m worried about privacy. I feel frustrated because I crave new sensations but don’t know how to explore them without getting caught. Is it normal to feel this way? Do you have any advice on how I can spice things up without using toys?
Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer
Seeing that I don’t know all of your details, age, history, etc, I can answer basically and say yes it is totally normal to have a high sex drive as people have all different drives and there isn’t one that is considered “normal”. Since you are a virgin, you may have some built up sexual urges that are wanting to come out so you may be more horny that some because of that. Masturbation is a healthy, normal part of sexuality so there shouldn’t be any shame or concern if you are enjoying yourself unless it is to a point where it is affecting your work, relationships, and daily activities.
You Are Limited Only By Your Creativity
There are many ways to get kinky without women’s sex toys by using different positions to pleasure yourself. Maybe get a small bottle of lube that you can put near your lotions so it is discreet. When you take a shower, use the showerhead and see if you can get a good feeling from that or lie in a tub and let the water from the faucet run between your legs. There are also many small sex toys you can keep in your purse that are quiet and may even be disguised as a lipstick or a blush brush so if they were found, nobody would think twice.
There are discreet pillows that can hold and hide sex toys or even lock boxes made specifically for toys to keep in a closet or drawer that nobody can open. You can also look at some videos on your phone of some light porn if you think of things that may turn you on to give you some more ideas or to use your imagination for next time. Hope this helps and you see that even though you don’t live alone, there are plenty of ways to pleasure yourself without any large toys to be found!
Second Question For Dr. Stacy
With the news that has been making headlines recently about the sexual assault allegations with Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Kesha Vs Dr Luke and the #Metoo campaign, I have found it hard to ignore memories of the bad experiences I had to face in my past. How do I manage the flachbacks I have been experiencing? What steps am I meant to take to begin coping with the sexual assault I have experienced?
Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer
I am so sorry you have had to deal with any type of sexual harassment or assault as most of us women (and some men), myself included, have been through some kind of situation that sparks anxiety, frustration, and just bad feelings regarding a sexual action that was brought against us. Being that I am a sexologist, not a sex therapist, I would highly suggest if you are having flashbacks and have never gotten any one on one therapy for the sexual assault that you have experienced, that you find a person near you that specializes in sexual trauma or abuse that maybe does EMDR to talk to.
My suggestion in the meantime until you find someone, is to do some yoga or breathing exercises that can keep you relaxed and find yourself a happy place in real life or in your mind that you can go to where it is safe and calm so you can be there while you breathe. Know whatever happened was not your fault and you find a way to get to your inner strength, take a kickboxing class, karate class or something that makes you feel strong and do your best to move forward. I hope you get the support you need and stay strong.
That’s All The Time For Questions Today
If there’s one thing I can say with confidence, it’s that pleasure should never be dull, awkward, or feel like a chore. You don’t need a drawer full of gadgets to have an amazing time. Your body already knows what it likes, and a little creativity can go a long way. Hands, pillows, shower pressure, and even a strategically placed blanket can make solo time feel brand new. If you live with others, just remember that water isn’t the only thing that needs to be quiet in the shower.
On a more serious note, if you’re struggling with past trauma, you deserve support. Flashbacks and anxiety don’t just disappear, but there are ways to take back control. Therapy, deep breathing, movement, and even a well-timed rage session at a kickboxing class can help. Healing isn’t about forgetting, it’s about finding strength in yourself again.
Masturbation should be fun, empowering, and completely free of shame. If you’re looking for permission to enjoy yourself, here it is. Find what feels good, take your time, and most importantly, have fun. If anyone questions why you suddenly need an hour-long shower, just tell them you’re deep conditioning.
6 Commonly Asked Questions To Get You Started On Your Self-Pleasure Journey
1. How can I make masturbating without sex toys feel more exciting?
Bringing excitement to solo pleasure without toys starts with engaging all your senses. Experiment with different hand movements, adjusting pressure, speed, and rhythm to see what feels best. Try stimulating multiple areas at once, such as combining clitoral and breast play or using your thighs to create pressure. Mental arousal is just as powerful as physical touch, so build anticipation by setting the mood with dim lighting, scented candles, or soft music. Erotica, audio fantasies, or visual content can help intensify pleasure. Role-playing different scenarios in your mind or teasing yourself with edging techniques can heighten arousal and lead to stronger orgasms.
2. What are some creative ways to stimulate myself without using my hands?
Hands-free stimulation can create unique sensations and make solo play feel fresh. Pillows, blankets, or soft fabrics can provide friction when pressed between your thighs or rubbed against sensitive areas. Grinding against a bed, chair, or the curve of a couch can mimic partnered movement. The shower can offer natural stimulation, as running water from a handheld showerhead can create varied pressure, while the warmth enhances relaxation. Even subtle movements, like tensing and releasing your pelvic muscles, can build arousal over time.
3. How can I practice edging without sex toys?
Edging, or bringing yourself close to orgasm and then stopping, can intensify pleasure and lead to longer, more satisfying climaxes. Without toys, focus on slowing down when you’re near the peak and taking deep breaths to regain control. Switch techniques or stimulate different areas to build excitement again without going over the edge. Repeating this cycle a few times before finally allowing release can heighten sensitivity and make orgasms feel stronger. Experimenting with different levels of restraint, such as keeping your hands still for a few moments before continuing, can also add a teasing element.
4. Are there ways to introduce kink into masturbation without toys?
Kink is all about mindset and creativity, not just accessories. Temperature play can be done with household items, using an ice cube to trace over your skin or warming your hands before touching yourself creates contrast and increases sensitivity. Light restraint, like holding your own wrists down or tying your legs together with a soft scarf, can add an element of control. Sensory deprivation, such as wearing a blindfold or listening to immersive erotic audio, can heighten focus on touch. Talking to yourself, using dirty talk or affirmations, can also create a powerful psychological effect.
5. Can I achieve stronger orgasms without using toys?
Stronger orgasms come from a mix of physical and mental arousal. Strengthening your pelvic floor with Kegel exercises can improve orgasm intensity over time. Deep breathing helps relax your body and increase oxygen flow, which enhances pleasure. Engaging in fantasy, whether through erotica or mental role-play, can make arousal feel more immersive. Experimenting with different positions, such as lying on your stomach, sitting upright, or arching your back, can change the way pressure and stimulation feel. The key is to stay patient and explore what your body responds to best.
6. How can I masturbate more discreetly when I don’t live alone?
Privacy concerns can make solo pleasure feel tricky, but quiet techniques help keep things discreet. Using slow, gentle movements instead of fast strokes can minimize noise. Placing a pillow under your hips for support allows for more controlled motion. Engaging in self-pleasure under the covers or in the shower can provide added privacy. If you’re worried about being interrupted, playing soft background noise, like a fan or relaxing music, can help mask any sounds. Finding a time when you’re least likely to be disturbed, such as late at night or during a shower, ensures a more relaxed experience.
Unlock free advice from Clinical Sexologist Dr. Stacy Friedman! Your questions may be featured in Adultsmart’s blog. Email askasexologist@gmail.com.
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