“Adultery can help save a marriage” may sound like an abhorrent statement to most of us but have you thought enough about it? Let us analyze this concept first.
You are in a happy marriage. Everything is going perfectly. But one fine day you get attracted to someone.
Deep down you know that THIS IS WRONG!
But you cannot resist the temptation when the other person is also attracted to you. And finally, what should not have happened, happens in the heat of the moment. Now what?
Are you going to come out of the marriage that you have been nurturing with your partner for so many years?
Let us face it that infidelity is never intentional and begins by a mistake. So, what happens in the “heat of the moment” should not be assumed as the real intention of a person.
Instead, infidelity can be forgivable if we understand why. Why cheat? Many people have fallen in the situation of infidelity and they have to explain why they are cheating. Let us review such situations
Adultery Can Help in Some Situations
Situation 1
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You and your partner are living in a long-distance marriage.
Both of you talk to each other in intervals. But obviously because you physically live away from each other you are missing out to fulfill your physical needs.
Most of long-distance relationships face this situation as a problem. But physical needs are a thing. Compromising on them can be tough because after all you are a human being too. Getting physically involved with someone to fulfill your physical needs should not be termed as a sin.
At the end of the day, it is all about feelings.
So, you know that at last you feel for your partner who lives several miles away from you. But you are only acquiring to quench the thirst of your physical needs at the place you are currently living. What is wrong here? Due to the absence of physical intimacy many relationships have seen partners becoming frustrated with their partner while living away.
But if you make peace with the fact that your physical needs are important too then your relationship can be saved.
Physical intimacy keeps a person stress free to a great length. So, this will also keep the couples in a long-distance relationship happy.
Situation 2
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Your marriage has started to become monotonous.
There is no spark left. Even if try to ignite something there is no effort from your partner. You have started to feel depressed in your relationship because it was not like this in the beginning.
But hey! It is not your fault if the other person does not even feel the need to ignite the spark again. You are responsible for your happiness. So, you can find the same happiness and satisfaction in an affair.
Most of the time people do not involve themselves into affairs because of the need of physical intimacy but because of the absence of genuine happiness. Infidelity here saves the marriage because ultimately you become happy and there is no room for you to complain to your partner.
Situation 3
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Your partner discovers that you are involved in an affair.
That is the situation and the third situation.Well, many times when couples discover that there is a third person involved in their marriage, it often gives them a chance to introspect. Introspection of the marriage.
What is missing and what made your partner feel that they need to find their happiness somewhere else?
Infidelity saves marriage by giving couples a chance to work on the things between them that would again help them live in a happy marriage.
Using Escorts
If you are skeptical about getting into an affair and catching emotions for someone else, other than your partner then you can hire escorts. The ‘escort’ concept is quite sorted because they do not give you any encouragement to develop feelings for them. Their main motive is to make you feel happy and appreciated. They are pretty amazing in their job.
You just have to hire them and then all you need to do is enjoy their services. All the escorts are very well versed with their job and you will have a great time with them.
Coming back to the point of adultery.
Many researchers and sociologists have studied the changing patterns of marriage. Studies do suggest that it is very natural for human beings to feel a sense of monotony in a relationship after sometime. If this monotony does not break then it makes people look for happiness somewhere else.
Physical intimacy equally is a very important factor in a marriage. It is something that couples must explore in their marriage in some way. Infidelity that is usually believed to kill a relationship should be seen with a perspective to renew a marriage. It provides opportunities to discover the weak points of marriage and start afresh.
Adultery, if seen from a positive perspective, does help to save your marriage. It either helps to re-unite both of you as couples. Or it can help both of you to stay happy in a marriage without bearing the need to make each other happy. In today’s world, ever individual is quite ambitious and so people do not take out time for each other.
Modern problems need modern solutions.
If adultery is seen from a different perspective, then it does help couples to figure out a lot of things in their marriage.
You can be thousand miles away from your loved one but feel irresistible about your physical needs. You are a human being too and so you need to find someone to make you feel happy. There is nothing wrong in it. You must be able to look at both the sides of adultery.
It is no less than a relief and thus, it does help in saving a marriage. It teaches you a lot and improves your relationship as well.
Rethinking Infidelity In Loving Relationships
I came across a recent news article detailing a woman who had put out a Reddit post asking readers whether her husband cheating on her was warranted.
She explained that they had a dwindling sex life for the year leading up to him cheating, this on top of already mismatched sex drives..
Majority of the comments were swaying on the side of “Leave the bas**rd” and “Cheating is never ok.” It is blatantly obvious that many in society see cheating as an inexcusable and unforgiveable act. And it got me thinking about how couples come to know what cheating means for them.
Cheating and monogamous relationships: What does that mean for each individual?
From my experience, it seems it is rarely a conversation that people entering into a relationship have with one another. With many assumptions made in regards to what qualifies cheating in a loving monogamous relationship.
It is only when unspoken boundaries are crossed and people feel betrayed that these conversations are had. And even then, sometimes people cannot get past the betrayal so they may not even have the conversation.
I am curious as to how realistic or right it is to make such drastic decisions. Such as divorcing or separating from your partner when they have cheated if you never communicated to them what is and is not acceptable behaviour for you.
Would much of the pain and heartbreak caused by cheating be avoided if the conversation was had early on in a relationship?
Could understanding the values and boundaries of your partner from the very start mean that feelings are not hurt from doing something that seems acceptable to you but isn’t to them? And could starting these kinds of conversations early on lead to ongoing healthy communication through the entirety of the relationship meaning cheating is less likely to occur?
Monogamy and, more specifically, cheating is a uniquely fluid concept for each person. With some acts considered acceptable for some while for others they would feel betrayed.
Some people consider messaging an old boyfriend or girlfriend for a coffee catch up cheating. While others may feel this is perfectly ok yet will see their partner is watching porn as a betrayal.
Every relationship is different, with the boundaries of each individual in a monogamous relationship unique.
I believe that for it to work, monogamy needs to be a conscious choice.
Today in western culture, monogamy seems to be the default relationship style for the vast majority of people. The problem with this is that these monogamous relationships are usually entered into from an unconscious place. ]
There is often no questioning of what monogamy actually means for each person or why the relationship is monogamous, in fact most people are not even aware that there exist other possibilities.
I don’t believe that monogamy is bad or unhealthy in any way
Quite the opposite in fact. I see monogamy as one relationship style that can be amazing for certain people when done with awareness. Monogamy is a beautiful commitment that can be made between two people however does not necessarily suit every person.
Monogamy can be unrealistic for certain people
Especially if approached in a way that puts a weight of expectations on them to be our everything. One of my favourite professionals in the field of relationships and sex, Esther Perel, said it perfectly when she described the pressure people put on their partner in monogamous relationships;
“Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?”
Expecting the person we are in relationship with to be our everything can be a huge and unrealistic ask. I see the need for this to change if monogamy is to work for people.
Monogamy in a Healthy Way
In order to do monogamy in a healthy way, I believe it is beneficial for couples to have an open conversation about what that means for each of them. And what cheating means for each of them.
Before entering into a committed relationship with someone, you want to know that you both share the same values and morals right?
You may want to ask questions related to possible outcomes such as “would you feel betrayed if I contacted my ex-partner?”, “how would it be for you if I went out with a male friend for lunch?”, “are you comfortable with me watching pornography when you are not home?” Or simply “what does monogamy mean to you?”
These conversations are really important to have as it helps avoid potential pain and heartbreak in the future. Communication is key in any relationship no matter what the dynamic is so starting a new one with open, authentic and honest communication can make a world of difference.
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