You may find that in a relationship a man hardly utters the words “I love you” even if a woman wants that assurance from him. Or she craves to hear these three words. But there are other unspoken signs of love that can mean just as much. Men do fail to understand women in the romance part. This was very true for a generation before mine.
Three Magical Words – Unspoken Signs of Love
Here is a short story about this issue. The other day there was an argument between my son and his wife. So, the reason she said it had happened was because he was not spending quality time with her and he was so busy he didn’t even notice her new dress.
And the last time he had said “I love you” to her was half a decade back, so she complained. So, the exchanging of words continued in a heated manner until it finally settled on a compromise.
Where he had to take her on a long drive, have a lunch in a downtown restaurant and finally conclude with a movie, that Sunday.
I remembered how my grandparents loved each other.
My grandparents to which my son could attribute his legacy. Whenever my grandmother was with me, she used to tell stories about how she met my grandfather and how they used to converse with each other.
These stories were in a fragmented manner. Like how she never entered his room rather she would doze off in another room. She never looked up into his face and exchanged words once in a while and that too was on rare occasions.
But whenever she said all these words, a faint smile lingered on her face and sometimes she would even blush, making her so attractive!
I wondered how this woman could love a man who always frowned
Spoke in a low voice that was almost a growl which could frighten anyone. It baffled me, how two people who had been married for 5 decades could still be so much in love with each other.
How my grandma could so clearly have this crush on my grandpa, how she could find him the most incredible man in the world. When they had shared so many years of up and downs and perhaps so many of their own flaws and differences.
How could an old woman like her light up like that, when speaking of her husband?
How could she smile and blush as though she was in her teens when she knew so much about the world and had made so many sacrifices for this person?
And I am sure he had never said “I love you” to her.
5 Things To Let Go Before Entering A Relationship
There are many unhealthy habits that people cling on to in an effort to protect themselves from sadness and pain. Some of these habits and negative thought processes have been formed as a natural response to hurtful actions, behaviours and experiences from relationships that have previously ended.
This type of emotional baggage may be sabotaging any chance of building meaningful and long lasting relationships.
Many people live their lives without confronting their emotional baggage with detriment to their personal health and well-being. Without addressing and letting go of these feelings, mistrust, ill judgement and hurt can be carried through from relationship to relationship. Not allowing one to fully give themselves to their partner or to themselves.
You Must Find the Willpower to Let Go
Finding the willpower to cease and desist, can be incredibly difficult as change unfortunately rarely happens within a day or two. This can be seen when people attempt to quit smoking or stop having that glass of wine before dinner.
People often fall into the temptation and end up kicking themselves quietly asking themselves why they made the promise. Secondly, why they were we not strong enough to keep it? What has actually happened is that people have set themselves an unrealistic expectation.
Changing negative thinking patterns can take months and years to successfully implement.
Everyone deserves the opportunity of a fresh start.
This is why breaking old habits is important. Letting go of emotional baggage will give each new relationship the chance to flourish into a romantic endeavour that may be the one that lasts the distance.
Five Negative Habits
Here are five negative habits that are often caused by emotional baggage
1. Psychological Projection
When a person has participated in a negative action or have done mistrust worthy deeds they are more likely to suspect that others will do so too. A fact that the person had deemed it ok to do to others and identified the worst in themselves will mean they are more likely to consider that others will find this action acceptable for them to do.
This will lead to them making false assumptions and even accuse their partner of doing things that they would normally never consider. These false accusations may be done defensively or negatively. But either way they will cause their partner to question why. People must ditch projecting as it will lead to no good.
A partner will not tolerate psychological projection for an extended period of time and nor should they.
2. Comparing A Current Partner To An Ex
Never compare a current partner with an ex. Whether the comparison is in a positive or negative light it should not be said! An ex may have been abusive but this is not something that a current partner will want to deal with – especially if he or she treats you right.
On the flip-side your memory may have created a diamond and you can see no wrong in your ex. Subconsciously you are still stinging over the break-up. No new partner will want to compete with your ‘perfect partner’ nor will they want to pick up the pieces from your ‘abusive relationship’.
A remedy here is so simple. Judge your new partner by how they treat you and the way you treat them. It is a two-way street. Love each other for each other, not because of some tainted memory or what Mr and Mrs Jones appear like down the road.
3. Fear Of Commitment
One of the most common forms of emotional baggage carried through into a new relationship is the fear of commitment. If you are not prepared to commit to a relationship you are giving it no chance of success.
Stay single if you are not ready to commit. It is a cruel, cruel thing to lead your new partner on when there is no intention of falling in love.
Open up your heart, if your heart is damaged from previous relationships see a therapist BEFORE you enter a new relationship. It is the only way that you may find your soul-mate and live the proverbial ‘happily ever after’.
4. Holding On To Secrets
In life there are secrets that should be kept and secrets that must be released. If a secret is a method of holding back dealing with painful past events or hiding something that will impact on your new partner. This might be like health issues, issues about faith, criminality etc. Then these should be shared in the appropriate forum. It is better to share them at the beginning of a relationship.
Allow your partner to understand and accept than later be confronted with a demon that will not allow them to fully trust you ever again. As the saying goes ‘let the truth set you free’.
If you do not open that chest of secrets you will tend to put more and more into it as time goes on. Keeping secrets will lead to you telling lies and that is not the foundation that you would wish to build a long-term relationship on.
5. Fear Of Being Cheated On
Unfortunately, most of us have either been cheated on by or cheated on someone. Being cheated on can be one of the most debilitating things that will affect your future relationships.
How do you trust your new partner when you put all your faith and trust in a person who previously crushed your heart and soul by being with someone behind your back?
It is not just about the physical factor but that they shared time together, talked as a couple whilst you waited for them patiently and lovingly at home. How can you open your heart and trust your new partner fully without having some guard up? When they are out at the office party will they betray you too?
Keep your suspicions in check!
If the ex was an ass, there is no reason to believe that your new partner is. Should they not be given the benefit of the doubt? If you are having trouble keeping your paranoia in check see a therapist to deal with these trust issues.
Different forms of emotional baggage that people hold are boundless and can be caused by a part of your upbringing, being bullied at school, church restrictions and more. If you are preparing to enter a new relationship it isyou time to let go of these hindrances
Accept your partner with open arms for who they are. This, and only this, will allow you to take it to the next level.
Working on these issues and problems will help empower people to build stable love in long term relationships.
Welcome Dr. Satish Bendigiri adultsmart expert! With a rich academic and corporate background, he passionately explores love, marriage, and growth in his articles.
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