I’m getting older, you’re getting older and I’ve thought about mature sex and sex after 50. If you’re a prolific reader/media consumer you’ll notice that for the most part in media advertising, movies, magazines, there is a complete lack of any form of sexual representation of sex and sexuality once you reach ‘The Age’ of 50+. Dun dun duuuuuun.
You’ll notice in shows depicting families such as Modern Family, that there is references of sex towards the younger members. But very little in terms of the older members. Indeed, a quick perusal of the hottest TV sex scenes from 5 different websites, which whilst featuring diversity in terms of sex, sexuality, gender and race, did not have a single older couple featured within the lists.
Sure, it’s understandable that marketing sells and people want to unashamedly look at hot people having sex but therein lies the problem.
What makes young bodies and sex scenes, ‘hotter’ than Mature Sex?
Is it that were terrified of the perceived mortality of our sex lives? Or does it bring up the ‘ick factor‘ (Munro, P, 2013, ‘Senior Moments’, The Sydney Morning Herald, 28 September) and can be viewed in its totality here.
Does it remind us too much of our parents/grandparents thinking about Sex After 50?
Is it little wonder then, with the distinct absence of mature sex within TV and popular entertainment that the subject is often not discussed because we simply don’t see it.
We have to face the truth, we age and we still have sexual desires.
People think that as you get older, you take your perverted little blue pill go off quietly and have sex. Hush hush don’t let anyone know about it. Or you simply become a sexually desolate and isolated human being.
By the other token, we have ‘insider stories’ from people working in aged care that can often make an aged care facility seem like a romping ground. Surely then, can we say that it is somewhere in the middle? Research conducted in New Zealand concluded the following statements.
- Sexuality is an intrinsic part of the human identity.
- There is no age limit to sexual responsiveness or the need for intimacy.
Mature Sex in Aged Care Facilities
Whilst reports on sexual behaviour within residences varied, it’s difficult to accurately determine levels of sexual contact with aged care facilities. This is due to lack of reporting, and what exactly people report.
So far this article has focused on mature sex within aged care. But what about the individuals post 50’s? Whilst the incredibly popular TV show ‘The Golden Girls’ dealt with this quite well. There’s been nothing quite the same since.
Fact is this. Majority of my customers can be considered middle aged and moving forward in life. They have realised that the past relationships weren’t fulfilling enough. They’ve realised that there is more to their sex and sexuality than they had previously considered.
For nursing homes and establishments there needs to be greater transparency
Support for mature individuals both in a relationship or otherwise. For mature people, sex is out there, it’s a real thing and it shouldn’t be hidden.
Sexual aides support older bodies, and it’s only natural that they’re not the same as what they used to be. Sex then becomes more an expression of intimacy, of adoration and love.
Intimacy reduces the feelings of feeling isolated and alone, beats depression and anxiety and can combat many things as we age. Sex After 50 then becomes more an expression of intimacy of adoration and love. Intimacy reduces the feelings of feeling isolated and alone, beats depression and anxiety and can combat many things as we age.
Changes that occur in both men and women with sex after 50
Men’s Changes
After they reach 50 men go through their own change referred to as andropause. This sees a gradual decline in the production of testosterone which results in things such as lower energy levels, lower sex drive, mood changes, erections that aren’t as strong as usual.
Best way to combat these changes is to keep having sex.
Erections can be stronger with regular sex and sexual activity keeps the hormones at a fairly stable level. Just because you have a decreased desire to have sex does not mean you should abandon it completely.
It is important not to let sexual activity drop off as it can have drastic effects on ones mental state and put strain on relationships. If you find that your erections aren’t as strong, consider purchasing a vacuum device to pump up your erection and then clamp and hold it with a cock ring.
Women’s Changes
They go through their own changes called menopause. With the lower estrogen levels, women find it far more difficult to have sex as the vagina takes longer to swell up, and self lubricate.
Your vagina may also be become less elastic and as such, what you could take before with ease now becomes a painful struggle. Emphasis here needs to be placed on foreplay in order to allow more time for the body to prepare, and adjust to sexual pleasure.
