Being A Slut
Slut is a profoundly polluted word carrying judgements of shame, fear and disgust. Being a slut is generally looked down upon, but we are here to accept our sexuality and live proudly. Even writing about embracing it feels like an incredibly edgy place for me. What must people think of someone who claims this aspect of themselves? Even today where sex sells and explicit pornographic material is one click away, the shame around sexuality is still rampant and no other archetype is judged more harshly than the slut.
My inner slut is an aspect of myself which has carried much shame over the years partly because of beliefs around this part of me being unacceptable and unlovable. Until I consciously began exploring the darker aspects of my sexuality, a slut to me was connected to sexual promiscuity, recklessness and drama. Being called a slut is in many cases intended to shame, humiliate and condemn a woman for her sexuality or sexual behaviors. Being a slut had connotations with being destructive hence my reluctance to even acknowledge let alone own this part of myself once upon a time.
Defining What Being a Slut Means
Slut – A Woman who has too many casual partners
In a positive context, the term “slut” can be re-appropriated as a symbol of empowerment, representing a person who owns their sexuality without shame or guilt. This perspective celebrates sexual autonomy and the freedom to make personal choices about one’s sexual activities without facing societal judgment or stigma. It underscores confidence, self-acceptance, and the rejection of traditional norms that dictate sexual behavior, particularly for women.
When parts of ourselves are shunned and ignored, they end up having a power over us regardless of whether we are aware of it or not. A slut in the shadows can be destructive and manipulative, using her sexual energy for unhealthy and damaging motives. An unconscious slut can be reckless towards others, leaving behind heartbreak and pain in her pursuit to fulfil her needs.
The Unhealthy Seductress
She can come about as the unhealthy seductress-luring men in with her looks and charm, sucking the life force out of them to feed her, leaving them drained and depleted. You may have seen it before-the burnt-out man clutching at his seemingly “sexy” woman, appearing like a walking zombie as she radiates life force. In this scenario, she manipulates the men/man in her life to fill her up and make her feel good about herself, leaving him less than energized but unable to stop going back for more.
The Unconscious Slut
An unconscious slut can also come about as the woman seeking outside herself for validation of her worthiness. Being sexual with men to feel “loved”, consistently crossing her boundaries and disrespecting herself in the hope that she will feel good enough one day. This path of expressing her sexuality in unconscious ways can lead to a great deal of pain and self-harm.
Embracing female sexual empowerment involves recognizing one’s worth and desires without seeking external validation. This journey of self-acceptance enhances confidence and fosters a deep-seated sense of personal fulfillment. By valuing their inner voice, women can cultivate a powerful, self-affirming approach to their sexuality.
Acknowledging The Slut Within Us All
Calling a woman a slut has been intended to insult in the past however there are many women who will proudly own this part of themselves because they understand the truth of what it means. When the slut inside us can be acknowledged, owned and loved, she can be a beautiful aspect of ourselves to embody.
The Empowered Slut
An empowered slut is a woman confident in herself as a sexual being. She understands the power of her sexual energy and uses it in a way that brings about a more joyful, pleasurable and abundant existence for herself and others. An empowered slut is loving and authentic, carrying good intentions for the expression of her sexuality. She directs her sexual energy with consciousness and awareness and embraces pleasure as her birth right.
My empowered slut comes alive for love and pleasure. She is generous with sharing herself with others and desires nothing more than to love the whole world in any way she can. My inner slut does not accept the social norm of needing to contain and stifle sexuality. She has made a point of being open with sex and invites others to do the same. Touch is her language and with full consent and respect, she desires to touch and be touched by others.
My empowered slut is able to feel safe expressing herself because I have done much work on developing healthy boundaries. I believe boundaries and respect to self and others is key to healthily expressing this archetype. Once we know what is and isn’t ok with ourselves, we can communicate that clearly leaving so much freedom to explore our sexuality in a safe and positive way. When your boundaries are clear, you can be sexual with 1, 10 or 100 people and have it be done from a loving and joyful place rather than destructive or harmful.
