Newcomers to BDSM often struggle to find a daddy dom or mistress. This article about my experiences should make locating one easier.
“What? I’m supposed to start off slow in the BDSM lifestyle…”
This is the question that I asked myself after diving headlong in to the deep end of the proverbial BDSM pool. I’m sure that there would have been less shocking and more nurturing ways to ease myself in to the kind of level that I started on, where my limits that I thought were rock solid, became rather fluid and the lines of what I was and wasn’t willing to do became blurred. I’ll start at the beginning to give you a better idea of where I was and where I am now.
After a sudden break up late last year, I ventured once again, into the judgmental world of Tinder. Not expecting much this time around, but I thought it might be good for some laughs. After a few weeks of messaging and flirty phone calls, I took the leap and arranged a ‘date’ with a man who I thought may be strong enough to fulfil my newly found need to be dominated; alas this was not the case. Pre-breakup, I possibly would have been satisfied with a bit of rough, but fairly vanilla play. Apparently, this was not the case anymore.
I still vividly remember the lightbulb moment that occurred during my first session with a Dom and how the submissive experience freed me from all of the social constraints that I was hiding behind. It left me feeling fulfilled and I knew then, that was what had been missing from my sexual experience. The feeling of the blindfold blocking my sight, the collar restricting my movement and the feeling of handing over control to another person put me in to a state of a complete and fulfilling calm that I had never felt before.
Meeting My Daddy Dom
Fast forward a few weeks of fruitless Tinder matches and an introduction to KiK Messenger, along came Mr. K and Mr. V, neither of which have anything about being Dom in nature, on their profiles, but both of which I seem to be intrinsically drawn to. After short pleasantries and ‘getting to know you’ conversations, we move the interaction across to KiK Messenger.
For those unfamiliar, the Tinder app is somewhat limiting; you can’t send pictures or live chat. Since I avoid giving out my phone number or email until I’ve met someone and confirmed they’re not a creepy stalker, KiK Messenger works well for me.
So, both Mr. V and Mr. K made their preferences very clear as soon as we switched platforms, apparently my profile picture on KiK screams ‘I’m submissive!’, the conversation back and forth with Mr. K escalated quickly and a few days later I was on my way to meet him for our first session. For safety reasons, when meeting with someone new, I’ll always let a friend know where I am. Within a certain timeframe I also have them call for a safety check . Little did I know that I was about to experience my very first true submissive experience.
Since we had discussed limits and the scene’s plan, there was little conversation when I arrived. It was straight in to the scene. Mr. K did have me confirm that ‘No, means no’, which I found reassuring. I was blindsided by his borderline sadist style, and surprisingly, I enjoyed it a lot.
Being spanked hard until my arse was an angry shade of red, gagging so much that I had tears running down my cheeks and being used as a fuck toy, these were all new experiences. Once the scene was over and our clothing was back on, we spent time just getting to know each other and discussing the session.
Exploring My Limits
Soon after Mr. K, I had my first and only session with Mr. V, who has a completely different style and thus led to a different experience. For me, the intimacy aspects of Mr. V’s play made me uncomfortable and it took me longer to get in to the scene than it did with Mr. K. I’ve always struggled with intimacy, particularly with making eye contact and expressing love. I just find it uncomfortable.
This session pushed the boundaries of my limits. It was a mixture of age play, degradation and orgasm denial. All of which, again was new to me. I never thought that I would enjoy being spat on in a scene (spit still grosses me out in everyday life), but surprise, it added to the intensity of the scene. There was not much in the way of aftercare with Mr. V, I just hadn’t left enough time for aftercare. I was meeting a friend after our session, but we have kept in contact since he returned to the US.
Somewhere between session 2 and session 3 with Mr. K, he introduced me to FetLife and Whiplr, both specific sites and apps for those in the kink community. That’s where the fun really began! I almost felt like a virgin again. Actually a more accurate description would be that I really felt like ‘fresh meat’. It was such an eye opening experience. In my first week on the site and app, I relied on Urban Dictionary more than ever before.
It was on FetLife that I found a link to a kink based personality test www.bdsmtest.org which I thought was going to be great for a laugh at how ambiguous the profile analysis was, but it turns out that the results are pretty true to my personality and preferences. The site allows you to take the test in several forms: Dominant Questions Only; Submissive Questions Only; Full Test Questions. Since I felt I had no dominance in my personality, I chose to take only the submissive questions.
Like I said, I wasn’t expecting any life changing revelations hidden in my results. It was partially true, but I found the detailed explanations of each result very interesting. I would really encourage everyone to take the test, for most, the results are a real eye opener.
Find A Daddy Dom
My results, combined with my FetLife profile, led to me finding a Daddy Dom who is helping me to find my limits in a more controlled way. The further I got in to the kink community, the more I felt that it was necessary for me to take a step back, go back to the starting point that I skipped over at the start of my journey an solidify my limits to make further exploration and play safer in the long run.
In our last catch up, Mr.K and I were talking about how far I had come in the 5 weeks since we had met. So much so, that he was unaware that I had little to no experience when we started, which I was pretty sure that I had disclosed before our initial meeting. This brought home how important communication is between play/life partners so that lines are not crossed or misunderstood and how swiftly miscommunication can lead to a potentially dangerous situation especially with the use of of BDSM sex toys and gear like whips and crops.
All of which has led to me embracing my sexuality, being a more confident person, becoming a part of the Adultsmart family and sharing my learning experiences with the wider community.
Author: Mia is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
Jennifer is a marketer at Adultsmart! Embracing a non-judgmental stance, she believes in pleasure without limits—if it feels good and right, why not?
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