Cheating Chronicles: Recently, I heard a story of a woman who was cheating on her significant other with another man and had successfully been doing so for at least two years.
It got me thinking about cheating; the reasons why and why people don’t leave if they are so unhappy that they feel the need to stray. Also how people manage to get away with it for so long. I have cheated on a partner and being cheated on. Both are not pleasant nor am I proud of these statements.
What it’s like to be Cheated On?
It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt. I mean nothing crushes one’s heart like finding out that your partner has been getting it on with someone else. What’s more devastating, is when the cheating is long term and there is emotional investment in the affair.
This kind of pain this causes creates a deep internal wound that knocks the wind out of you. You can’t breathe or think without everything aching. You’ll cry deep sobs and you can almost feel your heart being torn out of your chest.
Yeah, it’s awful to be cheated on.
What’s it like to Cheat on Someone?
While being cheated on hurts, I personally think it’s worse being the cheater. While the ongoing guilt does not cause a great deal of pain initially, long term you question your morals, values and whether you’re a good person or not.
Some people are better at living a lie, some people like the excitement and the risk. I cheated on my girlfriend of 4 years, twice and I felt awful afterwards, I cried for hours. The second incident was with a man and when we slept together, I knew the relationship was really over for me.
I broke up with her less than 12 hours later. But I never told her that I had cheated. I thought it would just release my guilt and hurt her more in the long run.
Why do People Cheat?
People cheat for various reasons. Men are more likely to cheat. Certain personality types are more inclined to cheating too. People who have jobs with high physical contact jobs are more inclined to stray as well.
It’s a valid question, why cheat? People who highlight that either physical aspects or emotional aspects have faded from their relationships often cheat despite report being happy in their relationships. Most dangerous kind of cheaters are the people who are merely bored, people who just want their cake and to eat it too.
Cheating Chronicles – How to Cheat
While at no point is this article to condone cheating, I’ve spent some time with self-confessed cheaters.
Even if after reading this you still want wanting to cheat or, if you’re like me and cheat and just can’t bear the thought of hurting your partner then I’ve compiled a list of cheaters tips to save you from getting caught.
Rule one: The Phone
- Firstly, if you don’t have a lock on your phone… you deserve to be caught.
- Your phone should be on you at all times. Never let it go, not even for a second.
- Things to consider for the advanced cheater are getting a burner phone and dummy accounts and email accounts to talk to your side piece.
- Don’t get sentimental on me, you must delete everything. Leave absolutely no trace of your shady behaviour and make sure you log out of these dummy accounts.
- When clearing your history make sure you’re not clearing everything just the things you’re not supposed to be looking at. No one in the world clears their history every time they get off the computer.
- If you’re on your phone, make sure you activate the private browser mode which is perfect for those who are cheating.
Another golden rule.
- Change your side pieces name in your phone but make sure it’s not mum. Your partner is going to be really concerned if your “mum” is sending you messages about sucking your cock.
- Finally, don’t be silly and keep photos of videos of you and your other person.
Delete the fucking evidence, pun intended.
Rule two: Choosing the Other
- If you’re looking at one-night stands, always go for the stranger, the random.
- If you’re looking for a side piece avoid picking a co-worker, neighbour, friend or someone closely intertwined with your community. These measures are in place to minimise the risk of someone else finding out or the other person letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak.
- You should also go in with an expiration date on your fling, if you were going to do it forever you should just leave your partner.
- The longer you’re cheating with the other person the more likely pesky feelings will creep in.
Rule three: Keeping Up Appearances
- You’ll want to buy single condoms for your encounters with your other/s. If you’re using condoms with your significant other they will surely notice if condoms go missing, particularly if you’re not having sex with them very often.
- If you’re not using birth control with your significant other, finding condoms will surely wave some red flags.
- You’ll want to be fresh when seeing your significant other after seeing your other/s, but not too fresh.
- Freshly showered, minty breath will alarm your partner that you’re covering your tracks.
- Also, people who live with their significant other and share bank accounts… ALWAYS use cash when with your other to avoid leaving a paper trail, that includes using cabs over Uber.
- If you’re partner can see your digital transactions, you have already been caught my friend.
- If anyone does know about your affair make sure it’s someone you trust, keep the circle that knows small as possible and make sure they are the person that will go to the grave with your secret.
Rule four: Keep your Significant Other in the Dark
- You should always have a back up story, always. Pick a lie and stick with it. Do not complicate the lie and drip feed only offering information when questioned.
- Gaslight your partner if need be, flip it on them to protect your lie and yourself.
- While this piece of advice might sound awful you are reading an article on how to avoid getting caught cheating. If you wanted to be nice you wouldn’t be cheating.
- You should know your partners schedule back to front to avoid getting caught or an unexpected visit from your partner while you’re with your side piece.
