Why Do Wives Cheat On Their Husbands?

After the advent of globalisation,  and the deluge of information technology and its 24/7 availability at your doorstep with Tinder and such applications easily accessible,  the rate of married women having been unfaithful to their husbands has increased many folds.  It seems that more women than ever are cheating, the fact you can be sure when you become a part of the  women gossip clubs. It is really interesting to see when women  admit that they are cheating — and what  motivates them to do so throws light on what is happening inside marriages to shift it to a state of adultery.

These questions first occurred to me not long ago when I  found some of my lady colleagues in the educational field having their computer history showing visits to porn sites. Of course this didn’t mean they were unfaithful but  visual stimuli begets lust and may lead to an exploration into the domain of  one of the seven sins. After some days  it began to dawn that few particular man woman pair ( and there were many ) would make a request for attending a  symposium or a paper presentations or a seminar of two to three days, outside the state. Later on,  the reports of their romp here and there and actual absence on the day of seminar used to trickle down in the form of reports. I  began to wonder how many of my lady colleagues were actually faithful to their husbands, who, in majority  were working for  information technology sector having on-site projects. From a distance, the wives seemed happy as they talked about their husband’s foreign assignments,  family work, like doing class/homework of their  kids,  attending parent/teacher meetings, home loan,  car loan,  taking care of their in-laws,  festival celebrations and  discussion  about busy social life. They never showed they were angry, unfulfilled or resentful, if they felt so. Yes, they never spoke favourable about their in-laws, especially about their mother-in-laws.

Then one day, my coordinator whose wife was also a faculty, told me that  one of her lady colleagues confided in her that  she was  having an affair  with her head of department over last five years.  One lady professor  was having with her male colleague whereas another woman  had it with her  project guide. One  had such a long history of sexting and indecent emails that one whole laptop’s hard disk was full of such obscenity.

 Over the time I  understood that the picture was same everywhere  irrespective of the organisation and sector one worked. It was more rampant if not less in call centres and ITES.   It was there in the housing societies, apartments, skyscrapers, townships, throughout cities, metros and mega cities. Coming back to my organisation, surprisingly many women were  nonchalant in describing their extramarital sides.  It’s not that they didn’t love  their husbands, but they had a feeling that their emotional, psychological and physical  (sexual) needs  were not being given importance inside the marriage.   The women in their late thirties or the millennials  especially, were of the opinion that the age long institution of marriage was an experience of oppression, suppression and was suffocating them. Being unfaithful was a kind of dissent against this institution. The earlier generation abided by the sanctity of this culture although there were skirmishes and quarrels and  the matters were either settled amicably or legally  by way of divorce and alimony but now, the smartphone generation was smarter as they were unwilling to abandon the marriages and families they had  built over the years thereby avoiding the  stigma of  being a  divorcee and of subsequent complexity by being into adultery.

 Which factors were  leading the women into infidelity was a matter totally different but it was sure that it was not an escape from a mismatch or a miserable union. All marriages were functioning well, they seemingly loved each other, worked to raise the children and went once in a month for an outing and for a vacation at exotic places once in a year. But at the same time they found married life as monotonous,boring and repeating, sort of a déjà vu. Some women felt they were doing proportionately more work than their husbands. The labour they put was unproductive and the gender specific role was a deterrent for happiness. Some opined that their husbands were competent adults outside but were another child to look after when in home. Division of labor  was unequal some said.  The house hold chorus made matters worse.The cultural beliefs which were  fruitless  hang on  for centuries did more harm than good. When looking after a kid husbands seemed to be very least of a contributor. In many cases maintaining cordial relationship with relatives and with kith and kin was a sole responsibility of a woman and husbands were homebodies instead of somebodies.

Balancing the work-life concept was too difficult to handle and under such conditions, conversation leading to own sexual desire was dead.   Slow but steady emotional breakdown was a result of lack of physical intimacy  in the marriage.   Husbands performed as though they were acting in a porn film. They were rough and didn’t  care about woman’s orgasm. Some     didn’t even knew the basics of physical intimacy. Some men smelled in the bedroom without giving a damn about personal hygiene.  Women are psychologically upset when they lack sex as it leads to self doubts,which leads to a feeling of being inadequate.Besides men as such were unaware of female biology. They didn’t know menstrual cycle and it’s psychological impact.

The question then arises as to why marry if the outcome is disappointment? Many said that they were thrilled to be known and introduced as someone’s wife. The relationship between two families made the extended circle of relatives and friends. It was a bond, a security, a respect amongst the social circle, the chance to experience motherhood and an enjoyment in raising the children and meeting commitments. For some it happened and for many it didn’t. For few it happened in a fragmented manner.

It is too early to say that the institution of marriage will be shattered. Marriages will happen,  husbands and wives nomenclature will be there, there will be extended families, but love  will  just be a tattoo on the skin,  companionship will just be a quote, happiness will be a myth, being fake will be a new lifestyle, lying and infidelity  will be the new truth because ADULTERY IS NOT A CRIME anymore.

PS – The above article is my personal observation and opinion. Readers are free to agree to disagree.