Like men, women need to have regular sex to ensure the elasticity of the vagina. There are numerous benefits to having sex, which include improved mental and physical health, increased lifespan, strengthen relationships. With that in mind you should consider the following tips for enjoying a happy and and active sex life.
Communication
It is important to communicate to your partner about what is happening to your body, and also as to how you feel as well. Keeping an open communication between the both of you helps develop intimacy and it is the intimacy which is the most important part of a sexual relationship.
It’s important to discuss sex, be playful about it and talk about your desires and thoughts.
Intimacy
It is important to focus on intimacy and the value of physical touching. Sex does not have to always include penetrative sex with either a toy or penis – and especially as one gets older it is increasingly important to take the pressure off each other.
Focus on romantic dinners and walks – build the communication and the level of intimacy. In this way you can also expand your definition of sex. Find what works for you, for some that may include sex toys, for others it may be about rekindling that spice and spontaneity.
There are many options, but if you can open the channels of communication you can ensure happiness between yourself, and your partner.
About The Author: Stephen Smith is a consultant for the Adult Lifestyle Centres and also works as a youth counselor.
Have You Read Sex 365?
In every relationship sometimes we end up doing the same sexual positions over and over again.
Although the sex is enjoyable, sex doesn’t have to be that repetitive or a predictable event that you find boring. You can introduce some sex products into your bedroom to have better sex Tried scented candles, massages, yoga and meditation music to create the mood but your partner is still finding something missing.
Maybe she or he is complaining of a lack of mental connection or isn’t eager to have sex with you anymore. Sometimes it’s not the amount of romance you put into a relationship but how creativity you are in your sexual relationship.
You might need to update your sex positions knowledge.
In this day and age with all of the technology advances, I think the use of books is disregarded when it comes to advice or instructions in every day life. Whilst the internet is so easily accessible to the majority or us, you can’t deny the pleasures of owning a hard copy of something.
Reading a recipe from a book for example instead of your phone screen is a pleasure in itself, reading lonely planet guides when wanting to travel feels more exciting, intimate, genuine. The use of books is elemental. Whenever I buy a book, I read it in my own time. I can highlight the important points, for me to try out later. I can place in book tabs to easily get there.
Reading a book is a different type of learning style so you will learn something to use for your whole lifetime. So why don’t we use books for advice and instruction in the bedroom? I simply think people don’t think of it.
Sex 365 – A Position for Every Day
After speaking to a lady who came into Adultsmart the other day, I quickly realized she had tried using sex toys with her husband.
She had tried setting the mood with candles and massage oils, but the issue was in fact that they were simply running out of creativity of movement and positions. Once I lightly hinted that this may be the issue from what I had gathered by what she was saying, she agreed.
So I showed her to our selection of books. The one in which we settled on was titled “Sex – 365”. Sex 365 is a book filled with a different sex position for every day of the year. You can literary get out a calendar and pick and choose what sex position for which day.
She was in disbelief…
“365 sex positions? I didn’t even know there were that many…”
Most people only use around 3 to 5 different sex positions that they find enjoyable. We don’t use a lot of sex positions because we don’t take the time to learn any new ones. Or we just don’t see them in the Movies or TV Series we come across.
We flicked through the Sex 365 book so I could show her that that they were all realistic positions that the average Joe can perform, and that was that!
Not only does the book Sex 365 give you 365 different sex positions with photos, it also tells you what it’s best for with regards to pleasure. It gives “hot tips” some of which are quite humorous.
For example, “Don’t suggest this one if she’s in bed with a head cold”
Lacking ideas for sex positions
Or want to try new things in the bedroom maybe you need a bit of coaching on a new sex position you want to try or like the idea of sex yoga then this book is definitely for you.
Treat this book as a Sexual 365 day challenge, or even a game.
Some people do challenge themselves to having sex on a daily basis, but that might be a bit much to start off with. You could take it in turns to flick through the book and the challenge is to do the position on the page.
Here at Adultsmart we have a large variety of books with pictures and instructions on everything couples sex related. So come and check them out so you can add little gem’s like Sex 365 to your bedside table.
Meet Rick, Adultsmart’s owner with 35+ years in the adult industry. A sex blogger, advocate for gender and sexuality equality, offering a diverse product range.
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