A sex slave is just one particular role in the kink scene. Every person identifies to a one. Some people in the BDSM community identify with more roles than one. Not everyone who is a sub behaves in the same way. In fact, every sub is different, every masochist is different, and every slave is different, and so on.
What Exactly Is A Submissive?
A Submissive is a person, male or female, who enjoys submitting to a dominant partner. Submissives have personal rights and limits that the dominant partner must follow. They can voice their opinions respectfully and they have safe words. This limits what they will and will not do. Submissive people can be owned or free, according to what they want.
If they are owned they still have choices.
A Masochist is a person, male or female, who enjoys receiving pain. A little more like a free player, but can also be Submissive. They can also voice opinions, hard limits and rules. Safe words are also used and they can be with a permanent play partner or play with different partners whenever they like. If they wish to, they can be owned too.
Again, they also have choices.
What is a Sex Slave?
A Slave is a person, male or female, who once commits to their Master or Mistress. They give up all rights to that person. They have no say in anything, no safe words,unless their owner allows them to use one. Depending on what they have previously discussed, every move requires permission.
A slave has no rights and must obey his/her Master/Mistress.
When I started in the kink scene, I identified as a Submissive. I found being a submissive very challenging. When I first started exploring my submissive side, it definitely made me feel – empowered and excited, but also a little restless. I knew something was missing, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
As I pushed my boundaries and try new things, I wanted even more. That’s when I stumbled upon masochism and let me tell you, it was a wild ride. The rush of danger, the fear, the enjoyment of pain – it was a completely unique experience that helped me grow in ways I never thought possible.
I had a good time on my trip, but I felt like something was lacking. I had this idea in my head that scared me a bit, but I couldn’t shake it off. I wanted to be fully submissive, like a slave. When you’re playing this game, anything can happen, and you can’t really back out once you’re in it.
It Takes Courage To Relinquish Control To Your Master
I mulled over the thought for some time. It takes a lot of courage to put your entire body and life in the hands of My Master, but for me, it was all or nothing.
After investing a lot of time in searching for the right Master, I found one! This took lots of back and forth conversations between myself and other people. Lots of extensive trials and a lot of devotion. I decided I was ready to do this and was going to become a Slave.
It was a mutual decision between the master and the Slave. One that was not rushed and one that was discussed in great detail beforehand. Everything had to be very clear for both our sakes and for the sakes of our families.
I was very fortunate in finding an amazing Master.
Having a Master who genuinely cares and takes the time to evaluate every situation is a game-changer. It’s amazing how my Master spends hours brainstorming on what I need and how to deliver it in a respectful and nurturing way.
When I’m with my Master, I feel complete and fulfilled in a way that being a Submissive or a Masochist never did for me. It’s like being in a whole new state of mind that’s difficult to put into words. It’s all about discipline – following what the Master says without questioning it. With the right guidance, you can improve yourself and become a better version of yourself.
Your Master should always be there to offer support and advice.
Being a Slave is about pleasing him and making him proud. This is what makes me happy. In the Master/Slave lifestyle, the experience has been one of the strongest I have experienced so far. Probably because of the level of intensity and trust required. The levels seem to be much deeper and gratifying.
I think that I have finally found my peace at last.
Control Your Sex Slave With A Leash
XR Brands brings us this chain leash from their Tom of Finland series. XR Brands are the people who bring us some amazing lines that you may have heard of including; Master Series, CleanStream, STRICT, Strict Leather, Prostatic Play and of course Tom of Finland.
All six of these lines being available here at Adult Lifestyle Centres or on Adultsmart our online store.
About Tom Of Finland
Touko Valio Laaksonen, a Finnish artist known for his stylized highly masculinized homoerotic fetish art, and better known by his pseudonym Tom of Finland. He produced over 3500 illustrations in his 71 years of life. Most all of them featuring men wearing tight clothing, fetish gear or little to no clothing at all with exaggerated sexual features.
He has been called the “most influential creator of gay pornographic images” by cultural historian Joseph W. Slade. Having a huge impact on gay culture throughout the 20th century and continues to, to this day. The Tom of Finland Foundation and his artwork still inspiring, turning on, reassuring and unifying its viewers.
“Tom of Finland is one of the five most influential artists of the twentieth century. As an artist he was superb, as an influence he was transcendent.”- Harvey S. Shipley Mille
The Tom of Finland series has a lot to live up to. Luckily XR brands have created some wonderful and quality items in their Tom of Finland range. They include collars, leads, restraints, clamps, insertables and more.
