We are pleased to feature Amory Jane as our VIP Interview of the week. She wears a number of hats including sex educator, comedian, event producer/organiser, pod-caster and variety show host. Just recently she has added a bundle of joy, Elliot, to her extremely busy life. She answered our questions, and we hope you enjoy reading her answers as much as we did!
VIP Interview Amory Jane – Educator, Podcaster, Influencer
In a recent podcast, you discussed not only the current event but also upcoming ones you planned to attend. How do you fit it all in and keep your positive outlook on life?
I recorded most podcast episodes before becoming a parent or pregnant, making it easier to attend sex-positive events. As a full-time sex educator and entertainer, hosting and attending events is vital for my career. I manage by organizing well and relying on a supportive community. They coordinate larger events, assist during them, volunteer as demo bottoms, and babysit for workshops or naps.
What does Sex Positivity mean to Amory Jane?
A sex-positive culture is one that empowers people to explore their own identities and desires with openness and self-acceptance. Sex positivity involves undoing/unlearning shame and heavily focuses on consent, as well as accurate and comprehensive sex education. To me, being sex-positive means celebrating pleasure, diversity, and viewing sex as healthy, bonding, and enjoyable.
When you say sex positive household, what are some of the memories / experiences that you have of growing up that has helped define you as to who you are today?
In my home, we never banned or treated “sex” as a dirty word, and we were encouraged to ask questions. We had age-appropriate books on puberty and sexuality, and we didn’t shame exploring our bodies; instead, we taught it as a private matter. My feminist single mother and grandma encouraged my curiosity and supported my geeky interests in understanding human nature.
You mentioned that family counselling was emotionally taxing and draining which you attribute to your shift to sex education – what are some of the negatives and positives that you experience when you’re talking about sex positivity and sexual health?
Being an empathic person has some major pros and cons. It certainly made being a counselor difficult and draining. At work, I cherished moments answering teens’ questions, discussing consent and shame with families, and aiding couples. It made my path to becoming a sex educator very clear. After seven years in this career, I’m pleased to say that I’ve had mostly positive experiences.Talking about sexual health and seeing how it can change lives is rewarding. Negatives stemmed from judgmental attitudes toward my work. Men assuming my profession equated to automatic interest in them or sex. Stereotyping can be annoying, but the joy of helping others and improving society outweighs the challenges.
What’s your go to comfort food?
Crunchy peanut butter – on toast or just eaten off of a spoon. I also really love pickles and salt + vinegar potato chips.
What’s one of the most common misconceptions regarding sex and gender do you experience from ordinary people within your line of work?
The biggest misconception I hear is probably just the idea that genitals = gender. While not true for me, many people hold confused or strong opinions on this matter. Many assume all individuals with similar genitals experience pleasure identically, but that’s false. People are different and there is no “one size fits all” approach to pleasure and sexuality.
You have run hundreds of workshops in sexual health, what’s one experience with an attendee that’s stuck with you the most, and if there’s one thing you’d like them to walk away with after a workshop what would that be?
I once had someone tell me that I was their “vagina’s angel” because of what I taught them about lubricants, so that obviously stuck with me! Chronic yeast infections and painful sex stopped after switching to a different lube, following my recommendation. After they started using a lube without any parabens, glycerin, or fragrance, everything improved.
My goal for workshop attendees is to leave feeling empowered and less ashamed. And equipped with skills or knowledge to improve their sex and love lives.
Many people often regard sex as shameful, embarrassing, and something hidden behind closed doors, where no one discusses it openly. How do you make sex education fun and accessible?
Comedy and storytelling are two tools I use that I believe set me apart as a sex educator. Humor helps people relax, have fun, and open their minds, rather than feeling nervous or guarded by shame. As for the stories, being candid and transparent makes me vulnerable, which I think folks appreciate. My personal anecdotes double as being both entertaining in an educational way and helping people feel understood and less alone.
What processes do you go through in your own sexual development and learning? It’s one thing to have researched sex education and become a leader in your field to the point where you can teach sex, sex education, but how do you keep growing and learning from that point?
I’m always learning and growing because I strive to live boldly and develop as a person. In recent years, my identity, needs, and desires have undergone significant shifts. Navigating unexpected changes, I’ve experimented with relationships and sex life, following my educational advice or seeking guidance from fellow educators. We’re all works in progress, and should continually strive to learn and become better lovers, friends, and humans.
You have a podcast called – Sex on Brain with Amory Jane which is available on iTunes and Stitcher. Which episode means the most to you, and which was the most fun?
The episode that means the most to me is actually the one I have planned to record this week, which is about polyamory and parenthood. Specifically, my polycule and I talk about the changes we’ve experienced as individuals, within our partnerships, and as a community since I gave birth in June. We also discuss how polyamory has been a blessing when it comes to being new parents, and how it has been a challenge.
The most fun I ever had recording an episode was the one called “Live from the Femme Sex Party.” You can probably guess why that is the case. 😉
On your Sex on Brain with Amory Jane podcast you often talk about people’s sex toys, as well as your own. As we’re approaching a more sex positive society – in what ways do you think sex toys could be improved and made more accessible?
I have seen the industry improve quite a bit from when I first started working at a sex toy boutique. More and more consumers care now about sex toy materials, which means more companies are making and carrying body-safe products that don’t contain phthalates. I think getting rid of harmful materials altogether is the next step toward improvement, as well as making toys that are based on actual customer and sex toy reviewer feedback. I also hope that people will continue to talk more about sex toys on blogs, and in television and movies, to finally get rid of any stigma that still remains.
You mention intimacy and the importance of touch in your of your recent podcast episodes. In a tech-driven world, do we forget relationship intimacy? If so, how can we reconnect?
Many feel touch-deprived; I believe touch is crucial. Technology isn’t the enemy; it can connect people positively. However, I do believe that intimacy is something tons of people struggle with, and always being on our phones and computers can make it even harder to be present when we’re face to face.
I would advise people to make time every week where they tuck away technology and turn in toward each other. Focus on open and vulnerable communication or interesting intellectual conversations. If you don’t know what to discuss, search online beforehand and print off or write down prompts, and then really listen to each other.
I also highly encourage non-sexual touch while talking, like holding hands or cuddling. When with someone, if sex is an option and you feel connected, exploring each other’s bodies can build intimacy.
You’ve just celebrated the recent birth of your child, what kind of things are important to you as he’s growing up and understanding and learning about sex-positivity?
We will teach and demonstrate consent from the beginning, normalize self-exploration, and answer questions honestly in age-appropriate ways. Additionally, we’ll ensure good resources are always available if the child feels shy approaching us directly. Sex-positivity and body-positivity will be modeled by everyone in the family, meaning we will not body-shame or slut-shame ourselves or others. We hope to create an environment that teaches empathy, boundaries, respect, and self-love.
Thank you Amory Jane for this very insightful and revealing interview!
Meet Stephen, a bold and opinionated cis-gendered gay advocate for gender equality and sexual education. Join him on the Adultsmart blog for fearless insights.
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