Being A Slut – Empowerment Through Self-Discovery
Female sex toys play a crucial role in fostering sexual empowerment by allowing women to explore their desires and boundaries in a safe and private environment. By experimenting with different toys, women can discover what they enjoy, which boosts confidence and self-awareness. This exploration can be incredibly liberating, as it encourages women to take ownership of their sexual pleasure and embrace their “slut” side without shame or judgment. Moreover, these tools can help break down societal taboos surrounding female sexuality, promoting a more open dialogue about sexual needs and preferences. Ultimately, using sex toys can be a transformative experience that empowers women to fully embrace and express their sexuality.
Being A Slut – Acceptance
A powerful shift occurs when we are able to come to a place of acceptance of those parts of ourselves we have kept in the dark. When we can acknowledge, own and eventually love these darker parts of ourselves, we gain back our power and freedom. It is from this place that we can healthily explore the slut archetype within, which is incredibly fun and pleasurable. Embodying the slut archetype with ourselves, a partner or lover is a beautiful experience when done with full awareness. It could be the first step to understanding your sexual personality.
Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist
Rating the Sexuality of Bridgerton
When lock down was extended and with a huge collection of assignments calling my name, I ventured back to some of my best loved Netflix hits. And of course one of them just happened to be Bridgerton. There were some parts that I took issue with too, but I felt like it was a good show that opened up an array of healthy conversation about the sexuality of Bridgerton as a whole; good and bad. This is always a positive as far as I am concerned.
I did indeed love this series when it first appeared on Netflix. For many reasons; I love period dramas and this one was a fresh spin on the genre. It was colourful, it was sassy,it was scandalous and the music score was sensational!
Also- the sexual tension was amazing.
Bridgerton was a most anticipated show during COVID and it lived up to the hype. What I really liked about it however was the way it addressed sexual encounters and scandals in it. I am hoping by now you have all watched it because there will be many spoilers in this.
The Sexuality of Bridgerton
Masturbation
A scandalous intrigue indeed that the Main character Simon indulges Daphne when she asks him about pleasure. When she doesn’t understand Simon candidly tells her “When you are alone, you may touch yourself. Down there.”
Basically gives her a very Regency Era-esque run down of the basics of a masturbation. Of course Daphne is both shocked and stunned and a little bit fascinated by this. Simon is- amused. So later on, Daphne indeed tries, she fantasises about Simon touching her, removing a glove, kissing her and it is insinuated that she orgasms.
There are many websites, articles and chat rooms that will argue “Oh impossible-the fastest orgasm for a first timer” or “She would not have cum that quickly her first time” haters gonna hate.
Discovering masturbation for the first time
I see someone who is discovering self pleasure for the first time and enjoying herself. And it is good and satisfying. I often advocate that sex, masturbation even self pleasure should not have the end goal of an orgasm. So I loved this scene.
For the die hard literary/film buffs who like seeing the attention to detail. Also I really enjoyed the use of symbolism that she had the white rose next to the bed symbolising purity blooming as she finds her pleasure.
We get another positive view of masturbation on Simon and Daphne’s wedding night where the two talk about when she did masturbate. Simon asks her what she thought about, not only that, but he asks her to show him how she touched herself.
I am a big fan of mutual masturbation so this was sensational to see in the screenplay! Top marks.
Sex as Pleasure
Before I go down the dark road of casting negatives on this amazing series, lets talk about the pleasure.
The sex scenes in Bridgerton I found were sublime and not simply about finishing or orgasm. It was nice to see a show that took into consideration that sex is not all about the end orgasm. Instead they focussed on the pleasure felt by both parties in their detailed montages.
Simon Going Down on Daphne
Even the scene on the stairs with the delectable display of cunnilingus, which focuses on Simon bringing Daphne to riveting throws of bliss. This focuses on her pleasure.
Yes it is a scene that ultimately Simon does not wish to continue because he is mad at her, but cannot resist her, he still brings her pleasure.