Rule five: Managing your Partner’s Fears
- You should be comfortable enough to confront your partner when they are becoming suspicious.
- You should never get mad at them for voicing their concerns in this dialogue. Getting angry will make you look guiltier and your anger will increase your chances of getting into an argument.
- Simply act surprised or bewildered by the suspicions, as though it never would have occurred to you that you were acting in a questionable way.
- You should talk though their suspicious.
- Apologise for making them feel insecure, make note of these as you’ll need to fix these if you intend to keep cheating.
- Promise your partner that you will work on fixing the relationship and assure them you’re happy and don’t intend to leave.
- Consider that you’re obviously very close to the end.
- Perhaps it’s best to end your affair before your partner finds out.
You’ve had a good run, but nothing lasts forever including your affair.
Are You CHEATING?
I am a little perplexed, there is a question I have been wondering about for a little while now!
If your partner pays for sex does that still count as cheating?
Or is it just a service they are paying for? On the flip side to that.
What do people define as cheating?
Most people would either have a hard yes, or hard no view, but here I am confused. As someone who has been cheated on/ have had their significant other have multiple relationships with other girls during our own relationship, I don’t know what I would rather.
To clear this question up we were in an exclusive relationship or, so I was told we were at least.
Obviously, neither would be option one
I do wonder how I would have felt if I found out that he paid for sex rather than go off with someone we both knew and be involved with not only sex but an emotional connection as well.
Cheating is such a fluid term with a different meaning to everyone.
To some cheating is looking in the direction of someone other than their partner while others feel flirting is fine and only sex is cheating. Some even have told me that the only cheating act is having sex.
If there is no penis- vagina penetration that is not cheating (oral or fingering is not classed as cheating).
What About the Use of Sex Toys?
If you partner is hiding the fact they use sex toys is that cheating? There were often times within my old relationship that he would reject sex because he was “busy”.
So I would go out shopping or to work and would return home to him butt naked on the lounge asleep with sex toy in hand. I wondered why that hurt me to see. Was it because he rejected me but clearly was in the mood?
Was I not good enough? Was he not attracted to me? Is that cheating?
Is cheating within a relationship just about sex?
Or is it hiding something from your significant other. I asked a friend of mine what she thought cheating was. She replied with “cheating is having bad intentions” which makes sense. If your hiding something from your significant other because you know it will hurt them in any way that is defined as cheating.
I’m not talking about the differences between emotional cheating and physical cheating. I am talking about doing something and hiding it from your partner that would ultimately hurt them in one way or another be it physical or emotional.
You often here that its “just boys being boys”
Or “it’s just for sex nothing more nothing less”. When those phrases are uttered it becomes a normality. It becomes something that we must forgive because it’s just how society works. It’s what makes married couples with children forgive the cheating spouse.
It makes girlfriends and boyfriends not breakup because you’re not fully committed and married yet. It seems that there is an excuse for every stage of commitment and why someone who cheated should be forgiven.
Sex tends to be a lot more emotional for most women
With men it’s more of a simple transaction that feels good. What we need to understand is how cheating is defined for ourselves. But also with our significant others to find out boundaries early on. A few studies have been done on this topic and the percentages of the population and their thoughts.
According to women sex as sex is still classed as an affair. It doesn’t matter if there is an emotional connection or not or whether is was paid for or not.
- 35% of women feel it’s worse for their significant other to have sex with a prostitute.
- 34% of women feel it’s worse for their significant other to have a romantic extrametrical affair.
- 27% say both are equally as bad as each other.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY4_GdOGLho
Most Men See Multiple Types of Women
After speaking to a few male friends, I have also concluded that most men see multiple types of women. The marrying kind, and the friends with benefits kind.
They see the women who are kind, caring, loving and nurturing to be the relationship kind with the potential to be the marrying kind and the mothers of their children. Then they see some women who the only desired quality is to sleep with them nothing more nothing less.
What if Your Partner Wants Both?
He wants the marriage and family and is also paying for sex while with you to get his fix. Is that a deal breaker? And if he has paid for it before being a relationship does that mean he will continue to once he is married. Is it cheating?
Or is it a way to get sex on the side without harming the relationship.
In the beginning of this article I wondered this myself. Would I have been less hurt if my old partner paid for sex rather than having sex with someone he knew?
Does making it a business transaction make it any better or any less hurtful?
Is emotionless sex better then sex with emotions attached? I feel it doesn’t matter paid for or not. It is hurtful and damaging to my relationship and I wouldn’t want it done at all. But it’s up to you to decide what your limits are and what you and your partner define as cheating for your own circumstances.
My opinion is that if your significant other is hiding something from you; that is cheating, be it messaging, talking, a sexual act, sex or anything in-between.
Have a think about what cheating is to you and your partner and what your limits are.
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