Tom Of Finland Leash Packaging
The Tom of Finland Leash comes in wonderful packaging featuring Touko Valio Laaksonen’s artwork on the box that is metallic and reflective in places. It is so nice you may have the urge to preserve the packing itself. I considered doing this. But to my delight I discovered that inside as a bonus each product.
The Tom of Finland range includes a collectable, exclusive art print. A portion of proceeds going to the Tom of Finland Foundation, dedicated to protecting, preserving, and promoting erotic art.
Tom Of Finland Leash Design
Now for what’s inside the box!
The leash is a lovely gun metal grey colour of the chain is beautiful. Different to other leashes I’ve seen out there that tend to just come in either black or silver metal. I adore this colour and it really set this leash apart looking incredibly stylish with the black neoprene hand strap that is soft yet sturdily made.
There is a silver metal look plastic plate on the handle embossed with the Tom of Finland logo.
Inside Each Leash Is A Bonus Tom Of Finland Print
Neoprene is a synthetic rubber that resists degradation. More than natural or other synthetic rubbers. It is easy to clean if the need arises. Just use a warm wet cloth to wipe down the surface of the leash and its handle. With water only as neoprene is sensitive to household chemicals and urine.
So if golden showers are your thing, be careful to not be wearing any of the neoprene range. Neoprene is also vegan-friendly making the entire Tom of Finland matching collar, leash, ankle and wrist cuff set the perfect choice for those who wish to avoid purchasing or using animal products. Or if you simply don’t lioke leather or silicone. It is a excellent alternative.
The Tom of Finland gun metal chain leash is 42 inches (106.68cm) in total length, the chain without handle being 30 inches (76.2cm). This is a good length, in my opinion, for a leash intended for human use. When using my leash I never thought it was too long, which can be a pain. Having excess chain in the way. Or too short, which can cause unwanted tugging on the person who has it attached to their collar.
My Final Thoughts
This leash is an excellent addition to anyone into or considering collar and leash play, stylish. It is of high quality and with a rich history behind it. You will feel confident and in charge with its bold dark metallic grey glinting. You can you show off your submissive or as you’re being shown off.
Using the Tom Of Finland Leash is an incredible way to introduce dominance and submission into your sexual lifestyle.
Author: Erin is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
Is Tradition Dead?
Sometimes on your journey through life being single for a period of times helps to restart your life. When you are ready to enter into a new relationship the dating world can be quite scary. Dating isn’t for everyone and may not always be full of healthy and happy memories. People also have different relationship goals and ideals. Is tradition dead or is courtship still valid in the 21st Century?
So if you are tired of dating have you ever tried courtship? Courtship isn’t the easiest to define but the main difference between courting and dating is essentially its purpose. People date for various reasons, but courting has a purpose and that is an underlying assumption that they will marry.
Guidelines to courtship
Despite the fact that it seems to be a very old-fashioned approach to a style of dating it is actually widely accepted and practiced. Here are some guidelines to courtship:
- Only court one person at a time, this means no “shopping around” the reason for this is so that it gives one another the freedom to fully commit to each other without the worry that the other one will start to look around. This doesn’t mean that all courtship will lead to marriage it just means that the people who enter into this kind of relationship have a purpose of a serious future. The best way to be is open and direct about what your intentions are, make everything clear and be honest especially with yourself.
- The man pursues the women, this is a more traditional approach to dating a wooing, and you let the man initiate the contact. By doing this you are allowing the man to lead, you are allowing him the control of the relationship and ultimately the future of the relationship, and thus giving you the option to follow or not. Some see this as the man having the upper hand or all the power, this is incorrect, secretly you always have the upper hand because you are allowing him to lead you and it’s your choice ultimately if you follow or not.
Courtship Is Conducted Publicly
- Courtship is always conducted publicly, with most of the time approval of both party’s parents and often the man will ask the woman’s father for his approval. This is mainly for the family to provide support to the relationship and able to counsel if they see something going the wrong way. This way the man and the woman are accountable for their actions and level of commitment to each other, relationships haven’t change overly much and whether we want to believe it or not our parents sometimes do know better.