Attention is also given to asking what the other likes, what pleases them. I think this is beautiful because it is not often drawn attention to in sex scenes or romances where couples can ask their partners what the other likes.
They don’t need to instinctively know or be the best straight off the bat, it should be normalised to ask what the other person likes. It is afterall, the quickest and best way to find out how to please your partner.
The Pull Out Method
SIGH
Simon tells Daphne he cannot have children in an effort to derail her from marrying him. It is more the point that he refuses to have children to spite his dead father and end his family line with himself.
Daphne, who has not been told how babies are made, and how a man reaches orgasm and his sperm through ejaculation is what impregnates an egg and that is how babies are made (at least in the Regency Era). She doesn’t know this.
So Simon – who by the way is labelled a RAKE meaning that he is a notorious womaniser and has slept with many many woman in his life – has sex with Daphne (and these other women). He pulls out before he orgasms and ejaculates beside her, in a cloth or somewhere that is not inside her womb.
Pause for dramatic effect and eye rolling.
The pull out method is not a great birth control method. It is approximately 78% effective, 22 in every 100 women still get pregnant. Let’s break that down further approximately 1 in 5 women still get pregnant using the Pull Out Method. Why?
Because pre-cum can still carry impregnating material, because even pulling out, some swimmers might swim out a little early before the majority of the load. Let us not even get started with how much more fertile people were back in the Regency Period.
Daphne was a Debutante – historically that would make her roughly 16years old give or take. Lets just say- very fertile.
Consent
Ah yes- The controversial consent scene.
Daphne puts a few things together and interrogates her lady’s maid about how sex is supposed to go and how babies are made and relaises the error in the Duke’s semantics.
Instead of confronting him about it, she seduces him, rides him and they have amazing all passionate sex which looks amazing until Simon says “Stop.” and Daphne does not and rides him until he orgasms inside her. At which point, she hops off, he looks at her shocked, betrayed and accuses her “what have you done?”
There is a lot of controversy online and in person about this scene
Some people seem to think that because Simon lied to Daphne she had a right, others feel that differently. Simon should NOT have lied to Daphne. Very true. Daphne should NOT have kept going once Simon said stop. That was forcing his hand (penis) and his wishes past a point that he was comfortable.
As an effect, this distances them from each other, puts up walls and creates animosity. Trust was broken on both sides, and no one can tell me differently. It was handled very poorly.
Sex Parties
I loved this so much.
Several sex parties made it into the series and not only that, but it was discussed with one of the other characters whose wife had been one of the consensual participants of the Bridgerton’s escapade.
So not only were sex parties openly discusses but so too was non monogamy as an option for the couples of the era. Building on this discussion, the two male characters were in discussions and the husband was open in his insinuations of being bisexual and polyamoruous.
He was in love with another man and his wife was aware and guarded his secret. I thought this was amazing and I loved it and I loved that it was addressed as an alternative way of living for the Bridgerton brother.
Gender Identities
Two of the Bridgerton siblings frequently have the discussion in passing how it is unfair of what is expected of them based on their gender and sometimes even their birth order.
They don’t get to explore this too much, but there is a second season so maybe we will get to see that play out. But the fact that they even discuss it is enough for me.
I am grateful to see these kinds of conversations just because it shows a variety of different perspectives of people and ensures that viewers are made in a way that not everybody needs to think the same.
I enjoyed that Eloise very vocally stood up for her views at every point in that she didn’t want to be like her sister, she didn’t want to “come out” into society and would often say “if I were a man” because she would not have had the expectation of coming out into society as a debutante and finding a husband.
Her Best friend Penelope criticised her at one point, rebuffing her by saying that she did not have the luxury of thinking like that.
Bridgerton: Love it or Hate It?
Say what you will, whether you loved it or hated it, Bridgerton is a whimsical smutty delight. I am looking forward to seeing how it inspires season 2.
Explore Stephanie Curtis’s profound insights! A caring sexologist, she delves into spirituality, tantra with professional, articulate, interesting articles.
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