Would you believe me if I told you that you can be in a relationship and have your absolute freedom? Relationship freedom; I know that it may sound too good to be true for many of you. I have to admit that even I am coming to terms with the fact that the two can coexist.
What exactly do I mean when I speak of freedom? I’m not talking about that kind of free love, do whatever you want, fuck whoever you want kind of attitude that sees destructive behaviors normalized and people hurt.
When I say freedom, I mean living life on your own terms. Working towards those things that are really important to you whilst being loving and respectful towards your partner.
Relationship Freedom Might be Hard to Believe for Some
I completely empathise with those who cannot fathom the possibility of freedom in relationships. At times I feel somewhat of a conflict between living as a sovereign being who is whole and complete on her own and being in a loving relationship.
Figuring out how the two can coexist can be a struggle.
It seems that I become stuck in old patterns of thought at times as I attempt to make way for a new reality where absolute freedom goes hand in hand with the connection with my partner.
“Do I really deserve to have both?” I often ask myself.
What I have come to know throughout my life up until recently is that freedom & relationship do not go together.
Being in an intimate relationship in the past has meant sacrifice and giving up on those things I deeply desire. My only reference of what relationship meant growing up and in my previous relationship was one where constant compromise was seemingly necessary in order to “sustain” the relationship.
There exists an idea of compromise and sacrifice when it comes to our intimate relationships. That to be in a loving relationship means we must relinquish certain things in our life for the other person. There are many secrets to better personal relationships.
I really want to clarify the ideas of “compromise” and “making sacrifices” in relationships
As I believe them to be destructive when taken the wrong way.
I don’t believe that we can go around in our life & in any of our relationships doing whatever the hell we want with little regard for others. Showing compassion and respect to others is vital if we’re to develop and sustain any relationships. With that in mind I don’t feel that we need to compromise on the big things that really matter to us.
Our values and morals must be followed if we are to live with integrity. Our own unique path in life should not be neglected or compromised because we choose to spend it with another person.
Re-Evaluating My Idea of Relationship Freedom
Being in a relationship with a man over the last year who encourages me to live my life as I desire has caused me to re-evaluate my idea of freedom in a relationship.
I am lovingly supported to follow my own path. Which can often conflict with my old belief that singledom is the only time when I can live my absolute truth. My recent celibacy journey has deeply changed the person I have come to know as me.
This means that right now I am attempting to get to know who I am and what I want from my life.
Self-inquiry like this is challenging at times
But I know it to be crucial for growth and expansion in all areas of my life.
My previous patterns of thought would have me believe that I need to be single at this time to figure all of this out for myself. When in fact I am actually called to do this whilst being in relationship with another.
If I thought deep inner work was hard when I was single, being in a relationship trying to figure out “who the hell I am” is next level!! Having my freedom has meant taking a whole heap of space for myself and not being as available to my partner emotionally or physically.
Freedom can look so different for every individual.
It can mean having a non-monogamous relationship, being celibate, choosing to spend a week away on your own. Or simply choosing to do your own thing in life while your partner does theirs’s.
Freedom in relationship is only possible if you’re are willing and able to communicate your needs and desires clearly. I highly recommend having the conversations that may feel uncomfortable. As opposed to supressing what you need until you reach breaking point.
Where in your relationship are you sacrificing your freedom for another?
How can you open yourself up to the reality that freedom and a beautiful relationship coexist? Can you come to believe that you never have to compromise on the big things in life in order to be with another person?
DIGNITY: Power, People, Respect!
It is in times of crisis or hardship that the true colors of an individual are shown. So, it is easy to crumble and blame, vent or even surrender. But those that step up and act with honesty and decorum are those that we admire the most.
When the odds are stacked against, people with dignity tap into some universal source of power that enables them to perform above and beyond that of normal people. Inspiring those around them to support and respect them.
Dignity is an attribute lacking in many modern day politicians
They believe the only way up is to sling mud around them in order for them to rise the ranks. In other words to not only take advantage of but create misfortune for other people for their own personal gain.
There are too few ‘honest’ politicians out there that ‘do’ rather than say. Regardless of what people thought about him I believe our former Prime Minister Tony Abbot was one such person.
Dignity requires one to circumvent the daily squabbles
And get on with the job. Find other people that are leading their lives not for their own selfish fulfillment but for the betterment of others, regardless of what consequences may arise because of it.
Look at Nelson Mandela – now there is the perfect example of living with dignity above and beyond what 99.9% of us can.
In adversary how do you handle yourself?
Do you break down and cry? Do you blame someone else? Do you try and sabotage? These are common reactions but undignified. Those with a lack of self-esteem tend to get angry, and in order to feel better will denigrate another.
Imagine having billions of dollars but giving away more than you earn? Bill Gates one of the world’s wealthiest men has in his philanthropist ways. He has given away his personal current worth many times over and has numerous charity trusts and projects.
He also will not be leaving all his remaining money to his kids. Obviously setting them up but his outlook is that no one person deserves such wealth. He has openly said that although he has paid every tax dollar he owed believes he should have paid more to contribute to society and people.
Could you be that dignified?
Each day dignity is being redefined in actions by every day people. The smallest act of dignity can have a rippling effect through family, community, government and even the world. Being aware and compassion are side attributes of dignity.
I choose to live the most dignified life I can. Will you?
Explore Stephanie Curtis’s profound insights! A caring sexologist, she delves into spirituality, tantra with professional, articulate, interesting articles.
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