- These days one on one-date nights are normal but with courting group activities are encouraged. The goal with group dates is for the couple to get to know each other on a friendship level first before becoming romantic with each other. Starting a relationship doesn’t always mean you have to be intimate and loving straight away by gazing into each other eyes. The initial dating should be fun and light in order to get to know each other first before going deeper; slow and steady wins the race.
Courting Is Not Just About Hooking Up
- Courting couples usually wait until their wedding night to have sex, although the idea is that courting precedes intimacy, the modern dating age and culture upholds the importance of discovering sexual compatibility prior to marriage. Couples who take courting very seriously believe true commitment means learning to be sexuality compatible after marriage even if it’s not something that happens straight away. Without going as far as this to starve yourself of sexual relations you can benefit from prolonging your first intimate time together and focus on getting to know each other first. By removing this sexual distraction you can truly find out if the relationship is a keeper or not.
To those who believe in courting it is more about selflessness, friendship and commitment rather than the use of romantic partners for sexual indulgence.
Differences between dating and courting
Courting and dating both have a “catch me if you can” phase, the thrill of the chase allows for accepting or declining of ones advances, it also keeps things interesting.
Dating is about catching prey, and there is no gender roles regarding who is the hunter and who is the prey. The volume of the prey and the time period in which they are court has no limit and it all comes down to who declines and who accepts the advancements.
Courtship is more about the hunt but with more of an emphasis on the prize at the end, being marriage and commitment. From the start interest is shown, grand gestures are often shown but with more resistance given from the prey, which means more effort is shown from the hunter as long as some interest is also reciprocated from the start.
The pace of the relationship, love can happen in a moment or over a long period of time.
Dating focuses more on making fast choices and maximising the time, while experiencing a high volume of partners, not just to keep options open but starting off as casual and seeing where things go. This usually gives both parties the options to keep something going and cutting off alternative suitors or to break it off and move to the next option.
With courting there is a joint decision to take it slow or slower than usual, they both take time to really get to know one another through logic, love and respect for one another. There is a great deal of emphasis on compatibility, attraction and interaction with each other, and each other’s family and friends. Although opposites do attract courting is about finding common ground as a basis to build a strong foundation to begin upon.
Modern-day vs old school love, by the means of traditions, customs, values, the forming of romantic bonds and how that relates to today’s love.
Dating usually involves breaking away from tradition, the use of communication, the roles of each gender, and there is a greater focus on individual needs. Although romance still exists more emphasis is on instant attraction and seeking pleasure in all forms.
Courting focuses on chivalry and romantic gestures that demonstrate affection and admiration. First dates tend to be more traditional in order to get to know each other and often involve going out to dinner, long walks and sightseeing. Courting is about tradition and the masculine energy pursing and showing the female energy that he can protect and provide.
Intimacy is a huge part of a relationship, but it depends when both parties are ready to engage on a more intimate and personal level, the hope is that there is a sense of respect.
Dating getting hot and heavy in the bedroom really has no time limit, and tends to happen sooner rather than later. There is a greater urgency and desire to discovering sexual attraction sooner rather than later. Focus is more on sexual compatibility rather than emotional or intellectual, the downside to this is it tends to be more about physical connection and outside that compatibility can be lost.
With courting this involves restraint, but both have the choice to become sexual with each other once a mutual agreement has taken place. This is once a level of trust and exclusiveness has taken place this doesn’t always take place after marriage but once a couple decides on their future commitment to each other. Sexual compatibility is just one part of the relationship that is important.
Commitment is the end goal, most humans like to be loved, this means giving and receiving. We have the desire to feel safe in the presence of others with one another; relationships reveal to us our level of self-awareness and selflessness.
During dating this isn’t for the faint hearted or hopeless romantic although some people do get married from a one-night stand; there is always an exception to every rule. Most of the time one person wants further commitment while the other still wants to discover and play the field, emotions, thoughts and care are not often handled with respect or considered overly important at the time, and then there are some couples who have marathon relationship that either end committed or agree to disagree and break apart.
Courting is a relationship with true intentions of commitment and getting to know each other on a deeper and profound level. Each outing together is to create lifelong memories and determining factors that ultimately find out the true possibility if marriage is the start to a new life together. There are never any guarantees but there are clear intentions and open communication to this ultimate decision, and if the relationship does advance there is a strong foundation from the very beginning.
Happy courting!
Morgan x
Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
Enter Andrew Pullen’s BDSM world of Fet Lifestyle, BDSM, and expert Shibari insights. Explore his descriptive and educational articles at Adultsmart.
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