In the kink world of BDSM there are a lot of different types of play. Different scenes which couples like to play for their own personal reasons. These can be very light sensual scenes like a light flogging, or a blindfold to heighten the other senses, to very hard core primal play, torture or a rape scene.
Whichever scene is played, it is ALWAYS consensual.
The couple discusses the scene thoroughly before any kind of play begins. Discussing any hard limits, making sure safe-words are understood and are in place.
Hard play is usually done by couples who have played previously and have established a certain degree of trust between them.
Certain Scenes Can Help With Past Traumatic Experiences
Talking to many other members of the FetLife community and reading many blogs written by Doms and subs.
A need to play out certain scenes have helped some people overcome traumatic past experiences that they have endured.
Not all people in the BDSM community are victims of rape or abuse. I’m referring to a select group.
Being a rape victim myself, I found that my kink world has helped me incredibly.
When a person is raped or experiences sexual assault, everything pure and good inside them has been stripped from deep within their soul. The healing process is often non-existent.
That person has died internally and will never be the same ever again.
It’s hard to talk about because you know most people – as much as they try to – won’t understand. And don’t feel comfortable talking about it. So, you carry it inside your heart and let it eat away.
Time goes by. Weeks suddenly become years.
Then one day, you realise that you just can’t carry the load anymore and you’re cracking under the pressure.
I chose to deal with it rather than let it weigh me down any longer. So, I did what every other person does to cope – started going to therapy.
Although that helped a great deal in finally opening up with the events that took place. I still wasn’t able to release the anger and rage I was feeling inside.
After a few years of researching because of my restless soul, I stumbled on BDSM.
I threw myself into reading…..reading lots and lots.
Wanted to understand why anyone would do that willingly?! It didn’t make sense to me having experienced it in real life! I had to find out what it was that was so appealing!
So after six long years of my own research, I had decided it was time to face my most dreaded fears and dive into this “dark world”. I had decided to become a sub.
When I was asked by a Dom who was mentoring me what type of scene I had in mind as a first time, my immediate response was “a Rape Scene“!
That was what I most dreaded and it was what I had to overcome. So off I went onto my journey.
I gave my Dom consent for our rape scene.
So, I was terrified and I do trust my mentor very much. I trust him with my life and I mean that literally. But I was still a nervous wreck nevertheless.
I was trembling and my heart rate was extremely high. He took care of me and he was an excellent mentor. Very experienced which is just what I needed. During play, tears became uncontrollable.
I was mentally and emotionally re-living the rape scenes of my past. Scary things. Things I wanted to forget, but I knew I was safe.
I was prepared to be hurt (physically), but knew that I could not be harmed.
When our Rape Scene had finished, he held me.
Held me till I was nice and calm. We talked about how I felt during the different stages of our rape scene. I was actually feeling quite proud of myself because I had come out feeling very empowered.
While I may have put myself in a “rape scene”, I had done so willingly. It felt so different to being helplessly forced, beaten and abused.
He was caring for me and he was holding me till I was happy.
My dom made sure I was doing OK throughout the scene.
I felt stronger and I felt like I was gaining back the control in my life that others had taken away from me so many years ago.
Thanking him, I walked away replaying every moment. He called me for the next three days to check up on me and to make sure I was well.
Comparing the two realities I had a revelation. This was in my hands. I was able to release and I was taking back my power. Building strength. Knowing that I could handle anything and everything.
I guess it’s different for every person.
It’s not for everybody. But we all must find ways to somehow overcome our fears and strengthen our minds.
It’s all about the power of the mind. If you allow it to get to you, then it will. For 20 years I had let it get to me, control me, take over my world. I think that was long enough!
Now I can walk proudly because of who I am today! Those bastards were no longer in control. It was all about me now! Me, Me, ME!
A Happy Me this time.
About the Author: Sofie is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
Enter Andrew Pullen BDSM world of Fet Lifestyle, BDSM, and expert Shibari insights. Explore his descriptive and educational articles at Adultsmart.
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